No matter how angry parents are, they must never say these 4 words to their children! Sentences that touch the heart

As the saying goes: A kind word warms you for three winters, but a bad word hurts you for six months. I deeply agree! When we were children, we more or less heard some very offensive words. Maybe you secretly swore that you would never say these words to your children in the future because they were \”too hurtful.\” But when we become parents ourselves, we are surprised to find that words that once disgusted us come out of our mouths again and again. We were all children once, but we never really understood children. There is a topic on Zhihu called \”What is it like to have a parent who doesn\’t talk well?\” There is a highly praised answer that is particularly heartbreaking: As long as my mother and I chat together, within a few words, the two of us will During the quarrel, my mother spoke very harshly, piercing people\’s hearts as if she was piercing them with a knife. I was in a good mood, but because of my mother\’s words, I would instantly collapse and want to commit suicide. Growing up, there was no encouragement, only blows and sarcasm. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t speak well. Hurtful words always come from the mouth of someone you love deeply. The power of language is really amazing. A word from a parent can become sunshine that warms a child\’s life, or it can become a weapon without fireworks, causing a child\’s lifelong low self-esteem. Therefore, if you love your children, please speak well. For the following four types of words, even if you are angry again and would rather rot in your stomach, you must not say them to your children. There is an art to speaking against derogatory words about children, and to reflect the art of speaking well to children requires parenting wisdom. For example, these words: Stupid, useless thing. You did it wrong again, so stupid. It seems that you have no future at all. In the future, you will just move bricks and pick up rags. All I know is playing, but I lose my energy when it comes to studying. I have to admit that some parents are particularly good at cracking down on education. No matter whether their children do what they want, they will crack down on their children mercilessly. Research by education experts shows that the inferiority complex of most children is induced by their parents. A mother left a message in the community. She was often scolded by her parents as \”so useless\” when she was a child. Her parents\’ mocking words made her feel uncomfortable. Although he didn\’t refute, at that time he felt as uncomfortable as tens of thousands of needles pricking his heart. Seeing that the scene in front of him had a double image, he had to work hard to squeeze back the mist in his eyes. In fact, there is no such thing as crackdown on education in this world, crackdown is crackdown; even if it is packaged in the guise of “good for you” education, it cannot conceal the essence of verbal violence. How harmful is verbal violence to children? Dr. Montessori said: Every character defect is caused by some kind of wrong treatment experienced by children in early childhood. Psychology also believes that any mental illness can be traced back to childhood trauma. A casual word or action from a parent may leave a huge shadow in a child\’s heart, affecting the child\’s psychology and spirit throughout his life. Many children were well-behaved when they were young, but in adolescence they are rebellious, tired of learning, and disobedient to discipline. In fact, it has a lot to do with some parents\’ crackdown on education. Under the persecution and education of their parents, children gradually learn to be silent. When encountering difficulties, they would rather use silence to package themselves than talk to their families or friends. As a parent, you mustRemember: those percussive educations in the name of love will really push children into the abyss step by step; such persecutory education will only make children less confident and insecure. Words to scare children When their children disobey, some parents will say some threatening words. Although these words are the parents\’ temporary angry words, such words will make the children feel more uneasy and frightened. For example, the following words: If you disobey again, I will be angry! I don\’t care about you anymore, just do whatever you want. Wait until your father comes back and see how he deals with you! I count to three. If I don’t come over, I won’t be able to eat tonight. The reason why some parents use these threatening words is because sometimes they are really useful, and they can make naughty and mischievous children become obedient immediately. In fact, the negative impact of educational methods that threaten children cannot be underestimated. Even if these threats and warnings have some effect in the short term, the price paid is too high compared with this weak effect. Because such threats will destroy the child\’s sense of security. Especially before the child is 6 years old, if parents often use threatening words to educate their children, it will cause the children to develop a negative personality. Talking to your child like this for a long time will make him develop an inferiority complex and turn into a pleaser personality. And some children, after listening to their parents\’ threatening words for a long time, not only don\’t take it seriously, but also resist. Amy Chua, the American tiger mother who once caused discussion, also encountered such parenting difficulties. One day she was practicing piano with her child, but her daughter refused to cooperate. In order to make her daughter obedient, she threatened: \”Look, it\’s snowing and cold outside. If you don\’t cooperate, I\’ll throw you outside.\” She thought this would make her daughter obedient, but she didn\’t expect her daughter to open the door on her own initiative and put on her clothes. Thin clothes went out. Facing her daughter\’s behavior, Amy Chua panicked. In order to prevent the child from catching a cold, she had to take out chocolates and cakes and coax the child into the house. Parents often say threatening words. Once they say too much, children will no longer take their parents\’ words seriously, which naturally reduces the parents\’ prestige. Children may become more unscrupulous and let themselves go, and parents will not receive good educational results when educating them in the future. Dr. Montessori once said that everything we do to children will bear fruit, not only affecting his life, but even determining his life. Parents who want to use threatening words to control their children are obviously not the best way to educate them. If you put negative labels on your children, once some parents get angry, they can\’t help but put various labels on their children; they blurt out negative words such as \”selfish\”, \”troublemaker\”, \”insensitive\”, etc. in front of their children. For example, the following words: Why are you so ink when you do things? You can’t even do such a simple question, you’re so stupid! You don’t even say hello to your uncle or aunt when you see them, why are you so shy and dull! Parents may never realize that when a child is labeled with a certain label, he will engage in self-impression management to make his behavior consistent with the label. This is the \”labeling effect\”. Some parents talk like this all day long, isn\’t it because they slap themselves in the face and cannot give birth to smart children? What’s even more sad is that some parents don’t know how to praise at allThe child\’s advantages; if you blindly belittle the child, the child is likely to develop in the direction suggested by this suggestion, and eventually become the kind of child his parents say. There was once a very famous experiment in psychology called \”authoritative lies.\” Psychologist Professor Rosenthal randomly found 18 children in an ordinary middle school and said to the teacher: \”These students have high IQs and are very smart.\” Unexpectedly, eight months later, a miracle really happened! Those 18 selected students really became the best in the class. Moreover, they have strong self-confidence, strong thirst for knowledge, and are more willing to deal with others. Why does this happen? Because students who accept the \”excellent\” suggestion feel that they are really excellent, so they use excellent standards to demand themselves, and they really become excellent. How powerful is suggestion? Many people can\’t even imagine it. Whatever \”hints\” you give your children, the children will psychologically recognize their parents\’ hints and will continue to move closer to the image described by their parents. When you give your child positive hints, you give him the power to move forward and eventually become what his parents expect. No matter what we say to our children if we make them feel guilty, the starting point must always be \”for your own good.\” Some parents think that making their children feel guilty can inspire them to be motivated, but sometimes it can backfire. For example, the following words: Mom and Dad go to a good school for you. We work hard to make money, but we are reluctant to eat or wear clothes… I am doing it for your own good, and everything I do is for you. If it weren\’t for you, we would have divorced long ago. Under the influence of guilt, most children will feel depressed; over time, this depressed emotion will emerge in the form of depression, anxiety, etc. I believe that in life, many parents educate their children in a way that makes them feel guilty. The reason why this education model is used by parents is to gain a sense of control. American psychologist Susan Forward vividly defines this behavior as \”emotional blackmail.\” The word \”blackmail\” can be used not only to extort property, but also to emotions. When blackmail occurs emotionally, the blackmailer will often use threats and pressure words to make the victim feel guilty and have to make concessions and have no choice but to comply with the blackmailer\’s demands. Forward points out in her book \”Emotional Blackmail\”: \”When intimacy and security are destroyed, a child\’s happiness and mental health are destroyed. Children who are emotionally blackmailed by their parents will be exposed to unexpected and painful situations. Yan\’s dilemma. \”The biggest harm caused by emotional blackmail is that it will make children feel guilty and happy, and reduce their self-esteem. Therefore, as parents, please stop \”kidnapping\” your children by saying words that make them feel guilty. True love should be unconditional, and love is deep understanding and acceptance. Every child has his own unique shining point, and parents must be good at discovering it; and provide timely encouragement and support so that they can shine the most dazzlingly. Every parent is the guardian of their children. Let us use a tolerant heart to accept, recognize and tolerate our children. Don\’t cause lifelong harm to your children just because of your momentary outspokenness.