Never have a \”head-to-head\” confrontation with adolescent children. Only when parents learn to \”show weakness\” will their children become better.

Adolescent children are so hateful! My son is 14 years old and in the second grade of junior high school. Children who were docile and obedient when they were young suddenly become flammable and explosive, catching fire at the slightest touch and exploding at the slightest touch. Now every day when I get along with my son, I walk on thin ice, for fear that I will not know what I did wrong and make him angry. When he came back from outside, I asked him with concern, \”Is it hot?\” He said, wouldn’t you know if you go outside and try it yourself? Then, without even looking at you, he entered his room with a bang, and never came out. After finally coming out of the room, I quickly asked, have you finished your homework? He directly criticized me, \”Why, I can\’t finish writing, you will write it for me?\” I was so choked that I couldn\’t speak. My son is not good at liberal arts and is unwilling to memorize. Seeing that he is in a good mood, I remind him to memorize more words. But he immediately turned down and said, \”That\’s easy to say. You are willing to memorize it. Do you memorize it every day?\” Seeing that he kept lowering his head and playing with his mobile phone, I wanted to persuade him to seize the time and asked cautiously: \”When are you going to study? Watch less.\” Mobile phones are bad for your eyes…\” Before he could finish his words, his son became angry again: \”You know you want me to study every day, and there\’s nothing else but study?\” Are you trying to force me to death? \”You always like to stay up late at night? If you don’t want to sleep, I kindly remind you to go to bed early. But my son glared at me angrily, and I was so scared that I didn\’t dare to say anything, and walked away dejectedly. All in all, it is wrong for me to care, it is wrong to remind, and everything I say is wrong. Almost every day, the atmosphere at home is tense and depressing. I feel that my son is always ready, waiting for a trigger to start something with me. To be honest, whenever my son is at home, I feel like I am facing a tiger. I am cautious and dare not let out any anger. When he went out to school, the air at home instantly became lighter! Faced with his rebellion and confrontation, I was often so angry that I trembled all over and wanted to teach this traitor a lesson. It’s not like I haven’t scolded him or even beaten him. But what they got in exchange was doubled confrontation and hostility. During the days of the Cold War, he locked himself in his room every day. What he was doing in there and whether he was studying or not, I have no idea. My son is telling me with his attitude that it’s not easy to use something hard. The feeling of walking on thin ice every day and accompanying you like a tiger really makes me feel angry and powerless. It really doesn’t matter whether you care about it or not. The final exam scores have declined. I want to ask my son what the problem is and what I plan to do next. But looking at his cold face that kept strangers away, I didn\’t know how to speak. When I prepared myself mentally and asked about this exam, my son became impatient again before even asking a few questions: Could you please stop asking this and that every day? This is how good my exam is. If you have the ability, can you take the exam for me? You just make it easy! Stop talking, I\’m tired of it! I was so angry that I almost burst into tears. I really can\’t figure out why my son is like this? Am I just going to have to ignore him and look at his face? But don\’t care about anything and let him go. After all, he is just a teenager. Can he be self-disciplined and study seriously? 02 During that time, I was paying attention every day, how to scientifically deal with adolescent children, and whether there are any suitable educational methods to changestatus quo. I saw a famous child psychologist describing adolescence like this: \”I planted a little baby, but I harvested a bomb.\” This resonated with me greatly. It was also during this process that I gradually understood the truth about my son’s “unreasonableness”. Adolescence is indeed a troublesome stage. During this period, children are undergoing tremendous psychological and physical changes, and their emotions and behaviors become unstable. Children at this stage will have a significant psychological characteristic-that is, they hope to get rid of their parents\’ control and make their own decisions. After entering adolescence, children\’s self-awareness increases rapidly. Maybe in the eyes of his parents, he is still a child; but in the child\’s heart, he has grown up and just wants to have the final say. They long for a sense of autonomy and control, and do not want their parents to dictate to them every day and destroy their sense of control. Although his experience and ability are not strong enough, he just wants this kind of uncontrolled space. Even if he makes mistakes and suffers setbacks in his struggle for freedom and autonomy, he is willing to do so because this is the necessary price. Once I understand this truth, I can understand my son\’s stubbornness and confrontation that I can\’t figure out. Before, I liked to give advice to my son and hoped that he would follow my standards and expectations in everything. For example, how many clothes to wear, what haircut to wear, what time to bathe and go to bed, how long to look at the phone… Because I think he is still a child and does not know what is best for himself. As a parent, I must supervise and be responsible. But in my son’s opinion, I interfered too much. He was unwilling to answer my questions and deliberately antagonized me. He was declaring his sovereignty and showing that he wanted to make the decision for himself. Therefore, only by understanding the various psychological characteristics of children\’s adolescent development can we truly understand and tolerate their various behaviors. Only in this way can conflicts and disputes be reduced and children can be given better guidance. I also adjusted the way I educate my son based on the psychological characteristics of adolescent children, and achieved unexpected results. 031. First of all, stop confronting your children head-on, learn to shut up, talk less, dominate less, and suggest less, all in order to calm down the children. A well-known education expert said: \”When facing adolescent children, parents should do something Just one thing will do, that is, cook more and talk less. \”Because children at this stage are like novice drivers who have just started driving. If you sit in the passenger seat, you will keep reminding and nagging: \”Don\’t drive too fast, go ahead. Brake, slow down, it will make him feel annoyed and want to fight against you.\” Think about it carefully, this is the truth. No one likes to be constantly interfered with and directed, let alone adolescent children who have developed a strong sense of autonomy? What\’s more, is it that important what the child likes to eat, what he doesn\’t like to eat, and how many clothes he wears? He will naturally eat when he is hungry, sleep when he is sleepy, and wear clothes when he is cold. Leave him alone and he will correct himself through trial and error. At this time, if parents do not let go and are anxious to remind and preach, it will arouse their confrontational mentality and insist on confronting you. Therefore, instead of getting angry to death in the confrontation and destroying the parent-child relationship, parents should let go of their ubiquitous desire to guide and let their childrenLive life on your own terms. When a child discovers that his parents have given him the control over his life, he will calm down and seriously think about whether what his parents said makes sense and what is the best way for him to do it. Only when parents talk less and stop dominating can the parent-child relationship transform from confrontation to harmony. Only when parents speak has weight will their children be willing to listen. 2. Secondly, stop asking condescendingly to your children, but know how to show weakness, look more at the children\’s strengths, flatter the children, and do what they like. Many times, parents cannot control their desire to preach because adolescent children are immature and have poor self-control. Although he is obviously playful and has no self-discipline, he still refuses to let others tell him. He always wants to prove that he can do it and that he can do it. If we understand this psychological core, then parents can completely \”take advantage\” of this characteristic and do whatever they want. Because although the child is strong on the surface, he is also weak on the inside. He not only hopes to get practical guidance from his parents, but also hates his parents\’ self-righteous way of commanding and preaching. Therefore, we can use incentives and recognition to \”flattering\”, giving children the feeling of being treated as adults and masters, and achieving their goals in a curve. My son likes to play games and guitar. I have always felt that these things waste time and affect learning. I get angry when I see him playing and urge him to read a book quickly. For this reason, the two people often clashed. Later, I discovered that my son was quite good at playing games, and he was able to play the guitar well through self-study. Therefore, when my son played games on his mobile phone again, I was not anxious or unhappy, but showed interest and recognition: Son, you are really good at everything you do. I told my colleague the other day, and he said you It\’s amazing. Only my mother knew that, even if it\’s a mobile game, not everyone can reach this level. It\’s so awesome. Our colleagues are all adults, and we can’t play with you. After hearing this, he couldn\’t help but raise the corners of his mouth, and his voice became gentle: It\’s okay, that\’s all. After playing for half an hour, he put down his mobile phone and went into the house to do his homework. He left the door open and immersed himself in reading, feeling happy all night. When my son plays guitar on weekends, I become a fan and sincerely support him. Not to mention, if you let go of your anxiety about studies and grades, the young man playing the piano in front of you is really shining. I sincerely feel: Mom thinks you have really grown up and should no longer take care of you in the future. You see, although you play the piano, you arrange your own time, when to study and when to relax. The arrangements are well organized and you have strong self-management ability. The son was very happy to hear this, and after chatting, he even took the initiative to say: Mom, you still have to take care of what you should. By flattering in this way, the child\’s self-esteem and self-confidence can be enhanced, allowing him to have higher demands on himself and believe in his own abilities. More importantly, I found that when I changed my perspective and recognized my child\’s strengths in a high-hat manner, my attitude, emotions, and feelings towards him from the bottom of my heart were also different. Children can completely feel this flow of emotions and changes in attitudes. He will feel that my mother sincerely recognizes me and believes in me, and I must do my best and not let my mother down. The inner motivation mobilized by the inspiration from love will make rebellious childrenThe child took on a new look and exploded with growth beyond imagination. The parent-child relationship will also become more harmonious and intimate. At this time, no matter what the parents say, the children will easily listen to it. In this way, through my learning and changes, I successfully resolved an adolescent crisis and helped my children get rid of their irritability and confrontation and devote all their energy to their studies. It has to be said that adolescence is a huge test for both children and parents. When faced with problematic behaviors such as children being tired of learning, talking back, and being rebellious, parents can only let go of their anger and disappointment, stop confronting their children head-on, take the initiative to change their growth, and raise their children. Only then can your education and guidance be truly effective! Only in this way can we better guide children out of the storm of adolescence. If your child has entered adolescence and has problems such as being tired of studying, rebellious, addicted to mobile phones, not wanting to go to school, or even depressed and suspended from school, etc. If you want to have in-depth communication, you can talk to the teacher in detail, and your confusion will be responded to as soon as possible.