Only the most defeated people will choose to beat and scold their children

I went to a breakfast shop to eat in the morning, and sitting next to me was an old lady in her 60s with a grandson who was less than 4 years old. The grandson took a mouthful of pickles, grabbed his grandma\’s hand and said softly, \”salty.\” The old lady pushed the little boy away and roared in a loud voice: \”If you don\’t drink porridge, it won\’t be salty. I\’ll teach you how to do that!\” The grandson buried his head low and said no more. I don’t know what this old lady has been through. Maybe she lost money playing mahjong last night, maybe she had a quarrel with her daughter-in-law this morning, or maybe she just gets used to losing her temper at this helpless kid. The other day, a mother told me that she spanked her child. I\’m surprised, your child is only one month old. She said that her daughter kept crying and could not be comforted no matter what. I was so angry that I pinched her hard on the leg. I don’t know how she was able to do this, but I can appreciate the scene at that time. She had no job, became a mother at a young age, and was alone at home watching over her children, cooking and buying groceries. Her husband’s income was meager and she was beaten every day. Life was so overwhelming, and when she looked at the crying child, the despair dominated her entire brain, and she could no longer think rationally. This child became the only tool she could use to vent her anger. I know she is going through the most difficult time in her life. If I were by her side, I really wanted to help her hold the baby so that the baby would not feel the deep hostility from the world before even opening its eyes. She said, I regretted it very much. After the beating, I hugged her and cried together. I believe. But I believe that this will not be the last time she beats and scolds her child. Just like every time I was spanked as a child, my father’s favorite words to me were always: Dad will never beat you again. He speaks so sincerely every time, so sincere that he believes it deeply. However, what I hope for is that the interval between the next spankings can be longer. He loves me, but he hates himself. A person\’s attitude towards his children is a reflection of his own attitude. The most important criterion for judging the progress of a society is how they treat their children. Few children born in the 1980s have never been beaten, just like our parents, few have a happy life. They caught up with going to the countryside, missed the college entrance examination, spent their whole lives working in an office with a newspaper and a cup of tea, or worked in a workshop with a lathe for twenty years, and were laid off in middle age. My father was once particularly unhappy. He was originally a key nurturing target for young and promising people in the office. However, he accidentally offended the leader and was sent to the grassroots workshop. I still remember the day he received the transfer order. I had just entered elementary school and was still a lively age. I came to his office after school. His face was as gloomy as a piece of rusty pig iron. Even though I didn\’t understand anything, I was still shocked by the deathly atmosphere, and I didn\’t dare to take a breath. For a long time after that, the family was frozen in a strange atmosphere, like a Fassbinder film. From then on, getting beaten became a daily routine for me. If you don\’t do your homework well, you\’ll be beaten; if you\’re criticized by the teacher, you\’ll be beaten; if you talk back to him, you\’ll be beaten. However, at that time, I actually took it for granted, because many of my classmates sufferedThe beating was harder than mine. One of the boys was famous for his naughtiness, and his father was also famous for his violence. He often walked into the classroom with a depressed look on his face, covering his arm that was bruised and bruised from being pinched. Once he was detained in class, and his father rushed into the classroom angrily. Without asking any questions, he kicked him in the stomach in front of all the teachers and classmates. He squatted down in pain. on the ground. Later I learned that he lost his mother when he was very young, and his father took him to live in a small factory building not far from the school, and they maintained their lives by looking at the door for others. As a father, he hopes that his son will become a successful person and not make the same mistakes as himself. But the only choice he could make was to beat and scold the child endlessly. Every parent who beats and scolds their children does so in the name of wanting to control their children, but they cannot even control their own emotions. Their hands look powerful, but their hearts are most pale and weak. Only when the weak are angry will they draw their swords at the weaker, not to mention that the opponent is just a child with a huge disparity in strength. Hitting your child means that you are unable to educate your child in a better way. Every slap on your child\’s face is a slap on your own heart. I was beaten so hard that I said to my father: Just wait, there will come a day when you will be too old to move, and I will be extremely powerful. I deeply regret what I said. Apart from the tense tit-for-tat confrontations during the quarrel, our father-daughter relationship is actually very deep on weekdays. I love my father as much as he loves me. As my heart becomes stronger and stronger, I deeply regret what I said. His career is gradually getting on the right track. Now, he loves to read my official account the most, and he often discusses his outlook on life and education with me. We finally stand at the two ends of the years and shake hands to make peace. But for a long time, I have been learning how to manage and control my emotions, just like picking chili peppers from a red oil hot pot, bit by bit removing the hostility hidden deep in my heart. I was even a staunch DINK until I was sure I could give my kids lots and lots of love. Later, I met a friend. She has the best temper I have ever seen and the most comfortable speaking person. She is not pretentious or deliberately trying to please, and she knows how to really think about problems from the perspective of others. Her father passed away a few days ago, and she cried fiercely. She said, you know, when I was a child, no matter how expensive I broke the things at home or how much I lied, my father never beat or scolded me. Naughty children have been a hot topic in recent years, which undoubtedly gives parents the best reason to spank their children: Aren’t all naughty children born out of habit? If you want to discipline, you have to beat! What they don’t know is that a child’s crying in infancy, naughtiness in childhood, and rebellion in adolescence are often signs of lack of love. How much he hopes you can pay attention to him! Over the years, for every troublesome child I have encountered in public places, there is a parent who turns a blind eye. When the consequences of turning a blind eye cannot be borne by oneself, beating and scolding become the only solution. Parents of babies of the same age as Shengbao always ask me: What should I do if my baby cries and insists on being held? I said, haven’t you already given the answer yourself? If he wants to hug you, then youJust hug it! Three-month-old babies are when they need to establish a sense of security the most. Shengbao is now the funniest among the children of his age. Every day when he opens his eyes, he already giggles at me. Every time I take him out, he is surrounded by envious eyes: Your baby is so good! What an angel baby! A friend asked: Didn’t you say before that he was a baby with high needs? I said yes, but I met his needs. When he cries, no matter how busy I am or how bad my mood is, I will always give him the gentlest smile, put aside everything at hand, hold him gently, and tell him: Mommy loves you. Of course I know that the road to raising children will not be smooth. There will definitely be many naughty, rebellious and troublesome moments in the future, but isn’t this the most interesting part of raising children? Face it together and grow together, you will Discover that children will never be a stumbling block or a drag on you, but will eventually make you a better version of yourself. A person with a full and strong heart will never use sticks to express his love for his children. There are no shortcuts to raising a child. Please give him a lot of patience and wait quietly for him to bloom. Dear child, wipe away your tears quickly, I am willing to accompany you on the way home. Text | Zebra: young writer, consultant, and the best columnist in One Psychology