No hitting or scolding, use these three tricks to cure your child’s “glass heart”

He cannot listen to harsh words, and is prone to being petty or even making noises; his mood changes at the drop of a hat, he laughs one second and bursts into tears the next; he is sensitive in his heart, and can make others angry with just one look or expression. He felt hurt… If a child has any of the above reactions, it is probably because of a glassy heart. Glass heart, as the name suggests, is psychologically fragile like glass and will break with the slightest bump. It is also called \”eggshell psychology\” in psychology. If a child with a glassy heart is not given timely guidance, the consequences will be worrying. At a small level, they can\’t listen to criticism and like to be sulky; at a large level, they can\’t stand setbacks and tend to go to extremes. Therefore, parents should exercise their children\’s mental toughness as early as possible to nip problems in the bud. How to improve children\’s psychological resilience? Let’s take a look at three expert tips below. Praise to the heart makes the child\’s heart thick and unbreakable. \”You are great!\” \”This child is so smart!\” \”Wow, my son is such a genius! I give you a thumbs up!\” We are all used to praising our children in this way, and adults appreciate it. The child is happy and nothing seems to be wrong. However, it is under this kind of vain praise that a child\’s glass heart is formed. Carol Dweck, a professor at Stanford University in the United States, once organized an experiment: dividing children into group A and group B. After the first round of testing, the two groups of children were given different comments. The comment received by Group A was: Wow, you solved 8 puzzle pieces correctly, you must be very smart. What Group B received was: Wow, you put together 8 puzzles correctly. You must have tried very hard, so you performed well. In subsequent rounds of testing, the two groups of children performed significantly differently. Most of the children in Group A who were praised for their intelligence tended to choose simple games. They become nervous and frustrated in games that are beyond their capabilities. In the end, they failed because they thought they were \”not smart enough.\” Most of the children in Group B who were praised for their hard work dared to challenge complex games. In a game that is beyond their capabilities, they are still very involved and trying to figure out how to solve the problem. Professor Dweck concluded: Praising children for their hard work will give them a sense of control. On the contrary, praising children for their intelligence is tantamount to telling them that success is not within their control. In this way, they are often helpless when faced with failure. Therefore, don’t superficially praise your children as “smart”! This kind of complimentary mantra cannot provide children with psychological nourishment, and the self-confidence built up by children is also fragile. The correct way to praise a child is to praise the child\’s efforts, point out the child\’s specific behavior, and tell the child that this behavior reflects that he has a certain ability. \”Mom found that you completed your homework quickly and well today. How did you do it?\” \”Dad is very happy. You got up and completed the Chinese recitation this morning by yourself. This is called self-discipline.\” Such careless praise , while encouraging the children, it also guides the children to use their brains to think and sum up their experiences. The self-confidence built up by the children is solid. Only sincere and specific praise can prevent children from forming a glassy heart, and can make children feel solid and motivated, making them more willing to continue working hard. \”Sandwich\” criticism of glassThe most effective way to educate children is to educate children with a heart. Praise alone is definitely not enough. When a child makes a mistake, he should be criticized when it is time to criticize him. Psychologist Professor Gordon believes that children who are able to adapt to criticism in early childhood are often better able to adapt to society when they grow up, and have a stronger ability to withstand setbacks. But many parents often complain: \”My child cries when criticized, or hides and doesn\’t listen to you. He is so anxious! What should I do?\” \”Sandwich\” criticism can help you, for children with a heart of glass. The most effective. The \”sandwich\” effect is a psychological theory of criticism, that is, the content of criticism or suggestions is sandwiched between two praises. Like a sandwich, two thick layers of praise sandwich a thin layer of criticism, making it easier for people to accept criticism. The first layer of praise focuses on praise, appreciation or affirmation; the second layer of sandwich layer includes suggestions, criticisms or different opinions; the third layer of praise focuses on underpinning, giving encouragement, trust or support. In \”Journey to the West\”, Tathagata Buddha only said three simple sentences to let Sun Wukong return to Monk Tang: \”You monkey, you have spared no effort to protect the master in the journey to the west to obtain scriptures. Why did you abandon the master this time and return to Huaguo Mountain alone? Don’t believe in unrighteousness? Go ahead, I believe you will be able to carry it forward and protect the master to obtain the true scripture.” The ancestor of the Buddha expressed his appreciation for Sun Wukong’s protection of Tang Monk, then criticized him for being unbelieving and unjust this time, and finally expressed his trust and expectation. Typical \”sandwich\” criticism. The child is addicted to mobile games, and the parents try to say whatever they want, but the child just doesn\’t listen, which makes the parents very angry. You couldn\’t help scolding him, he felt even more disgusted. Communicating with emotions is bound to result in a lose-lose situation for both parties. The first thing we need to do is to deal with our own emotions and wait until we feel calm before communicating with our children. Before criticizing a child, you should do your homework in advance based on your usual observations and understanding of the child. In \”sandwich\” effect communication, the first step is the most critical. Find out the advantages worthy of recognition from the child\’s shortcomings, so that the child can put down his defensive mentality and be willing to listen to us to continue talking. The second step is to point out where the mistake is and how to correct it when criticizing. The third step is to motivate the child to take action. For example, while playing games, a parent said to their children: \”Mom, I know that you have always been a self-disciplined child, and you will always finish important things first before playing…\” \”You can play games, but you I have become addicted recently and have neglected my studies. This problem is very serious. \”Mom, I believe you will be able to get rid of your addiction. Do you want us to see how to modify the self-discipline plan?\” Show trust to the child and provide support. Children will be willing to cooperate and make changes. For a child with a glassy heart, you must first let the child feel that you are kind, let him know that you see his value and give him enough face. On this basis, if suggestions for improvement are put forward, the children will be more receptive, and such criticism will be effective. \”Trial and error\” experience can best train children\’s mental toughness. A few years ago, when our children were young, we asked our grandparents to help take care of them. The old man feels sorry for his children and is obedient to them. I often hear them nervously shouting to their children: \”Don\’t climb the stairs, you will fall in pain!\” \”How to learn to mop the floor?\”, don\’t slip! \”Doing this will only deprive children of the opportunity to try and make mistakes. The consequence is that children are easily vulnerable and will be devastated after an occasional failure. Evolutionary psychologists Haselton and Leto once said: Human beings are constantly making mistakes. To adapt to the world in such a way that does not allow children to make mistakes means killing their vitality. This is not an exaggeration at all. The process of children making mistakes is a test of the unknown world, and it is also the only way to hone their mental toughness. . Let the children try and make mistakes, let them solve the problem on their own, and provide them with assistance when necessary, but do not overstep their authority to make decisions for them. We only need to clearly tell the children what is dangerous before they are proficient. It can only be done when an adult is present. Let the child try and make mistakes. The adult also needs to have the wisdom to guide the child to correctly view winning and losing. It is normal for children to feel frustrated and emotional when they lose a game or fail in a test. It is not appropriate to comfort him at this time, which will only increase his psychological burden. The wise thing to do is to stay with the child quietly and listen to what he has to say, and then tell the child to accept the fact and allow failure. Analyze the reasons for failure with your children, review what you did not do well, and discuss what you can do to avoid mistakes. Allow your children to try and make mistakes, give them the opportunity to experience failure and frustration, give them the opportunity to experience a sense of accomplishment, and teach them to view winning and losing correctly. Only in this way can children\’s mental toughness be exercised. I have heard a saying: Children who are stubborn are often dug by their parents. If you want your children to lose their stubbornness, they must first lose their selfishness and set an example for their children to manage their emotions. When you encounter setbacks and difficulties in your own life, don’t complain in front of your children, and don’t vent your emotions in front of your children. We must also be able to teach our children how to deal with negative emotions, and then give them a comforting hug. Find ways to vent your emotions, such as playing a game with your children, going for a walk, going for exercise, etc. Only by constantly learning scientific parenting methods can parents improve their wisdom in educating their children and cultivate their children\’s glass hearts into a \”diamond heart.\” \”. Click [Like], I hope we can all teach our children to get along with the world better.