Never force your children to be confident, otherwise they will really regret it

Are your children confident? Confident people often shine with their own light. They will be generous and seize opportunities bravely. Such people are more likely to be affirmed and recognized by others, and they also have a kind of personality charm. On the contrary, people who are not confident are always timid, evasive, and hesitant. Sometimes people feel uncomfortable when they see them, and they even feel like \”I hate iron but cannot make steel.\” A highly praised answer on Zhihu said: People who are not confident walk very slowly, lower their heads, speak in a low voice, dare not look into other people\’s eyes, are afraid that others will see them and make a fool of themselves, and never know how to reject others. There are many people. Try not to move, don\’t talk, etc., this answer has more than 5,000 likes and more than 2,000 comments, which shows that everyone resonates with this issue. When parents see that their children are timid, dare not do things they clearly can do, or dare not resist when being bullied, etc., they often feel a headache and anxious, and really want their children to change. You have to find ways to make your children confident and sunny. However, from a mental health perspective, I want to tell all parents: Never force your children to be confident, otherwise they will really regret it. Why? First, we need to know what confidence is. Is it a fixed trait, talent, character, or a quality or habit that can be developed through hard work? In fact, self-confidence is a degree of certainty when we face the environment, which represents whether we are confident in facing the new environment. We all know that confidence has many benefits, so why are some people not confident? There are usually two reasons behind this: First, I have very few successful experiences in the past. For example, if I have failed 100 math exams in the past, I will naturally not be confident in math exams. This is easy to understand. The second reason is other people\’s evaluation of his experience, including evaluation of past experiences and possible evaluation of future consequences. For example, if a child\’s math scores have not been good in the past, his parents have criticized him in various ways, saying that he is a fool and a pig-brained person. These are very negative comments. Or, for example, if his parents say that he will not come back if he does not do well in the exam next time. , If you don’t do well in the exam, don’t go to school. If you don’t do well in the exam, go to work. These negative evaluations of past experiences and negative evaluations of possible future outcomes will cause children to be less confident when facing new environments. That is to say, there are two factors that influence self-confidence, personal experience and other people\’s evaluation of it. I am very confident in giving lectures. Why? Because I have had many successful experiences in the past, others say that I speak well, and I feel that I speak well, so I am relatively confident in this aspect. If I were asked to fly a plane, I would definitely not have the confidence because I have no relevant successful experience. This is the essence of confidence. Therefore, if parents find that their child is not confident enough, a little timid, or withdrawn, they cannot just criticize him or force him. We must know that lack of confidence is a result, a comprehensive result caused by various reasons, and a reflection of the degree of grasp of the environment. Therefore, the signal of confidence or not is of great significance. It tells us whether we have confidence in this environment and whether we can grasp it. If you force your children to become confident, you will actually ignore their inner needs and feelings, which will backfire and be detrimental to your children.The child’s physical and mental health. If parents really care about their children, they should not push their children when they are not confident, but should understand their true inner thoughts and feelings. This may be due to their lack of past success. The solution is also very simple, which is to accumulate more successful experiences, even if these experiences are small, it doesn\’t matter. For example, if a child has never been confident in mathematics, it means that he has suffered too many setbacks in the past, and may have developed a state of \”breaking the pot and breaking the pot\” and has no confidence in the future. Parents can help their children start with some simple and easy questions slowly, so that they can gain confidence from small successes. When these small successes gradually accumulate, it will form a snowball effect, and the child\’s self-confidence will gradually increase. Another important factor that affects self-confidence is parents’ evaluation of their children’s experiences. If a child\’s test scores are not good and the parents say, \”Don\’t come back if you don\’t do well,\” the child will feel very scared and \”worry about gains and losses,\” making it difficult to have confidence in the future. If parents say, \”It doesn\’t matter if you don\’t do well in the exam, as long as you work hard,\” the child will feel that his parents understand him and tolerate him, so he can be more calm and calm. Parents should use more positive, positive, and encouraging language to discover what their children have done successfully, instead of just focusing on what they have done poorly and giving negative comments. This will only further damage the child\’s self-confidence. Whether it is because of too many failures in the past or too many negative comments, parents should pay attention to it. The cultivation of self-confidence is a long-term process and cannot be achieved overnight. Parents need to understand and tolerate their children, help them accumulate successful experiences, encourage them with positive comments, and let their children gradually build self-confidence in a loving environment. In this way, they can truly become cheerful, confident and generous.