Only when parents withdraw at the right time can they create truly grown-up children.

Yu Minhong once told the story of his mother in a book. After he founded New Oriental, his mother opened a small restaurant next to New Oriental to take care of his diet. Not only that, her mother also asked all New Oriental employees to go to her place for dinner. If the employees didn’t go, she would curse on the street. His mother controlled his life in every detail, which made Yu Minhong embarrassed and embarrassed. In the end, he knelt down and begged his mother to leave. In life, many parents, like Yu Minhong\’s mother, are reluctant to separate from their children, pulling in control and causing trouble for both sides. Educationalist Mr. Tao Xingzhi said: Good parents watch over their children and allow them to grow actively; bad parents do things for their children and allow them to grow passively. No matter how close parents are to their children, they cannot live their lives for their children. Far-sighted parents know how to withdraw from their children\’s lives in a timely manner at critical nodes. Two days before quitting the dinner table at the age of three, a friend complained to me that his child always complained that he was hungry when he came back from kindergarten. When he was angry, he received a call from his teacher. The teacher said, \”Your child is always looking at his cell phone while eating, or he is running around and cannot be caught.\” Then my friend remembered that this scene had been played out countless times at home. Because she was afraid that the child would not be full, she would feed him while playing cartoons, or take the opportunity to give him a few mouthfuls while he was playing. There are still people at home who can pamper him, but there are many children in the kindergarten and the teacher cannot take care of him, so the child is hungry. Some parenting experts suggest that children can eat with their hands when they are 1 year old, start to practice using a spoon when they are 2 years old, and parents can quit the dining table when they are three years old. Only when parents withdraw from the dining table at the right time can children learn to be independent. Exiting the Bedroom at the Age of Five In Mo Yan\’s novel, there is a protagonist named Shangguan Jintong. He suffers from severe \”lactophilia\” and cannot stop breastfeeding throughout his life. Because of his confused self-awareness, he was still unable to live independently as an adult, eventually leading to mental disorder. Separating from the mother too late will make the child severely dependent on the parents. The child\’s emotional fragility will easily lead to mental illness. Some psychologists have proven that 5-6 years old is the best time to sleep in separate beds with your children. Because 5-year-old children are relatively mature mentally and have a sense of independence. At this time, you should withdraw from the child\’s bedroom and let him fall asleep alone. You can read picture books and tell stories to your children before going to bed, so that they can fall asleep wrapped in love. If the child resists, parents should implement it gently, firmly and step by step. Tell your children that mom and dad are not far from you and you can find us whenever you need them. Don\’t worry about your children not being able to adapt, they become independent faster than we think. Essentials for baby\’s intellectual development: children\’s whole brain development and thinking training, 4 volumes, full color and ultra-clear pdf, exiting the bathroom at the age of six. According to the laws of children\’s development, gender awareness begins to sprout in children around the age of three, and matures by the age of seven. After the age of 6, parents are not suitable to help their children bathe or share a bath. Exiting the bathroom and letting the child take a bath independently allows the child to correctly identify gender and clarify body boundaries. Gao Jin, vice president of the Shaanxi Marriage and Family Research Association, once said: “If a child grows up in a gender-ambiguous environment and cannot establish gender identity in time, it will be extremely detrimental to his personal growth and development.of. \”At the age of 6, parents should consciously avoid taking baths with their children and teach them to protect their private parts. Parents exiting the bathroom in time teaches their children what the bottom line is, privacy that even parents cannot touch. Let children have enough safety knowledge, Only in this way can we help them avoid the harm they may encounter on their way to growth. Two days before I left the privacy space at the age of eight, a friend told me that his eight-year-old child would close the door as soon as he came home from school, not knowing what he was doing inside. I smiled instead. Congratulate him and say that your child has really started to grow up. British psychologists believe that from infancy, children have their own privacy, which is a key factor in developing children’s independent personality. Especially when children are eight years old, they are more They are willing to stay in their own little world and do not want to be disturbed. They are immersed in their own little world, either thinking or playing. When they feel frustrated, they also need a space to suture the wounds and soothe their emotions. A separate small world , is the source of their inner sense of security and belonging. Therefore, after the child is eight years old, please do not enter his little world without permission. If you give the child space, the child will return your trust. A little distance, a little privacy Intimate relationships become stronger. In the early years of quitting the kitchen at the age of 12, a video titled \”No matter how big the world is, it is no bigger than a plate of scrambled eggs with tomatoes\” became popular on the Internet. A boy in his 20s studied abroad and participated in He needed to \”show off his skills\” at the party, but he couldn\’t even make a dish of scrambled eggs with tomatoes. He could only call his parents. Because of the time difference, his parents answered the phone in the middle of the night and recorded videos to teach him step by step. Many people praised his parents for their selfless Love, but I was thinking, why does a big boy who should be independent long ago not even have basic skills like cooking? There is a saying that goes well: \”A child who is five years old cannot tie his shoelaces, but you tie them for him.\” ; If your child doesn’t know how to cook at the age of twelve and you cook it for him, then he will have to live with you for the rest of his life. \”Only when children\’s ability to take care of themselves grows with age can children truly grow up. After the age of twelve, please quit the kitchen. Let your children learn to wash, chop, cook and wash dishes. It seems like tedious labor. It can exercise the child\’s hand-eye coordination ability, and also allow him to experience the hard work of his parents and learn to be grateful. I saw a news when I quit housework at the age of thirteen. A 22-year-old boy, because his parents divorced, the whole family was obsessed with him. Holding the moon, he was never willing to let him do any housework. Later, he went to study abroad and spent all 2 million in 2 years. In the end, he couldn\’t even get a diploma. After returning to China, he played games at home every day, even eating. They have to be fed by their grandmother. Adult boys still enjoy the care of their families as a matter of course, and have completely lost the ability to take care of themselves. Tim Seldin, chairman of the Montessori Foundation, once commented on the importance of housework: \”Teach children to Hands-on activities, whether washing, dressing, preparing snacks or pouring drinks, can help children move towards independence. When children develop a considerable degree of independence, they also develop good work habits, self-discipline, self-respect, and a sense of responsibility that will last a lifetime. \”In the process of doing housework, your fingers will make some complex and delicate movements, which will increase blood flow to the brain., making children\’s thinking more agile. At the same time, doing housework will help children learn responsibility and sharing, and become responsible. Taking meticulous care is harm rather than love. Parents with foresight are willing to \”use\” their children. Mushin, the best-selling American author who quit choosing at the age of eighteen, once said: \”Parents must first continue to learn and grow with their children, so as to learn to hand over the choice to their children and let them make their own decisions.\” This is how she treats her three children made. When she was a child, she would not interfere with what her children wore or what toys they bought; when they grew up, she only provided advice on their children\’s study plans and life choices. Because of their mother\’s respect, all three children developed the habit of independent thinking. Later, they were admitted to prestigious schools and achieved great success. The well-known cartoonist Cai Zhizhong also said when talking about his own experience: \”I am very grateful to my parents. They always told me that as a child of the Cai family, you are your own master. You decide what you want to do. Parents I will always support you, no matter why.\” Precisely because he had a complete self during childhood and throughout adolescence, he was able to choose what he liked and do it to the extreme. Eventually, he became a well-known cartoonist and won the \”Golden Comic Award\” Lifetime Achievement Award. Good parents should be a container, provide support and acceptance to their children, and respect their own thoughts. Lawyer Yi Yi once said on the show \”Transparent Man\” that parents interfere too much in the marriages of those born in the 1980s. When children get married, buy a house, or have children, the elderly on both sides must take care of everything in detail and interfere without boundaries. Many couples who were originally living happily had frequent conflicts due to the interference of their parents, and were eventually forced to divorce. There was a mother on the Internet who wrote a letter to her newly married son, saying, \”After getting married, you and I are no longer a family.\” In the letter, she mentioned such a story. When my son was 12 years old, the whole family traveled to Inner Mongolia together. The child excitedly wanted to touch the lamb\’s head, but was knocked over by the mother of the lamb who was protecting the calf. The mother said, \”We used to be as close as a lamb and its mother. But what you don\’t know is that when the lamb grows up, the mother will leave the lamb so that it can learn to forage independently. During the migration of nomadic people, Survive.\” Parents love their children and have far-reaching plans. You have your own life, and your child also has his own life. Not binding, not controlling, this is the greatest vision of being a parent. I have seen such a picture. A mother in Shangqiu, Henan, sent her daughter to the university. She did not leave immediately. Instead, she sat on the grass of the school and cried silently while watching the direction in which her daughter disappeared. She stayed there for three or four hours, and did not get up to leave until dark. The figure of this mother is not the epitome of you and me. No matter how reluctant you are to let go, your children will always grow up. One day, they will grow up and travel far away from you. The greatest love that parents have for their children is to exit gracefully at every point when they need to be independent. As a writer said, parents and children are watching each other off. You watch him disappear at the end of the path from a distance, and tell yourself that there is no need to chase him. A good parent-child relationship is a watch and a fulfillment. Give it a thumbs up and share it with your parentsmutual encouragement.