Once the mother becomes enlightened, the child becomes a dark horse

A mother posted a question on the Internet: \”How can I make my children obedient?\” Among the many comments, there was a favorable answer: \”Change yourself first.\” Parents always want their children to be obedient, but they often forget to listen to their children. . In fact, love is dynamic and requires respect and communication between each other. It should not be a unilateral contribution and sacrifice by parents. As Teacher Fan Deng said: \”In the process of disciplining children, if you use too much force, feel very tired, and the child is in great pain, then the method must be wrong.\” Children are like a mirror, reflecting the appearance of their parents. If you want your child to become the dark horse running on the track of life, you must become a wise man who can lead your child forward. Many people have this feeling. Ever since becoming a mother, life has been accompanied by anxiety: the anxiety of seeing other people’s children go to early childhood education as soon as they were born; the anxiety of having a mother when the child just entered kindergarten. The anxiety of paying attention to kindergarten transition courses; the anxiety of many families around us who are preparing for their children’s school district housing; the anxiety of hoping that the children will be safe and healthy before they are born, and seeing the excellence of other people’s children as they grow up , constantly asking them to strive to be the first. However, raising children under anxious parents is not only useless but also brings a sense of insecurity to the children. They talk about their anxieties in their children\’s ears, thinking they can motivate them, but in fact they are destroying their self-confidence and yearning for a better life. My cousin is a typical anxious mother. Her son, Tinker Bell, is in the fifth grade of elementary school. He has never been interested in learning, and his grades are always at the bottom of the class. Whenever she sees her son being lazy, her cousin gets angry and scolds her loudly. Her emotions were like a tinderbox, and the atmosphere at home became extremely tense. Her cousin even showed up with thyroid nodules during a physical examination. The doctor told her that this was an endocrine disorder caused by long-term emotional depression. Looking at herself haggard in the mirror, my cousin began to reflect on her own education methods. One night, my cousin was sitting by the window, looking at the stars outside the window, and recalled that when she was a child, she grew up under the strict requirements of her parents, but that kind of pressure made her feel depressed and wanted to escape from her parents. At that moment, my cousin seemed to have an enlightenment. When the son brought the paper with all the marks on it as usual, he brought it to his cousin to be criticized. The cousin changed her usual \”shrew\” behavior and said to her son: \”It doesn\’t matter, this time it\’s five points more than last time.\” \”The son looked at his cousin in confusion, and the cousin continued: \”Study is your business. Mom will not interfere with you too much, but you can tell your mother if you need help.\” Later, my cousin really only took care of the child\’s daily life. The children\’s studies are no longer interfered with, and the atmosphere at home becomes more relaxed. Tinker Bell also felt the changes in his mother. She no longer yelled at him from time to time because he was in a bad mood. He began to open up and actively discuss with his mother which questions on the test paper he was careless about and which ones he was not proficient in. Gradually, his grades improved significantly. improvement. Educating children is not about strict requirements, but requires understanding and guidance. Only when children feel the love and support of their parents can they thrive. In the parent-child relationship, when the mother no longer insists on changing the child and has a stable core, the child can better find the right place in life to realize the value of life and become better. Love conforms to its nature, not what I want. Once I attended a parenting lecture, the teacher on the stage raised a question: What do young people fear their parents most? The answer of a classmate in the audience resonated with me: \”When parents say it\’s good for you.\” He said: When he was in elementary school, his parents always used \”it\’s good for you\” to sign him up for several training classes as a matter of course. No one is left behind. When he was in middle school, his parents also used \”for your own good\” to interfere with all his interests and hobbies, so that he could concentrate on his studies. When he was in college, his parents continued to use \”for your own good\” to get him to choose a major that was closer to home but he didn\’t like at all. Later, I got used to my parents\’ \”for your own good\” and forgot that I was also thoughtful. In fact, parents\’ love for their children should be to make them full-fledged, rather than to tie them up with love for your use. In the TV series \”Chen Huan Ji\”, the love of Mai Chenghuan\’s mother is really suffocating. She is a housewife who surrounds her children all day long, especially her daughter Cheng Huan, who loves her too much and has no sense of boundaries. Even though Cheng Huan and her rich second-generation ex-boyfriend had broken up, her mother made up an excuse to bring her daughter to the engagement ceremony in the name of \”for your own good.\” After discovering the problem, the daughter rejected her mother\’s approach. In the end, her mother\’s slap became an indelible scar for both mother and daughter. It was not until later that the mother and daughter had an in-depth conversation that we discovered that the mother\’s suffocating love for Cheng Huan was because her family of origin made her suffer so much, so she vowed to give her all her love when she had a daughter in the future. However, if a mother\’s love is too full, it will overflow and become a constraint for the child. In fact, parents\’ love has many forms of expression, but love has only one powerful effect on a child, which is to make the child become more independent and stronger. Mr. Hu Shi once said: \”My raising you is just a biological essence due to blood, not a favor, so you don\’t need to repay me. Instead, I want to thank you for your participation, so that my life will be more complete.\” Every child has his own characteristics. With unique personalities and potential, they are not copies of their parents, but independent individuals with their own vitality and creativity. Parents\’ love for their children should be in line with their own nature, not what they want; they should be expecting them to fly to higher and broader places, rather than being trapped around them and being used by me. Parents should be whatever they want their children to be. Makarenko, a famous Soviet educator, said: Don’t think that education is only when you teach your children. In fact, every moment in daily life is educating children. Online @dianma shared a story: \”Xiao Zhang works in a foreign company. When he first joined the company, he was full of enthusiasm. He left early every day and came back late every day. His work efficiency was also very high. However, with the birth of his son, Xiao Zhang\’s passion for work began to change. Gradually it faded away. He focused entirely on his children. Due to the decrease in work efficiency, his boss gradually transferred his work, but Xiao Zhang did not feel a sense of crisis and thought that the children would grow up and take the college entrance examination. However, his son was not interested in studying at all. Xiao Zhang wanted his son to get admitted to a key university.When people hired tutors, he also hired tutors for his sons. Faced with Xiao Zhang\’s constant pressure to study, his son resisted. Xiao Zhang said to his son: \”Other people can\’t afford a tutor. Don\’t be ignorant of your blessings. Your lack of ambition makes me so disappointed.\” His son retorted to Xiao Zhang: \”Dad, you urge me to study every day.\” , but you just sit on the sofa playing with your phone and watching TV every day, and you have no ambition, right?\” Xiao Zhang was stunned after hearing his son\’s words. He did not expect that his son\’s low enthusiasm for learning was because he did not set an example. . Why are the children of artists and professors generally smarter? It is not because the genes are inherited well, but because the parents first strengthen themselves and set a good example for their children, and the children follow them for a long time and form the same habits. Parents are their children\’s best role models and the source of their children\’s character. Don\’t have any expectations for your children, and don\’t put your own desires on your children. If you want your children to study well, you should study first; if you want your children to be polite to others, you should learn to respect others yourself. Parents establish correct values ​​for their children and actively guide them to work towards their goals. If you want your children to become optimistic, diligent and eager to learn, parents should be full of energy, actively encourage their children to explore knowledge, and give them positive feedback. In this way, children can become the people we expect under our influence. I once read a post on Weibo by a mother, which deeply touched me: \”I am not a perfect mother. I need to rest with peace of mind, arrange time to be alone, love this \’self-loving\’ self, and be a 60-point mother.\” Just be a decent mother and don’t strive for perfection. \”On the road of raising children, every parent is an explorer. At every stage of the child\’s life, we need to adjust our mentality and tolerate them with love and understanding. Sometimes children are naughty, active, and self-disciplined, which are all part of their growth. As long as parents maintain a peaceful mind and guide them with wisdom and patience, they will discover the shining points in their children. Parenting is a practice, but also a journey of love. Let us use a peaceful mind to accompany our children to grow up healthily.