Nowadays, the so-called \”filial son\” means parents who are filial to their sons

\”Why is my child always procrastinating and dilly-dallying?\” \”Why is my son not active in learning, like a toad, jumping around when poked, but not moving until he is poked?\” \”Why does my daughter\’s \’glass heart\’ suffer a little? Do you get angry when criticized, and run away when you encounter a little setback?”…Parents and friends often ask the experts of Qinglan Education for similar questions. Recently, Qing Lanjun read Mr. Nan Huaijin’s book \”The Analects of Confucius\”, and there is a sentence in it that can be used as a common answer to the above question – \”In recent decades, the meaning of filial son has been interpreted inversely as filial son. \”The Book of Rites\” says: \”There are three levels of filial piety: the first is respecting relatives, the second is not humiliating, and the third is being able to support.\” That is to say, filial piety is divided into three levels. The highest level is to respect your parents in words, actions and heart, that is, to \”be happy with your heart and not go against your will.\” The middle level is not to beat, scold or insult parents. The lowest level is to provide for your parents until they die. Many people may not be able to do these \”three filial piety\” to their parents, but they can definitely do it to their children, and they will maintain quality and quantity, and will never cut corners. Needless to say, the lowest level of \”ability to support\”. In the past, I only bought things on JD.com and Taobao. After raising my children, I started shopping globally at Nichia, Meiya, and Deya, and my circle of friends basically included purchasing agents from all over the world. When buying things for yourself, you shop around and don’t want to buy them. When you buy things for your baby, you don’t even look at the price tags or blink. Let’s talk about the middle level of “humiliation”. The criticism is that parents do not dare to disobey their children. Occasionally, I get angry because of my child\’s naughty nature, and I feel very distressed and repentant afterwards. Next, let’s talk about the highest level of “respecting relatives”. Since the rise of appreciation education, parents have been saying to their children, \”The baby is great\” and \”The baby is so smart.\” In the community, I saw a mother chasing her 3-year-old son with a bowl to feed him. After the son took it into his mouth, the mother was full of praise: \”It\’s awesome!\” To paraphrase a neighbor\’s vicious comment: Is your son a mentally retarded person? Rousseau, the great French educator, pointed out in \”Emile\”: \”Do you know how to make your child suffer? This method is: obedience.\” Many parents think that being \”filial\” to their children can change their lives. A good parent-child relationship is achieved in exchange for the healthy and happy growth of the child. But things go against expectations, and the result of being obedient is often a child who always brags and glares at his parents, a child who is not independent in life, not active in learning, and not strong-willed. I have seen such a shocking story: In the Arctic Circle, the giant polar bear is invincible. But the Eskimo can catch it easily. How did they do it? The Eskimos first kill a seal, pour the seal\’s blood into a bucket, and insert a double-edged dagger into the center of the blood. The dagger quickly condenses in the middle of the seal\’s blood, like an oversized popsicle. The Eskimo poured out the popsicles and dropped them on the snowy field to wait. Polar bears have one characteristic: they are bloodthirsty. When it smells the scent of seal blood, it rushes over and starts licking the delicious blood popsicles. His tongue gradually became numb as he licked it. Suddenly, the taste of blood became better – it was fresh and warm blood. The polar bear licked more and more vigorously – he didn\’t know that his tongue, which was numb from the cold, had been pierced by a sharp dagger, which was himself.of blood. The result of such continuous licking is: the tongue is injured deeper and the blood flows more. Finally, the polar bear fainted from blood loss, and the Eskimos captured it without any trouble. The \”filial piety\” of parents towards their children is like this blood popsicle, extremely delicious but also extremely cruel. It tastes delicious to children when they first taste it, but it doesn\’t take long for them to become paralyzed, injured, and faint. A mother once complained to an expert from Qinglan Education that her son was timid, lazy and dependent. As he spoke, he shook his head and sighed, not knowing what to do. As soon as we got to know her, we found that her son was already in the third grade, and his parents still prepared every detail for him, even squeezing in toothpaste for him when brushing his teeth. Before going to school, prepare all the schoolbags and utensils and carry them directly to school for him. I\’m afraid the child himself doesn\’t know what is in the schoolbag. Parents are too proactive, do everything by themselves, and \”worry\” too much, depriving their children of the opportunity to take the initiative and leaving them no room to think. This kind of overriding leads to children\’s dependence, unwillingness to take the initiative to do things and think about things, and their inertia becomes more and more powerful. Some people jokingly say that Chinese parents’ training of their children is the word \”report\” – 5-year-old: My child, I signed up the Children\’s Palace for you. 7 years old: My child, I enrolled you in the Mathematical Olympiad class. 15 years old: My child, I enrolled you in a key middle school. 18 years old: My child, I signed up for you the college entrance examination assault class. 23 years old: Son, I registered you as a civil servant. 32 years old: Son, I signed up \”If You Are the One\” for you. Many parents complain that their children have no independent opinions and are weak, but they do not reflect. How much space do they give their children to think and make decisions in their lives? There is a \”100% theory\” in psychology, which means that if parents do everything, children don\’t have to do it; if parents don\’t do 20%, children can complete 20%; if parents can\’t do 80%, Children can do 80%, and their potential can also be unleashed by 80%. If adults do everything for their children, the child\’s growth opportunities will actually be deprived, and the child\’s potential will not be realized at all. There is a farmer in the United States who asks his children to work hard on the pasture every holiday. A friend said to him: \”You don\’t need to make your children work so hard, the crops will still grow well.\” The ranch owner replied: \”I am not cultivating crops, I am cultivating my children.\” In many Western families , parents generally attach great importance to cultivating their children\’s self-care ability from an early age, and let their children sell their physical strength, such as pushing a lawn mower for others in the summer, helping others sweep fallen leaves in the autumn, and helping others shovel snow in the winter. Even children from rich families have to share the family\’s chores such as mowing lawns, painting houses, and carpentry repairs, in order to let them understand the value of labor. In contrast, Chinese children \”don\’t need to worry about anything else as long as they study hard.\” This kind of \”hardworking\” of Chinese parents is actually laziness – too lazy to cultivate the ability of children to take care of themselves. When children are young, they often do things clumsily and messily. At this time, many parents are often impatient and feel that instead of letting their children do things and making a mess, it is better to help their children do it directly to save time and effort. As children get older, they face some choices. This is something some parents worry aboutI am worried that my children will take detours, so I directly help them think about problems and make decisions. But in the long road of life, children must ultimately make their own way, and detours are bound to happen. Only by making their own choices can they learn to make smarter decisions. The difference here is like eating fast food out and cooking at home. Parents\’ hands-on activities are like fast food. Children only need to sit down and eat, and they will be full without caring about anything. Its advantage is that it is simple and convenient, but the child does not get much nutrition. And letting children do things and make up their own minds is just like cooking at home. He had to buy and wash vegetables, steam, cook, stew, stir-fry, wash dishes and wipe the table. It was really time-consuming and laborious, and he might even burn the vegetables. But the price is worth it, because once it is cooked, it is not only delicious but also nutritious. If you want your children to become talented, you have to pay this price sooner or later. Research by Terry Apter, a social psychologist at the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom, shows that young people who receive strong parental support tend to be more optimistic, more ambitious, and bolder in career choices. However, if parents give too much support, the final result may be that their children become dependent and feel that everything is as it should be, and ultimately the parents can only ruin their own retirement plans. I heard a joke: There was a white-collar couple who resigned and went home after just a few months of work. His friend asked them: \”What should we do when we go back?\” The husband replied: \”Chew on the old man.\” The friend asked again: \”Who will take care of the children in the future?\” The wife said: \”The old man will take care of him.\” The friend continued to ask: \”The old man passed away. What should I do?\” The husband and wife looked at each other and replied in unison: \”Chew on the young.\” Behind every child who \”chews on the old\”, there once stood a \”filial son\” – parents who were filial to their son.