Only from these 3 movies did I understand what just the right amount of maternal love is

The poet Gibran once said: \”The sweetest word that a person\’s lips can utter is mother, and the most beautiful call is mother.\” Every mother is great and instinctively loves her children deeply, but The quality of maternal love varies widely. The love we give our children will turn into control if we give it too much, and it will turn into neglect if we give it less. Maternal love is a difficult practice that requires continuous exploration, introspection, and study in order to grasp the \”degree\” and give the child the \”just right\” love. So what kind of maternal love is “just right”? These 3 movies gave me a lot of thinking and inspiration. The perfect maternal love in \”Spring Tide\” means letting go of control. I once read this sentence: When love appears in the form of possession, control and dominance, \”being loved\” becomes endless masochism. The movie \”Spring Tide\” vividly displays this suffocating love, and also allows us to see how terrifying a controlling mother can be. [Children\’s Bedtime Stories] Collector\’s Edition of 300 Classic Philosophical Stories. Her mother, Ji Minglan, was enthusiastic and helpful and loved by others outside, but she turned into another mean and resentful person at home. She felt that she had sacrificed everything, but could not get the gratitude and reward from her family. So she turned her hatred for her husband and dissatisfaction with life into ropes to bind her daughter. She would take her daughter with her to report her husband, and she would unabashedly accuse her husband of being shameless and obscene in front of her daughter again and again. The daughter kept a photo with her late father, which she burned in a rage. She dragged her daughter desperately, forcing her to stand on her side and follow her to hate and hate her father. Her daughter became pregnant out of wedlock. She originally wanted to abort the child, but she persuaded her to give birth. But as soon as the child was born, she was taken away from her. She did not allow her daughter to participate in the kindergarten pick-up and parent-teacher meetings. After her daughter ran away with her child for a few days, Ji Minglan threatened her granddaughter: \”Your mother is going to kill you.\” \”Only grandma loves you in this world.\” She was afraid that her daughter would escape her control, so she wanted to Use your granddaughter in exchange for your daughter\’s absolute obedience. The 40-year-old Guo Jianbo was powerless to do anything about it. She could only silently confront her mother. She burned her cigarette butts on her mother\’s dried radishes. She deliberately unplugged the kitchen water pipe to cause a leak. She stabbed her hand into the cactus until it was bleeding… Extremely depressed, she chose to turn the blade inward and destroy herself. : \”You want me to find a good man, have a family, and live a decent life, but I don\’t want you to see me like I am now!\” There is this passage in \”Silent Confession\”: \”Family, sometimes, is just a The horror of a cage set up in the name of love is that there is no lock on the door, but you dare not push it out. You can only roar and accept all the arrangements of love until you drown in it or be separated by time.\” Once love loses its sense of proportion and boundaries, it will only bring depression and pain to the child. In reality, there are countless children who are suffocated by their mothers\’ love. A child doesn\’t like to eat dumplings stuffed with leeks, but he is forced to eat them; a child doesn\’t want to learn piano, but he is forced to learn it; a child wants to work, but he is forced to take the postgraduate entrance examination… When a child expresses a little bit of himselfWhen parents express their own thoughts, they will be labeled as \”disobedient\”, \”unfilial\” and \”white-eyed wolf\” by their parents, and then they will say these words: \”Why don\’t you listen to me!\” \”You are everything to me.\” Ah!\” \”I do all this for you.\” Writer Jiang Xun once said that people have their umbilical cord cut twice, once at birth and once during development. The child hopes to break away from his mother, because only by breaking away can he prove the meaning and value of his existence. As mothers, we must know how to keep boundaries and heal past shortcomings ourselves instead of venting anger and control on our children. Children are not a punching bag, a scapegoat, or a tool to satisfy their parents\’ expectations. Cut off the invisible umbilical cord between you and your child, exit your child\’s life gracefully, give him the greatest freedom, and then wish him to go further. This is the best maternal love. \”A Thousand Arrows Pierce the Heart\” has just the right amount of maternal love. The main character in the film is Li Baoli, who has a fiery temper and is a typical \”sharp-tongued\” mother. She looked down upon her husband, who came from a rural background, so she took advantage of the opportunity to disparage him. Moving to a new home should have been a joyful day, but when the workers temporarily raised the price because there were too many luggages, she got mad on the spot and started yelling. Her husband understood the hard work of the workers, so he bought cigarettes and soda drinks for everyone, but Li Baoli said that he was \”really cheap.\” The husband, who was so frustrated at home, always used the excuse of working overtime and coming home late, and eventually cheated on his co-worker. While Li Baoli secretly reported her husband for prostitution, she concealed the fact that she called the police and pretended to forgive her husband regardless of past suspicions. But she did not restrain herself because of this. Instead, she always mocked her husband as \”no good\”. Finally, when the husband learned the truth, he jumped into the river and died in despair. For the sake of her son, Li Baoli did not remarry, but did the most painful and tiring pole work. When her son became the top scorer in the college entrance examination, she thought she was finally coming through, but what she didn\’t expect was that her son wanted to cut off the relationship and force her to move out of the house. Since he was a child, what Li Baoli has done has made his son fearful and disgusted. He watched his father being forced step by step by his mother to the point of no retreat, so he could only hide the resentment in his heart and wait for the opportunity to escape completely. Li Baoli\’s love for her son is undoubted, but her irritability and outspokenness also ruined the entire family. If the mother is emotionally stable and peaceful, her words will also be like a breath of fresh air. If the mother is irritable and irritable, she will also speak with guns and sticks, and hurt others with her words. In the end, the whole family will be in chaos and even fall apart. A netizen on Zhihu talked about his family’s experience: When a family went out to play, no one brought an umbrella. When it started raining, his mother collapsed and began to accuse his father: “Why didn’t you bring an umbrella? Don’t you know to check the weather forecast in advance? Every time you do something, you don’t know to check it in advance! If you did, you would bring an umbrella…\” The netizen went to buy an umbrella and said, \”Okay, I bought an umbrella, we Let\’s go.\” But his mother still refused and continued to complain: \”Why do I want this umbrella? Why do you want to buy it? Why don\’t you take it when I have an umbrella? Spend more money in vain? You will be the same all your life. Like this! It will always be the case! If you are careless, you will never make a profit in the future!\” When he was a child, he encountered this kind of situation and could only stay in the mountains helplessly.He was scolded helplessly and cried helplessly. Later, when he grew up, he developed overreactions, was extremely afraid of quarrels, had a weak and low self-esteem, and could not control his emotions. A mother\’s true strength is her love, tolerance, and peace. Having gentle emotions and knowing how to shut up is the proper maternal love, and it is also a higher level of wisdom. Only if we don’t say anything to complain, don’t say anything derogatory, and don’t say anything to ask questions, can our children grow up healthily and our family become better and better. The perfect maternal love in \”Bad Mom\” ​​is to love yourself first. Fudan Professor Shen Yifei once told his own story. Once, when she was eating a sandwich at home, she accidentally dropped it on the floor. Her son saw it and immediately came over to clean it up without saying a word. He also said a joke: \”Mom, I have to take care of my mother-in-law, my wife, and you in the future. It will be too difficult for me.\” In Shen Yifei\’s family, there has never been a saying that \”mom takes care of everything.\” When she returns home, she usually divides all responsibilities: her husband is mainly responsible for accompanying her, and she learns to let the children take responsibility for themselves, while she will take on limited housework. Then take some time to yourself, such as watching a TV series to relax yourself. She is happy and the atmosphere in the whole family is relaxed. Shen Yifei concluded that if a mother makes herself very powerful and does everything herself, she will only wrong herself and harm her children. In the movie \”Bad Moms\”, Amy is exactly such a \”superhuman\” mother. Every morning, she is responsible for preparing breakfast and lunch for her two children and sending them to school in a hurry. She had to work and take care of the household, so she was so busy that she had no time to eat, so she could only make a few casual meals. After get off work, she has to go to the supermarket to buy ingredients, and then rush home to prepare dinner for her children. She takes care of her children\’s academic performance, extracurricular tutoring, parent-teacher meetings, and school activities all by herself. When Amy came home exhausted from carrying large and small bags, her husband, who was sitting on the sofa petting the puppy, laughed at her for looking like a porter. What\’s even more ironic is that my husband gets tired after just having a conference call all day long. Because he disliked Amy for neglecting him, he used an excuse to cheat on her. And the children did not let Amy worry. Not only did they hate Amy, they also complained about her and disliked her. They took her efforts for granted without any feeling of distress or gratitude. If the string is too tight, it will eventually break, and Amy will eventually be overwhelmed. After an emotional breakdown, she decided to be a \”bad mother.\” She began not to make breakfast or interfere with her children\’s homework, but to enjoy her own life. When she put the focus on herself, the children also changed a lot. My daughter is no longer tense all the time and feels relaxed. My son no longer relies on me for everything. Instead, he has learned to make his own breakfast and take the initiative to do his homework. Many mothers are like Amy, who devote everything to their family and children, but forget to love themselves properly. The book \”The Evolution of Mothers\” points out: \”A mother who is lacking in heart and does not take good care of herself is like a car with an empty mailbox. No matter how hard you step on the accelerator, it is just idling.\” Mom blindly said Sacrifice and dedication will only make you exhausted. When your own energy is drained, what can you use to nourish your children? As mothers, we do 60 points is enough, and the remaining 40 points are used for ourselves. A mother must first love herself and make herself happy and happy, then she can give her children the \”appropriate\” love. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! There is a term in psychology called \”non-love behavior\”. It means \”All mothers love their children, but not all mothers\’ behaviors are in love with their children.\” If love has no boundaries, no temperature, and no self, it will turn into harm. Less gesticulating, more respect for your freedom; less emotional venting, more balance between rationality and warmth. Don\’t get too close to your child, don\’t be too nice to your child, but make yourself happy and relaxed first. Not forgetting ourselves, letting go at the right time, and watching with all our hearts are the best love we can give our children.