\”New type of domestic violence\” is spreading: parents are unaware, and children are overwhelmed until they can breathe

I was chatting with a friend yesterday and I was deeply moved. She complained that her child was ignorant. He was already in the second grade of junior high school and still didn’t know how to study hard. A friend said: In order to let my children live a better life, I often stay up late and work overtime. Sometimes I stay up until past midnight for a month. Because of the intense work all year round, I can’t sleep well now. I have severe cervical spondylosis and poor lumbar spine, but my children are not healthy. They don’t even understand my painstaking efforts! My friend’s complaint reminded me of a video I saw a few days ago. In the video, the father was shirtless, with a cigarette in his mouth and one foot on a stool. He was educating his daughter earnestly: \”Dad can only sleep 4 hours a day.\” During the hour, I only eat one meal a day; when I work in a factory, I can’t bear to go home at noon to save gas money, so I can only go to the warehouse to take a nap; when I work in the summer, I am so tired that I can’t bear to take a break due to heatstroke, so I just want you to study hard and don’t leave me. The daughter who was educated by her father had a pair of study materials in front of her, with a look of grievance on her face, and tears welling up in her eyes. It was her mother who took the video. She captioned the video: \”He is not good at expressing himself, and rarely expresses himself. The child said so much that he is not afraid of hardship, but he just doesn\’t want his children to suffer the same hardship as him. \”Such a scene is very familiar and common in life. At first glance, it seems that there is nothing wrong with it. After all, most of us who were born in the 1980s and 1990s came here like this, listening to the nagging of our parents since childhood. But if you look deeper, you will know When parents find something wrong, they teach their children to study hard and not follow the same path as their parents in the future by showing their own hardships. Parents hope that their children can empathize with them, and they will feel a deep sense of guilt in their children\’s hearts. The children will think: It\’s all. It is because of you that you have made your parents work so hard. If you relax a little, you will feel guilty. Once the string in your heart collapses, you will become rebellious, refuse to go to school, and refuse to communicate with your parents. Children at a young age cannot truly have their childhood. There are many people below this video who object to the little girl’s father’s actions. This kind of “guilt-based education” itself is a kind of moral kidnapping. Parents use their own hardships to educate their children. Educating children in a way that shows weakness or even self-abuse puts too much pressure on the child\’s little mind, makes the child feel guilty, and makes the child obedient. However, this method of education itself is harmful to the child. It\’s very common in life. I have a relative who is always very extreme in her children\’s education. She tries her best to control her children. She even had to listen to her relatives about the color of the water cup she bought for her daughter a few years ago. I bought a gold pendant. My daughter was only about three years old at the time. She chewed the gold pendant and shattered it. The relatives were furious and scolded the child for being a prodigal. The more they scolded, the angrier they became. In the end, they scolded the child and beat themselves at the same time. , I am really speechless. You should have thought of this when buying a gold pendant for your child. The pendant is originally hollow, and it is understandable for a child of about three years old to bite the pendant when he is bored. But this relative scolded me. I am even more excited. Now my relative\’s daughter is in the first grade of junior high school. She has been promoted to the second grade of junior high school this year. She has refused to go to school. She watches TV, plays games and mobile phones at home every day, and refuses to communicate with her parents. Therefore, she is a child.When the pressure exceeds her tolerance limit, the child may collapse directly. The most common change is that the child becomes rebellious, no longer obedient, and does whatever he wants. On the surface, it seems that the child has become rebellious, but in fact this is a mechanism for the child to protect himself; on the surface, it seems that the child has become rebellious, which makes the parents very angry, but in fact, the child is also painful on the inside. Guilt-based education will make children have low self-esteem. Why do most of us parents make our children feel sorry for us? When you grow up, do you always feel unworthy when faced with many opportunities? It\’s very simple, that is, when I was a child, I heard too many complaints and complaints from my parents. This kind of guilt-based education has been deeply ingrained in the children\’s hearts. The children will think that they are a burden and a burden to their parents. There is a colleague who is very beautiful and has strong professional skills, but she has not been in love and has no plans to get married. My colleague said that no one in my family can bear this. I have to send money to my parents regularly every month. I am still not satisfied with this. Every now and then, I tell me how other people’s children are outstanding. My neighbor’s son bought tens of thousands for his parents. My parents also want a massage table worth $1. In short, they want what others have, and they have to find ways to get what others don’t have. If they are not satisfied, they will cry bitterly and say that they have supported me for nothing. It is also helpless to meet such parents. This \”guilt\” does make the children very obedient, but how much love is included in this obedience? This kind of education method is indeed very worry-free. As long as the parents are miserable, it can achieve the goal and scare the children, but it is actually not conducive to the growth of the children. Parents\’ suffering is not caused by their children. It is understandable that we educate our children and want them to become successful, but we do not necessarily use this \”guilt-style\” education method. Chen Meiling sent all three sons to Stanford University. Some people say that it is because they have a high starting point. This accounts for part of the factor, but it is not all. Chen Meiling never beat or scold her children in the process of educating them. She always told them the corresponding truths about specific things. Once the eldest son made a mistake, but he refused to admit it, so Chen Meiling began to reason with her son. After more than 8 hours of reasoning, she did not stop until the child truly realized his mistake. If you were an ordinary parent, you might just start fighting. It can be seen that how to educate children is still worth learning and learning from. As parents, we must allow our children to make mistakes. No one is perfect, everyone is imperfect, and everyone makes mistakes, including us adults. Allow children to make mistakes and help them correct themselves so that children can grow better. Don’t always use your own hardships to morally kidnap your children. Even if you don’t raise children, the hardships they deserve will not necessarily be less. We hope that our children will be good and successful, but the most important thing is that our children will grow up healthy and happy. , children can face life better.