Never say this to your child when they are being bullied

A few days ago, I saw such a scene in the community. A neighbor\’s little boy was having fun with several peers in the community playground, but he was suddenly pushed down by an older child. The other party yelled, \”You are not allowed to play with this.\” The noise suddenly attracted the attention of the adults. The neighbor hurriedly walked over, helped his son up, and patted the dust on his body. He said with a smile: \”It\’s okay, brother, I didn\’t mean it.\” The mother of the pushing child looked apologetic and kept apologizing, and the neighbor in turn \”comforted\” the other person: \”It\’s okay, the kids are just playing around, it\’s okay anyway. Injured.\” \”Come on, come on, keep playing.\” Two or three simple sentences quickly resolved the conflict. The educational cartoon Oscars Oasis, Little Lizard, Oscar Best Film, all 78 episodes, 720P. The children continued to play the game they just played, and the adults continued to chat with themselves when they saw that nothing was wrong. Only the kid who had been bullied and pushed down stood there blankly. Seeing his red nose and eyes, and his tight mouth, it was really heartbreaking! It\’s a pity that his mother completely ignored his mood, and couldn\’t see that he was about to cry. The writer Jiang Nan once said: \”Adults should not feel that they have seen through their children.\” In the eyes of the neighbors, the conflict just now was just a trivial matter and nothing to worry about. But for children, the \”it doesn\’t matter\” from their parents brings a sense of humiliation after being bullied by others, and a sense of loss after being ignored by their parents. On the surface, parents seem to teach their children to compromise and forgive, but in fact, they make their children lose the confidence to be brave. When a child is bullied, it is when he needs love the most. My best friend once shared a story from her childhood. In elementary school, she was petite and thin and was often bullied by her classmates. One time, a girl at the front desk wanted to copy her homework, but she refused. As a result, the girl at the front desk grabbed her and the two started fighting in the classroom, and finally the teacher got into trouble. Both parents were called to the teacher\’s office. Seeing her mother, her best friend showed off her bloody arm, hoping that her mother would seek justice for her. Unexpectedly, her mother just glanced at her, and when she heard that the other party wanted to pay for the medical expenses, she quickly said, \”It\’s just a small injury, it\’s okay, don\’t take it to heart.\” Her best friend thought that reinforcements were coming, but she was disappointed. Her mother\’s attitude of trying to calm things down made her feel more aggrieved and sad than her classmates beating and scolding her. From then on, no matter what happened, she was no longer willing to ask her parents for help. Because she has determined in her heart that her parents will not lend a helping hand to help her. Gradually, her relationship with her parents became more and more distant. Even today, my best friend is still worried about this matter. Professor Li Meijin said: \”Children\’s feelings are often determined by their parents\’ attitudes.\” When children are bullied, their hearts are full of grievances and panic, and parents\’ blind \”seek for peace\” forces children to suppress their inner feelings. Emotions. There is a question on Zhihu that hurts the hearts of countless people: \”What is your most unforgettable experience of being bullied?\” The answer from the highly praised respondent is: When I was a child, my classmates were ridiculed because my body developed late and my voice never changed. Say \”mother\”. When I told my parents, they blamed me for \”I can\’t stand such a trivial matter\” and advised me to be more relaxed. They also said thatIt\’s my own problem, no one else\’s fault. As time went by, I began to think: \”I must be disliked by others, otherwise why would they always bully me?\” As a result, I became more and more silent and inferior. However, the bullying by classmates continued to escalate, from ridicule to personal attacks. Until one time, my schoolbag was cut to pieces with a utility knife. When I got home, my mother said, \”What\’s the matter? Just talk to that classmate and buy a new schoolbag later.\” After hearing his mother\’s answer, he finally despaired, completely lost confidence in his parents, and his grades plummeted. In his eyes, his parents couldn\’t see his inner helplessness and panic at all, and didn\’t care about his true feelings. A trivial matter that is insignificant in the eyes of his parents is a mountain that falls on his head. For a long time, he felt that it was wrong for him to be angry, and he did not dare to say anything even if others bullied him. Many times, whether children can feel the love of their parents has nothing to do with material things or money, but whether their inner feelings and emotions can be valued. When a child is bullied, it is when he needs love the most. Your \”it doesn\’t matter\” is like a basin of cold water, extinguishing your child\’s expectations and desires and hurting his heart. A casual \”It doesn\’t matter\” is enough to ruin a child\’s personality for life. Some time ago, the incident of a girl\’s car crash became a hot topic. The girl was riding to school that day when she was suddenly hit by an open car door. After being hit, she looked in pain, but she did not dare to come forward to argue with the car owner. Instead, she leaned against the wall and endured the pain silently. The electronic version of the best-selling book Primary School Mathematics Helper can be downloaded in 36 volumes in full color and ultra-clear PDF. The whole process lasted for dozens of seconds. No one in the car came down to ask, and she made no next move until a kind passerby sent her away. Afterwards, even when the reporter interviewed the girl, the girl just responded \”magnanimously\”, \”It doesn\’t matter, it doesn\’t matter.\” Her tone was surprisingly calm. This kind of \”indifferent\” is exactly the same as her mother\’s reaction to her injury. In the parent group, some people were concerned about the girl\’s injury, but her mother just said \”it hurts\” in an understatement and nothing more happened. On the surface, the family looks \”kind and generous\”, but they ignore that the girl whose parents always respond \”it\’s okay\” is always hiding her true feelings silently, and becomes timid and cowardly, even when she is hurt. I can only endure it alone. Can\’t help but think of a girl in Shanghai. She has always been taught by her parents since she was a child: \”Don\’t be afraid of suffering as a person, just be patient and it will be over. It doesn\’t matter.\” As her parents wished, she was well-behaved and obedient, never had conflicts with others, was accustomed to being tolerant, and had a timid and passive personality. After graduating from college, she met her boyfriend, a doctor. After getting along for a while, she discovered that the other person loved to drink and would engage in violent behavior when drunk. Her friends advised her to break up, but she remained hesitant. This girl, unable to plan or choose for her future, is afraid of panic but \”obedient and obedient\” at the same time. In the end, he suffered from depression and was sent to the hospital. Famous psychological counselor Susan Forward said: \”It is almost impossible for a child to develop strong self-confidence if he is always forced to lie about his thoughts and feelings.\” Especially \”good kids\” who live under other people\’s standards are always taught to have a friendly look and a gentle attitude., tolerate everything. Although they are well regarded by the outside world, their sense of self-worth is extremely low. Obviously I feel uncomfortable and my interests are being violated, but I don\’t even have the guts to say \”no\”. In the end, it will only give birth to a little heart with extremely low self-esteem, sensitivity, and vulnerability. I would like to ask, how can such children know how to protect themselves when encountering danger in the future and withstand the ups and downs on the road in the future? The best parents build an armor for their children with love, rather than simply telling their children that \”harmony is the most important thing\” and taking the overall situation into consideration. Rather, it can give the child an armor of self-protection when he is bullied and his rights are violated. To protect the growth of their children, far-sighted parents know how to do this: 1. Treat every \”it doesn\’t matter\” from their children as \”it does matter\”. Once, accompany your daughter on a parent-child outing. At that time, there was a naughty kid in the group who was domineering and always trying to steal other children’s game props. Other parents advised their children that it was okay and that at worst, they would give the props to him. There was only one little boy\’s mother. When she saw her son staring at the props, she knelt down and hugged her son, and gently told him: \”Don\’t be afraid, go get it back.\” The little boy got the support of his mother, scolded him loudly, and bravely The toys were snatched back. The naughty child was restrained and no longer grabbed things easily. Really wise parents treat every \”it doesn\’t matter\” their children say as if it does matter. Only by paying attention to every uncomfortable behavior of the child and understanding the subtext of the child\’s heart can we better protect the child. 2. Learn to listen and pay attention to children\’s feelings and situations. In the popular drama \”Growing Up with You\”, Xi Wang was ostracized by other children because of his \”blinking syndrome\”. After learning the news, his parents paid special attention and attention and patiently guided him to express his inner feelings and thoughts. And also asked him to explain the whole process. Under the care of his parents, Xi Wang did not feel inferior because of his illness. Instead, he bravely defended himself against the rejection of his classmates. Steve Biddulph, a well-known Australian family issues expert, once talked about the topic of \”children being bullied\” in his book. He believes that children must be given the opportunity to express their feelings after being bullied. Only by allowing children to clarify their feelings and thoughts in a calm and tolerant manner can we have a chance to rebuild their self-confidence. At the same time, listening carefully will make children feel that they are valued, thereby increasing the courage to face it bravely. After all, seeing and hearing means respect. Only by maintaining the child\’s dignity can he be able to resolutely protect himself. 3. After a child is bullied, you must be his strongest support. There is a \”hardcore mother\” abroad who was accused by the school of causing trouble by her daughter and beat a male classmate. After understanding the situation, I learned that the other party was deliberately teasing her daughter and playing with her underwear, only to be met with a counterattack by her daughter. Faced with accusations from the principal, dean, class teacher and parents of her male classmates, the mother asked the teacher arrogantly: \”Why didn\’t you stop it? Why did you only criticize my daughter?\” Not only that, the mother also took the initiative to report the entire incident to the school board and the education department. department. At her strong request, her daughter was able to change classes and everyone who had bullied her apologized to her. Afterwards, this mother gained even moreGot a lot of good reviews. Writer Bi Shumin said: \”When a child grows up, he first confirms his own existence from the pupils of his parents.\” When a child is bullied, it is when the child is vulnerable and needs love. Solar Opposites: Alien Refugees Season 1 full episode online in ultra-high definition 1080P His parents’ timely intervention and support can make him feel safe and confident to get along with the world. Education expert Suhomlinsky once said: \”We must carefully protect the children\’s hearts like dewdrops on a lotus leaf.\” Don\’t underestimate every \”unsatisfactory\” or \”small injury\” a child has. Only the child\’s best Be aware of the pain and despair you feel after being treated unfairly. As a parent, you must stand from his perspective, care about his mood, pay attention to every \”relevant\” little thing about him, and give your children enough respect and love. Only by covering him with strong armor with love can he bravely defend his life in the future growth full of challenges and difficulties.