Never call your children \”proud\” again. The impact of this sentence is dozens of times greater than you think.

\”Well, I did okay in the test this time, but don\’t be proud. Keep working hard and do better next time.\” \”Look, you are proud and complacent again. When you are proud, you will regress! But no, your grades have dropped again. !\” These are the words my mother often said to me when I was a child, which made my ears tingle. The word \”pride\” became her mantra. Now, more than twenty years later, I can still recite her exact words word for word. Probably since I was in the first grade of junior high school, my grades were not very good and I could only be considered above average in the class. Every time I show my report card to my mother, if I do well in the exam, she is always very stingy in praising me, for fear that too much praise will make me raise my tail. But if I do not do well in the exam, she will immediately become \”clouded\” and will inevitably say that I am proud again. , Immodest, etc. As for me, I always hung my head and felt stupid. Since I couldn\’t meet my mother\’s requirements, I was often afraid of learning and hated those who couldn\’t learn well. The pride she said made me feel confused. Look it up in the dictionary. \”Pride\” means to be arrogant, look down on others, think you are great, and don\’t take others seriously. When used in study, it means that one thinks that one\’s grades are good and others cannot catch up with one\’s own, one feels complacent and complacent, is satisfied with one\’s immediate results, and relaxes one\’s efforts in the future. This is \”pride\” in the mother\’s eyes. My mother was afraid that I would have such pride, so she kept using her words to urge me to keep improving. Am I proud? No. For me, there is no such thing as pride. It is normal for scores to fluctuate. My mother, on the other hand, is always very sensitive to scores and always stubbornly believes that as long as my score is worse this time than last time, I am proud and satisfied; as long as my score is higher next time, it is her criticism. It worked. I was no longer proud and became humble. Once I was humble, I worked hard and my grades improved again. This is her logic. Do I have the right to be proud? No. My mother doesn\’t understand my thoughts – I have never been proud! Because pride requires capital and good academic performance. My grades are always mediocre, not good enough to show off. My introversion is more about low self-esteem! Psychologist William James said that human nature’s deepest desire is to be admired by others. How I need the sunshine of appreciation! However, my mother rarely praised me. Even if I did well in the exam, the praise was an understatement and asked me to improve on this basis. As everyone knows, my abilities have limits, and it is impossible to maintain high scores all the time. I have tried my best, but as soon as my scores drop, the criticism will always shatter the little confidence I have. I know she is doing it for my own good, and she has been instilling the concept of hard study all day long, but why not give me more praise? Let me have a little more sunshine in my heart and a little more smile on my face? If I praise you more, it will build a level of confidence for me, making me happier and more motivated to pursue higher goals. However, she didn\’t do this because she didn\’t understand my psychological needs. I have lacked appreciation for sunshine since I was a child, so I have become more introverted and inferior, and I have no interest in learning.Always unmotivated. After becoming a mother myself, I began to think about the mother’s methods of raising children and the roots of her thoughts. It turns out that my mother believed in the motto \”Humility makes people progress, pride makes people fall behind.\” However, the humility mentioned here is for adults when they deal with others or when they learn from others. For teenagers whose self-evaluation consciousness is not yet fully clear, adult praise is a magnifying glass that can amplify children\’s motivation, stimulate children\’s potential, release huge energy, help them build self-confidence, and cultivate children\’s self-esteem. Self-love. Influenced by traditional Chinese consciousness, my mother regards modesty and non-pride as a virtue. Yes, as a traditional virtue of the Chinese people, it may be something to be proud of, but when used on children, especially children with poor academic performance, introverted personality, timidity, vulnerability, sensitivity and self-esteem, \”modesty\” and \”not pride\” are Repeatedly instilling such words into children will have no effect or even be counterproductive. In that era, it was difficult for children with average grades to get praise and appreciation from their teachers, and they could not get praise from their parents at home. If they did well in the exam, they would try to remain silent; they were afraid that their children would be proud; if they failed in the exam, they would inevitably The criticism and reprimand of Dao Shuang Jian Yu. How can children grow up healthily and happily without the sunshine and rain of appreciation in the land of their hearts? How to make children fall in love with learning and face difficulties? Perhaps the memory of my childhood was so deeply imprinted that after I became a mother, I doubled down on the use of appreciation and praise in educating my children. Children are born weak. They need encouragement when they are just learning to walk, and they need praise when they learn a skill. As Teacher Zhou Hong said, we should use the mentality of teaching children to learn to walk and constantly give thumbs up to encourage and appreciate. At every step of his growth, I accompany him with admiring eyes and words of encouragement. I always pay attention to my words and deeds to create a positive and enterprising learning environment and a high-spirited and optimistic living environment. In his childhood, he did not know what \”stupid\” meant and never said \”I can\’t do it.\” He has no sense of inferiority in his heart, shows enthusiasm for active exploration of everything, dares to try, has the spirit of \”a newborn calf is not afraid of tigers\”, and devotes himself to any game he plays. From climbing stairs and learning to use chopsticks to learning to use scissors and skating, I made progress in an atmosphere of constant encouragement. If he does well, I will praise him and ask him to \”climb up the pole\” so that he can jump up and pick higher \”fruits\”; if he does not do well, I will say it doesn\’t matter and encourage him to come again. Try it once and tell him the story of Einstein making a small bench when he was a child; if there is really no way to do it well, I will act \”careless\” to make him feel that it is not a big deal, and warn him that failure is success. mother of. After my child entered elementary school, I was never as stingy with praise as my mother was, and I never said I was proud. Although my child is much better than I was when I was a child, and his grades have always been good, I still believe that my child still needs adults to constantly affirm his achievements. , adults need to build a long embankment of children\’s self-confidence for him, to block the \”tide\” of various difficulties, and to build him step by step towards success.Cornerstone. When I was a child, I did slightly better in exams, but my mother was always afraid that I would be proud, and tried to prevent me from being proud by being modest and giving less praise, but my grades never improved. Now, every time my children receive report cards and certificates, I never say He is proud and never stingy with praise, but his children\’s grades are rising day by day.