Only one thing can ruin your baby\’s ability to focus, and maybe you\’re doing it

Who hasn’t “helped” a child like this? That day, I accompanied my child to a creative class, which was about making a finger painting called \”Autumn\”. The teacher first demonstrated: draw bark-like patterns on several pieces of paper, use stickers to stick the painted \”tree trunks\” on the painted background board, and then dip your fingers in red and yellow paint. , decorate some \”fallen leaves\” around the \”trunk\”… After the demonstration, the handicraft materials were distributed to the children. The six children present were all about 3 years old and were accompanied by their mothers. The children who got the materials started to move their hands with great interest. Some were studying the brushes, some were waving the strips of paper, and some were focusing on tearing off the stickers… I watched classmate Zhe clumsily draw the \”tree trunk\”, and those strips of paper Being painted in a mess, sitting next to him, an urge to help him rose up in me. The voices of mothers came from all directions: \”You can\’t draw like this, you have to draw like this…\” \”Look, the tree trunk needs to be tilted a little bit so that it looks better…\” \”Don\’t use your palms, use your fingers, and dip less Dot the paint, dot it like mom does…\” Looking around, the mothers were already on the battlefield, and the children were being directed. Some were at a loss with the materials, and some were just watching their mothers operate. One little boy simply ran away to play by himself, and his mother was so anxious that she shouted, \”Come over and do it by yourself. Are you in class or am I in class?\” I couldn\’t help but laugh. It turns out that mothers all have the same thoughts – we are anxious in love, anxious that our children do not do things the \”right way\”, anxious that their children are too slow to accomplish their goals, anxious that we can\’t help but give guidance next to them, and wish we could help them grow. Are we accompanying or interrupting? My cousin has two children. The elder brother is 7 years old and the younger sister has just turned two. Strangely enough, my 7-year-old brother often behaves like a spoiled child to adults: Come play with me! Why is there no one to play with me? But my sister can read books and play with toys by herself and enjoy herself. Logically speaking, the younger you are, the more clingy you are. Why are these two siblings the other way around? The cousin explained that my brother was an only child for a long time after he was born. The whole family revolved around him and he rarely had time alone. When my sister was born, her grandparents were older, and my cousin took on the responsibility of taking care of her. When she was busy with necessary and urgent matters, my sister had to kill her own time. My cousin still remembers that when my brother was climbing on a stool at home when he was more than one year old, his father immediately picked up his mobile phone to take a picture: \”Baby, look here, look here.\” Grandma quickly reminded: \”Baby, be careful not to fall!\” Grandpa was cooking in the kitchen. , also walked out and raised his thumbs to praise: \”The baby is awesome, he can even climb on the stool!\” It\’s just a stool, but it\’s like stars over the moon. This is my brother\’s normal life. As long as there is no sound of his voice in the room, grandma and grandpa will take turns calling: Baby, where are you? Baby, what are you doing? Everyone wants to give him the best care, and there are always people teasing him. What troubles my cousin is that his brother rarely concentrates on doing one thing by himself. As long as no one is around him, he will be at a loss. After going to school, this problem became more and more prominent. He could not concentrate on reading, writing and doing homework. The more attention and companionship we give our children, the less time they spend alone. However, being alone is aChildren need to constantly discover themselves, understand themselves, and learn to face themselves when they are alone. Only when you can be alone can you focus. We give our children so much love, but we never thought that too much attention would disturb their growth. What do children lose by interrupting? Montessori has a famous saying: \”Unless you are invited by the child, never disturb the child.\” 01/ The disturbed child is not focused. When classmate Zhe was more than one year old, he once concentrated on building blocks on the floor. Pushing them down with a roar, then stacking them again, pushing them again… I was very focused when I was stacking them, and I was very excited when I was pushing them. At this time, grandpa came over and said, \”What are you doing? Don\’t keep knocking it down. Come on, let\’s build a strong tall building.\” Grandpa picked up a building block as he spoke, but classmate Zhe didn\’t buy it and stamped his feet and shouted: \”No , I don’t want it!” Children are often very involved in doing things that adults think are boring. Please don’t participate at will. This is a good time for their concentration and development. Children\’s concentration is not cultivated, but protected. 02/ The disturbed child is not independent. I saw a four or five-year-old boy building a house with building blocks in the playground. He arranged it here and there. He didn’t know how to arrange it, so he just sat there and thought. His mother reminded him: \”Put it up, make the house higher, use red to make it more beautiful…\” If the child can play some non-dangerous games by himself, please do not interfere too much. The more we help, the less independent and more dependent our children become. Give your child time to think, and he may come up with better ideas on his own. 03/ The disturbed child has no curiosity. In the monkey mountain at the zoo, a little boy is watching the monkeys. Dad urged: \”Let\’s go, let\’s go. We still need to see pandas. There are so many animals. If we don\’t go, we won\’t see them all.\” The little guy was unmoved: \”I want to see monkeys! Dad, do you think monkeys can eat melon seeds?\” , the monkey’s fingers are just like ours!” Every child has the quality of concentration, especially on things that interest them. When your child is focused on observation, don\’t interrupt your child\’s vigorous discovery just to rush for time. Instead of reading everything quickly, it is better to read it all at once and come back again, so that children can enjoy the fun of discovery and exploration. 04/ The disturbed child, who is not creative, goes to see a friend who is doing housework while chatting with me. The one and a half year old child is playing by himself on the play mat, trying to reach a book on the shelf next to him, but cannot reach it. The little guy looked around, pushed his little chair over, slowly climbed up, and took down the book. The friend had already seen what the child was doing, but did not say anything. He just quickly moved over to protect the child in the event of an accident. Solving problems through thinking when encountering them is the most valuable learning ability. When are problems most likely to arise for children? When alone, of course. Want to get a toy that is placed high but can\’t reach it, want to get snacks but can\’t open the lid… If there are adults around to help, the child no longer needs to think, but if there is no adult to help, the child has to figure it out on his own. Creative thinking is stimulated in the process of \”finding your own solutions\”. How was itThe gift of companionship that best protects children? In the community, there are two places with the most children: sand piles and ponds. I was taking a walk today and passed by a pile of sand. I saw several children playing, mostly with their grandparents. There was only one little boy with his father by his side. The old man took care of the children very carefully, and the grandmothers held water bottles and brought them to the children\’s mouths whenever they had the opportunity to give them a few sips. They kept helping the children wipe their hands and tidy up their clothes, nagging: \”Don\’t play with this, it\’s easy to get lost in the eyes.\” , the sand has poured into the shoes, it hurts the feet, come here and I will help you clean it… Only the father looked at his son with interest and remained silent. When other children were being taken away by their grandparents one after another, the little boy suddenly stood up from the sand pile and said to his father: \”There is sand in my shoes.\” The father asked gently: \”What should I do?\” The little boy thought for a while, sat down, and took off his shoes to clean them. I met a mother by the pond in the community. When the old man said, \”Don\’t get too close, it\’s dangerous,\” she just followed her child closely, stretched out her hands to protect her, and maintained a posture in which she could grab her child at any time. . The child pulled the water with branches and picked up stones and threw them into the water. She was very nervous, but she remained silent until the child was satisfied. Many people don\’t know that the human brain learns through \”feeling\”. Every time a feeling is felt, a picture is formed in the brain. The new picture is constantly compared with the previously stored picture, and another brand new picture is integrated. Brain cells become more and more active in this comparison and expansion. This is a unique learning model for human beings, which requires two conditions to be achieved: first, one\’s own experience produces real feelings; second, the understanding of things is gradually completed through repetitions. Therefore, what children need most is to have independent space to feel and contact things. The father gave the child the opportunity to truly feel; the mother gave the child the opportunity to explore repeatedly. This is the best way of companionship I have ever seen – I am by your side without disturbing you. \”Please do not disturb\” is an important principle in interpersonal communication. Untimely concern is interruption. Many mothers say that their children are inattentive and unable to sit still precisely because their children receive too much attention. Adults are no longer satisfied with being able to see their children. They continue to care and control through words and actions, which eventually evolves into intervention and control. The result is that children\’s self-development is suppressed or even distorted. When a child focuses on something he is interested in, if no one disturbs him, this concentration will gradually become his own quality. If he is always disturbed, his concentration will gradually lose. Every child comes with his or her own talents. Instead of trying to stimulate them, it is better to protect them first. When your child is playing alone and enjoying himself, even if you think what he is doing is boring, please remain respectful and watch silently; when your child studies the food in the bowl and makes a mess on the dining table and floor, even if you have a few episodes of mysophobia, If your child is almost going crazy, please take a deep breath and don’t let blame interrupt his exploration; when your child works hard to do something that you think is impossible, no matter how impatient you are, please wait patiently and don’t use Your enthusiasm helps thwart his attempts. Many times, when facing children, there is only one thing we have to do –Shh, don\’t make a sound.