Never help others bully your children

The night before yesterday, my best friend said to me sadly: \”You know? I have always envied a kind of parents since I was a child. They are very protective of their children. No matter how many shortcomings you have, they can always see the advantages in you. No matter what you have No matter how much you love to make them angry, they can always soften all the thorns in your body with love and tolerance. No matter how much trouble you get into, the first thing they care about is whether you are good or not. They will also criticize you, but they will never allow anyone to remove you. Anyone outside the home says something bad about you, even if that person is their best friend, even if they were chatting and laughing just a second ago, as long as they hear others disparaging you, they will immediately fall out with others. They will never let them If you are wronged outside, they will not make you look embarrassed in front of outsiders, nor will they help outsiders bully you. They really regard you as their \”heart\” and do their best to protect you and love you. , to protect you from the wind and rain.\” My best friend became more and more sad as she talked, and I couldn\’t help but feel uncomfortable too. In my impression, my best friend’s parents were very strict and indifferent to her, and they always had a straight face towards her. When I was young, my best friend accidentally broke a vase, and the shards of the vase were embedded in the soles of her feet. My best friend cried in pain. Her mother heard the sound and rushed over. Instead of comforting her, she pushed her angrily. On the other hand, he blamed her: \”Why are you crying? I was careless, who can blame me?\” Another time, my best friend and her classmates got into a fight, and the teacher called both parents. As soon as my best friend\’s mother entered the office, she slapped her indiscriminately and scolded her in front of everyone present: \”It\’s been three days since you\’ve had an itchy skin, right? You\’ve learned how to fight, what\’s your next goal?\” Is it time to go to jail and become a prison sister?\” In fact, the fight was caused by another classmate who deliberately provoked his best friend by tearing up his homework and throwing it into the toilet. The best friend became angry and confronted the other student. Instead of apologizing, the other student even He deliberately pushed his best friend down and insulted her as a \”teacher\’s lackey\”. Another time, in a school speech contest, my best friend only won the third prize because she was too nervous and forgot her words. My best friend blamed herself and felt uncomfortable in the audience, but her best friend\’s mother mocked her and said, \”You still have the nerve to cry. You have forgotten the lyrics after memorizing them for more than a month. How embarrassing is it?\” Her best friend often doubts herself: \”Am I really me?\” My parents’ biological daughter, why do they always criticize and belittle me so much?” “They say there are no parents in the world who don’t love their children, but why don’t they love me?” I remember the psychologist Michelle once said A passage: \”When language tends to ignore people\’s feelings and needs, leading to alienation and harm to each other, this method of communication makes it difficult for people to realize the love in their hearts.\” I believe that my best friend\’s mother loves her best friend, but she doesn\’t Knowing how to use the child\’s pain point to attack the child, distrusting the child, and making the child look embarrassed in front of everyone is actually standing on the opposite side of the child and helping others bully one\’s own child. A Zhihu netizen once shared his painful experience online. He said that his mother was his pain throughout his childhood. When he was young, his mother liked to scold him in public. She would often scold him in the subway, on the roadside, in shopping malls with many people, and sometimes she would even ride an electric bicycle while using her native dialect to curse him and demean him. . He is stuck inThere, his face was hot, but his mind was blank. He felt that the glances of passers-by were directed at him intentionally or unintentionally, like knives scratching his body. He would never forget the feeling of humiliation, embarrassment, and shame at that moment, let alone forget it. His mother was so aggressive that she wished she could despise him along with the whole world. For a period of time, he was often criticized by teachers because of his difficulty in studying, which put him under great psychological pressure. He is often in a daze and feels that life is meaningless. He couldn\’t help but tell his mother about his pain. Unexpectedly, her mother gave him a slap in the face and scolded him loudly: \”You are worthless. If you don\’t want to live, just die. I will just pretend that I never gave birth to you.\” At that moment, his heart was filled with despair. He didn\’t understand why his mother, who kept saying she loved him, made him feel not love, but disgust, disgust and rejection of himself. In this way, he grew up staggeringly under his mother\’s indifference, blows and insults, and also became a person with extremely low self-esteem amidst his desire, disappointment and resentment towards his mother. He always has a strong sense of shame and dare not look into other people\’s eyes or speak in front of others. Whether communicating with colleagues or reporting work to leaders, he is particularly nervous and always worried that he will make a fool of himself or say the wrong thing. At work, he is also timid and cautious, afraid of this and that, and dare not let go. . As Susan Forward said: \”The damage caused by parents will last through the years and pierce deeply into the hearts of their children like a needle.\” The understanding and care, support and trust, gentleness and kindness will all turn into psychological trauma, character defects and stumbling blocks in the child\’s life. Alain de Botton wrote in the book \”Identity Anxiety\”: \”The main reason why others\’ attention to us is so important is that human beings have an inherent uncertainty in their judgment of their own value – our Our understanding of ourselves is largely determined by what others think of us. Our sense of self and self-identity are completely controlled by the evaluation of us by those around us.\” Especially the evaluation of our parents. So, don’t bully your child, let alone help others bully your child. How parents treat their children is the key to whether children \”look down\” or \”value\” themselves, and it is also the key to the success of parents\’ education. Giving your children strong support whenever they need you is the most important thing that parents should do. 1. When your child is questioned, trust your child unconditionally. There is a very heartwarming video online. A little girl bought fried skewers at the school gate after school, but was misunderstood by her boss and did not pay. The little girl cried and complained to her mother about the incident. Her mother did not doubt her at all, and comforted her distressedly: \”Mom will take you to find him. If he has a good attitude, I will have a good attitude. If he has a bad attitude, my mother will have a fight with him.\” So, the mother took the little girl. Find the boss, explain the situation, call in surveillance, and prove the little girl\’s innocence. The mother\’s trust and protection of the little girl has attracted the envy of many netizens. Some netizens said that they were wrongly accused of stealing money from their deskmate, and their parents slapped him indiscriminately; some netizens said that they secretly worked hard for three months,He was admitted into the top five in the class, but was suspected of cheating by his teachers and parents. Some netizens said that they were bullied by their classmates, but were blamed by their parents: If a fly doesn\’t bite a seamless egg, reflect on yourself first before talking about others… They were wronged , were wronged, questioned, or misunderstood, they all longed for the trust and support of their parents, but they were stabbed the deepest in the heart by their parents. Xu Jingying once wrote in the book \”High Emotional Intelligence Parenting\”: \”If a child is not trusted by his parents, cannot feel the love of his parents, and does not have the strength to grow, gradually he will become less confident and cowardly. , low self-esteem, timidity and hesitation in doing things.\” Parents\’ trust is the source of children\’s inner sense of security, and is also the strength and pillar for children\’s brilliant growth. Only when a child feels trusted can his heart be full of confidence and strength, and he can live up to expectations and grow into an optimistic and positive person who is fearless of wind and rain. 2. When your child embarrasses you, stand with your child. The book \”Imperfect Gifts\” tells a story: One day, Brown took his daughter to the mall to buy shoes. A popular song was playing in the shoe counter, and her daughter danced to the music. The ladies and children nearby were all staring at Brown\’s daughter dancing, but their expressions were not of appreciation, but of disgust and teasing. Brown\’s daughter was immediately at a loss, her body froze, and she suddenly stopped and looked at Brown with pleading eyes. Brown did not ask his daughter to stop dancing because of the strange looks from others. Instead, he said to her daughter in a relaxed and cheerful tone: \”You can add the scarecrow\’s movements to it.\” With her mother\’s support, Brown\’s daughter regained confidence and continued to be happy dance. Brown also continued to watch her daughter dance intently. Brown admitted in the book that although she was a little embarrassed by others\’ teasing, at that moment, she did not want to \”betray\” her daughter. In fact, every child wants their parents to stand by their side no matter what happens. By accompanying him to bravely face the outside world and overcome problems together, his child will become more and more positive, confident and powerful in our acceptance. 3. When a child is not good enough, try to maximize the child’s strengths. A severely depressed junior high school student once cried to a psychological counselor: My mother often said that I am blind, stupid, slow to react, lazy to eat, brainless, and can’t find anything in my body. A little bit of merit. But in fact, although this child has poor grades, he has been working hard. Although he is introverted and doesn\’t like to talk, he has a serious attitude towards doing things and is not afraid of trouble. He is not a particularly likable child, but he is sincere, honest, and a reassuring child. So, you see, in many cases, it’s not that the child doesn’t have any strengths, but that the parents don’t see the child’s strengths. Wei Shusheng has said in many speeches: \”Successful education is actually the simplest, that is to discover children\’s strengths, keep them, carry them forward, and work hard.\” Every child has his own strengths and potential. Some children like to study and can study for hours without getting tired; some children like sports and are good at football, basketball, and table tennis; some children like singing and painting, and as long as they startI enjoy it very much…Only by discovering the children\’s strengths and encouraging them, can the children\’s natural advantages take root, be refined, take root, and then take root deeply. When the roots below the child grow deeper and deeper and become more confident, new shoots, new leaves, new branches, new flowers and new fruits will continue to grow from above. Therefore, the more the child is not good enough, the more efforts must be made to promote the child\’s strengths. Only by utilizing strengths and avoiding weaknesses can children achieve success in their lives. Mr. Lu Xun once said: \”The meaning of parents\’ existence is not to give their children a comfortable and wealthy life, but that when you think of your parents, your heart will be full of strength and feel warmth.\” Every child wants the clear love and warmth of his parents. A firm choice. The meaning of being a parent is to be a solid backer and supporter for your children, so that your children can gain support and strength in the process of believing in and being convinced of love. At any time, love and acceptance are the most powerful education for children. mutual encouragement.