Never save your parents

I believe that many people have experienced the feeling of suffocation when living and communicating with their parents; parents either use their experience of eating salt for many years to manipulate and control you, telling you not to do this or that, It interrupts your opportunity to explore yourself and the world, and drives away your possibility of success. Either your parents will tell you their dissatisfaction with each other, complaining about their grievances and sadness in the marriage for many years. You think there is something big, but it really doesn’t. If you don’t like to hear it, it seems that you are unfilial; if you listen Well, it’s really annoying. Those little problems in life that we don’t pay attention to will be infinitely magnified by our parents. It’s these trivial disputes that are really tormenting. Either your parents appear honorable and honorable to outsiders, but behind closed doors they treat you with neglect, indifference, suppression and sarcasm, making you suffer. What\’s more, some people who are already leaders in the company and have become educators, when they are 60 or 70 years old, still praise their sons and daughters, using words like \”obedient\”; the specific expression of \”obedient\” is that they are not obedient. Do things against their parents\’ orders, obey their parents\’ discipline, and don\’t spend a penny. God knows, a child who will feel guilty towards his parents once he spends money is growing up in an unhealthy family of origin! Really, Why do so many children, so many young people, suffer from depression? It is because there is at least one selfish parent in the family who is stubborn, controlling, does not respect the will of his children, and does not care about his children\’s feelings. Some children have excessive moral values ​​and are always burdened with heavy shackles and guilt when getting along with their parents. As long as they treat themselves better, buy themselves nice clothes, go out for a short trip occasionally, and be rewarded for their hard work. If they eat a sumptuous meal by themselves, they will feel unworthy and feel sorry for their parents. Because what their parents have been nagging them all year round is to save money and be filial; therefore, these children are always tense and do not relax, and they have always strictly abided by their parents\’ \”teachings\”, and they do not deserve to be respected; think of their parents The hardships of raising oneself make me feel that I am not qualified to enjoy any good things, and I should study harder and work harder to make money. I would rather force my body to be unable to support myself, become pathologically frugal, and eventually become sick from exhaustion, or suffer from torture. Have depression. Really, don’t try to save your parents, and don’t try to please your parents! Our parents have the experiences and hidden pain of their generation, and we have the trauma and struggles of our generation. The suffering they have experienced has been \”chewed\” by them countless times. It has melted into their blood and become part of their deep-rooted concepts. You can\’t shake it at all, and you can\’t wake them up at all. If you think about healing and saving your parents, you will be crushed to the point of being lifeless. Because what you are doing is consuming your own energy and is of no use. Originally, everyone should be responsible for their own lives. It is not your task and you do not need to do it forcefully. If you do it forcefully, you are destroying God\’s arrangement and hindering your parents\’ opportunity to grow on their own. You are deeply involved in saving and healing your parents, and you are establishing a relationship with them.A \”pathological symbiotic relationship.\” In this \”fight\”, you will both be exhausted physically and mentally, and the conflict will gradually escalate. You are destroying your inner order and allowing your energy to be consumed. Why do some people suggest that children who really cannot communicate normally with their parents, children who are always manipulated and constrained by their parents, children whose energy is cannibalized, squeezed and exploited when they are with their parents – they must do one thing , which is to maintain a certain physical distance from your parents, avoid sharing your own affairs with them, and control your own financial power to avoid their interference in your decisions. First of all, many parents have not kept up with the development of the times. Their perspective on problems is pedantic, outdated and unscientific. If you share any happiness or sadness with them, most of the time you will fill up your own heart and you will always have opinions. Inconsistency, conflicting ideas. Secondly, if your parents worry too much about you, it will cause you to have a rebellious mentality. Things that you can handle easily will become dangerous and troublesome for your parents. Thirdly, some parents rely on absorbing the energy of their children to extend their own vitality. The closer you are to your parents, the deeper your negative influence will be. Of course, this does not mean that you should not be filial to your parents, but that you should have your own opinions when getting along with your parents. What you think is saving your parents is actually putting yourself in a superior position, looking down at your parents who are getting older, or sympathizing with your parents who are not living a good enough life. In fact, you also have your own desire for control; but, what we can do , that is, accepting the fate of parents, respecting their will, and living a good life of their own.