Only when children are willing to use it can they become great talents.

\”I only know how to pity my children, but I am not willing to use them.\” This is the misunderstanding of the love of today\’s parents. This reminds me of the story of \”touching the dragon and talking about the Queen Mother Zhao\”. The story takes place during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period. In 265 BC, Qin attacked Zhao and captured three cities. Because the new king of Zhao came to the throne, the Queen Mother Zhao was in charge of political affairs. Zhao State asked Qi State for help, and Qi State replied: \”You must take Zhao Gongzi Chang\’an Jun (the Empress Dowager Zhao\’s youngest son) as a hostage.\” The Empress Dowager Zhao refused, and Qi State did not send reinforcements. The ministers of the State of Zhao repeatedly advised the Queen Mother, but the Queen Mother Zhao became angry and said: \”Whoever wants to ask Chang\’an Lord to be a hostage again, my old lady will definitely spit in his face!\” Zuo Shi (official name) asked the dragon to see the Queen Mother, and the Queen Mother Waiting for him to come in angrily. Chulong trotted in and sat down, apologizing and saying, \”Old sir, my legs are not flexible. I haven\’t come to visit the Queen Mother for a long time, and I am worried that the Queen Mother is not feeling well, so I still want to visit the Queen Mother.\” The Queen Mother said, \”Old lady, I just want to visit you.\” I can rely on people pushing the cart to go back and forth.\” Chulong asked again: \”Have you eaten less?\” The Queen Mother said: \”It\’s just porridge.\” At this time, the unhappy look on the Queen Mother\’s face faded a little. Chulong said: \”My son Shuqi is the youngest and not very mature. As I am old, I love him the most in private. I hope that he can fill the vacancy of a black-clothed guard to protect the palace. Here, I take the liberty of Regardless of the risk of committing a capital crime, I request you!\” The Queen Mother said: \”Yes. How old is he?\” \”He is 15 years old. Although he is still young, I still hope to arrange for him before I am buried.\” The Queen Mother asked: \”A real man also Do you love your youngest son?\” Chulong replied: \”He is more powerful than women!\” The Queen Mother smiled and said: \”Women are still more powerful.\” But Chulong said: \”Privately, I feel that old lady, you love your daughter Queen Yan more than love.\” The youngest son, Lord Chang\’an.\” The Queen Mother said: \”You are wrong! I love Queen Yan far less than I love Lord Chang\’an.\” Chulong said: \”Parents who love their children must make long-term considerations for them. When Queen Yan got married, you caught He held her hand and burst into tears. Thinking of her marrying so far away in the country of Yan, you felt very sad. After Queen Yan passed away, you didn\’t miss her, but when you offered sacrifices, you prayed: \”Don\’t let anyone send her back.\” Returning to her natal family means being divorced!\’ Isn\’t this a long-term consideration, hoping that her descendants can become kings in the Yan Kingdom?\” The Queen Mother nodded and said: \”Yes.\” Chulong added: \”From now on, it will be extended to three generations. In the past, the descendants of King Zhao were made marquises. Are there any heirs who are still on the throne now?\” The Queen Mother replied: \”No.\” Chulong said: \”This means that if you are close, disaster will affect you; if you are far, disaster will affect you; The disaster has affected the descendants. Could it be said that the king\’s sons who have been granted lordships are all unworthy? It\’s just because they have an honorable status without military merit, a generous salary without hard work, and enjoy many treasures of the country. Now you raise the status of Lord Chang\’an and grant the title You gave him good farmland and many treasures, but you didn\’t let him make meritorious service to the country now. Once you die, how can Lord Chang\’an gain a foothold in Zhao?\” The Queen Mother came to her senses and said, \”Okay, it\’s up to you to make arrangements. Let\’s go!\” So he ordered a hundred chariots to be prepared for Lord Chang\’an to go to Qi as hostages. Qi State immediately sent troops, and Qin State\’s army retreated. Chulong is right: \”Parents who love their children have far-reaching plans.\” If parents love their children, they willThink long term for them. Let children learn to do things from an early age and make contributions, so that they can take on the great responsibilities of the country when they grow up; if you just care about them blindly, love your children in every possible way but are reluctant to use them, they will be \”respected but not meritorious, generous but not hardworking\”, \”despite being coerced\” \”You have a lot of tools\” but you can\’t take any responsibility. Wouldn\’t this harm the children? Therefore, if you love your children, you must be willing to use them. A person can feel his or her own value only when he or she is needed and used by others. Only when a child is used and needed by adults can he feel how great his young life is, and then feel a deep love and develop a strong sense of responsibility. For a child, if you want him to be responsible for the motherland and the people in the future, then he must be trained to be responsible for his family, his parents, and himself from an early age. The emergence of this lofty sense of responsibility requires motivation. This motivation is the needs of parents. Some parents keep their sons as \”pets\” and do everything for them, never letting their sons do anything for themselves. From a young age, weak boys have been given girl names and dressed in girls\’ clothes; naughty boys have been beaten or scolded with little affirmation and encouragement. Many mothers often tell outsiders in front of their sons that their sons are \”timid\”, \”afraid of the dark\”, \”like a girl\”, \”can\’t do anything\”, \”stupid as hell\”, etc. Over time, timidity The incompetent and irresponsible boy was shaped by her. In fact, a mother\’s affirmation of her son can best stimulate a boy\’s potential. In order to surprise his mother, a son can create miracles. This kind of motivation can turn a weak boy into a brave man. So, how do parents use their children? I express feelings in many of my books: Enjoying my son, saying to my son, \”It\’s just different having a son.\” I\’m also the mother of a boy. I have often said this to my son since he was a child. When my son was 3 years old, I once hugged him and squeezed into a bus. Unexpectedly, my legs went weak. I failed to squeeze into the bus and almost fell to the side of the road. My son immediately asked me with concern: \”Mom, what\’s wrong with you?\” I said to my son seriously: \”Mom broke her knee when she went to the countryside to jump in line, and I couldn\’t get into the car while holding you.\” When my son heard this, he immediately jumped Go to the ground and beat my legs with your little hands. I stroked his head and said happily: \”It\’s different having a son!\” My son was very proud and would never let me hold him again, and would often beat my legs for me. In the midsummer when my son was in the second grade of elementary school, one day when I came back from work, my son excitedly brought a cup of tea: \”Mom, drink tea! I poured it for you.\” The tea was already cold. I had a bad stomach and didn\’t like to drink it. It was cold tea, but I still drank it in one gulp, and then said contentedly: \”Having a son is different! It would be better if the tea was hotter!\” The next day, I \”enjoyed\” a cup of hot tea poured by my son. When my son was in fourth grade, one day his father was going on a business trip. My son was happy, but I said to him in embarrassment: \”You are happy, but I am miserable. I have to rush home to cook for you after work.\” Who knows? , my son patted his chest and said mysteriously: \”Dad is not here, there is still me!\” Seeing him like that, I seemed to have \”reliance\”, and immediately \”suddenly realized\”: \”Yes! Yes! And you, you are also a person Manly!\” To my surpriseWhat\’s more, the next day, he came home early after school, fried two plates of vegetables, put them on the plate, and covered them with a bowl. As soon as I got home, my son immediately said: \”Mom, go and wash your hands quickly, and I will serve you some food!\” I was very \”obedient\”, washed my hands, and sat down at the dinner table. My son brought the rice and I ate it. My son watched from the side and asked in the tone of a TV commercial: \”How does it taste?\” \”It tastes great!\” I also used the \”advertising slogan\”. \”How does it compare with my dad\’s cooking?\” \”It\’s much better than your dad\’s cooking!\” I said exaggeratedly. In fact, his cooking skills were far behind his father\’s, and he was still a little unfamiliar! But after a few years, his son became a good cook. My son is in college. Every time he goes shopping with me, he carries all the big and small bags and doesn\’t let me take anything. He says, \”Just take your wallet!\” My mother walks in front, and my son carries it. It feels so good to have things following behind, as if to show people: \”Having a son is different!\” My son is working, and during the Spring Festival one year, my father went back to the Northeast. My son lives on the tenth floor, and I live on the thirteenth floor. On the day of the first grade of junior high school, he called me and said, \”Come down for dinner at twelve o\’clock.\” I went to the appointment on time. My son cooked a table of delicious food. I ate very happily. My son asked, \”Are you full?\” I said : \”I\’m full.\” My son asked: \”Is it delicious?\” I said: \”It\’s very delicious.\” My son said: \”Then you can go up and have a rest, and I\’ll clean it up.\” I said: \”That\’s great. \”I wiped my mouth and left. I thought to myself, how happy it would be for a woman to fall in love with two men! Once I was giving a lecture in Wenzhou. A female secretary of the local Youth League Committee came to listen with her 9-year-old son. I told the story mentioned above. The next day, the secretary said to me: \”My son has never helped me with anything until he was 9 years old. Yesterday, for the first time, my son helped me carry my schoolbag. Along the way, he kept walking towards me. I see. I asked him: \’Why do you always look at me?\’ The son said: \’You haven\’t said it yet, but having a son is different!\’\” You see, it\’s not that the son is unwilling or unable to do things for his parents; I have never been affirmed and encouraged by my parents, and I have never experienced the joy of helping my parents do things. As mentioned above, only when a person is needed by others can he generate motivation and real happiness. Shang Xiuyun is a famous judge in the \”Juvenile Court\” of the People\’s Court of Haidian District, Beijing. The juvenile delinquents affectionately call her \”Mother Shang.\” One day, I told her the above story, and she said regretfully: \”Although I have encouraged many juvenile delinquents, I have never praised my own son. My son is very good to me. He has grown up and gone to work in Shanghai. He bought most of the electrical appliances at home.\” One night, Shang Xiuyun called me and told me: One day, my son came home from Shanghai. I couldn\’t help but say, \”It\’s different having a son! As soon as I turned on the washing machine, I started to I think of you every time I open the refrigerator. It’s great to have a son!” Unexpectedly, after hearing these words, my son’s eyes lit up and he said to me, “Mom, please say what you just said again!” I said it again, and my son immediately Said: \”Mom, please wait! I will carry another electrical appliance back for you to see!\” On the phone, we laughed and laughed, and I found that tears were streaming down my face.. How much the son longs to be needed and affirmed by his mother. The greatness of a mother does not lie in whether she can let her son go to college or study abroad, but in letting her son have a sense of accomplishment, find self-confidence, find himself, and find the needs of his parents and society! When he finds the needs of his parents and society for him, When needed, he found a kind of responsibility and a kind of happiness. I once made this point on a TV show. Afterwards, a boy in middle school said to me: \”My mother listened to your words and shouted to me every day: \’It\’s different to have a son!\’ I was so miserable, I took care of all the work in our family!\” I Asked him: \”Do you like hearing this sentence?\” \”Of course I do. I feel happy after hearing it, and I feel happy even if I am tired!\” he said proudly. When he said this, he seemed to be immersed in the happiness of being needed by his mother. Parents who truly love their children should act weaker in front of their sons and give their children a chance to love others. Don\’t always regard yourself as a mountain and your children as grass, and let your children rely on you, look up to you, and be afraid of you; don\’t always regard yourself as a big umbrella and treat your children as chickens, shielding your children from wind and rain, and letting your children be weak. Mother and son, let’s change positions and images! Let your son be a mountain, and your son will grow into a mountain; let your son be an umbrella, and your son will be able to stand upright! When it comes to using daughters, I also have a saying: Appreciate your daughter and say to your daughter: \”It\’s great to have a daughter!\” When I was a child, whenever I did something for my parents, they would always say: \”It\’s great to have a daughter!\” \”This sentence makes me feel that my parents need me and appreciate me the most. In fact, in the eyes of parents, all six children are good. When I grew up, due to work requirements, I often went out for interviews and had no time to spend with my parents. I felt very guilty. Therefore, every time I go to other places, I buy a lot of delicious food for them. My mother always tells people when she meets people: \”It\’s great to have a daughter! You can eat delicious food from all over the country just sitting at home!\” So, my enthusiasm for purchasing became even higher. I always hope to bring happiness to my parents so that they can enjoy a happy old age. I can also get satisfaction from my parents’ praise of “it’s great to have a daughter.” \”It\’s great to have a daughter!\” This is a parent\’s appreciation for their daughter and the greatest encouragement to her daughter. It can make her daughter see the value of her own existence, be full of optimism and confidence, and learn to be kind and caring. For a girl to be cared for by her father since she was a child, it helps to cultivate her good character, cheerful and generous mind, and ability to communicate well. On the contrary, a girl who has lost her father\’s love since she was a child is likely to choose a father-like boyfriend when choosing a mate, or she will always harbor hatred for men. A daughter who is loved by her father is happy, and a father who is loved by his daughter is also happy. A young father said to me: \”One day, my wife was not at home and I was sick and lying on the bed alone. My 5-year-old daughter gently walked to the bedside, touched my head with her hand, and whispered She said, \”You have a fever, don\’t cry. I\’ll get you some medicine.\” She took two fruity vitamin C tablets for children, poured a glass of cold water, and said, \”Be good, take the medicine. This medicine is not good for you.\” Bitter, delicious.\’ I obediently took the \’medicine\’, but tears flowed down unknowingly. A sense of happiness surged in my heart: It\’s great to have a daughter! I said these wordsCome on, later on, my daughter took more care of me. \”When fathers and daughters say this, they should do so gently and gently, and do not say harshly, \”It\’s great to have a daughter!\” \”Let the child think you are stupid. The father often uses his daughter and relies on her, and the father becomes the concern of the daughter. She will always think about you and miss you. The daughter of world shooting champion Wang Yifu was a primary school student in Chongwen District, Beijing student, Wang Yifu was going to participate in an important international competition. Wang Yifu’s daughter didn’t even attend class well that day. She was distracted all the time, always thinking about what her father’s competition would be like. After school at noon, she ran to a store and watched many people While watching TV, she squeezed in and suddenly heard someone say: \”Only Wang Yifu won a bronze medal! She ran home crying, and her family asked, \”What\’s wrong?\” \”It\’s okay, it\’s fine.\” After saying that, he walked into his room without looking back and wrote a diary. It read: \”Even if I didn\’t win the gold medal, my father is also the best!\” Wang Yifu said to me: \”When I saw this sentence written by my daughter, my tears flowed down one after another. My daughter is the gold medal in my heart.\” Every time I compete, just thinking about my daughter makes me feel very powerful. I really feel that it is great to have a daughter! \”If the mother is the earth, then the father is the blue sky; if the earth can create life, then the blue sky should embrace the world. When heaven and earth are united, all things can grow and reproduce harmoniously and healthily. This is the law of the development of nature. The world Fathers should use a broad mind to accept and appreciate their daughters, and accompany their daughters to grow up on the road of life. \”It\’s great to have a daughter! \”This is an emotional compliment with Chinese characteristics. If it can be used frequently by parents, your daughter will undergo wonderful changes. Use it boldly with your children! If you get used to it, you will become a permanent member of your children\’s hearts. concern!