Optimistic children can be cultivated

On January 7, 2018, a high school student from the High School Affiliated to Nanchang Normal University fell from the 24th floor of the top floor of a residential complex, ending his life at the age of 15. Teach children with an optimistic attitude: Let children benefit from a lifelong happiness classic collector\’s edition. Before the incident, the deceased had posted a suspected \”suicide note\” message on QQ Talk, as follows: This is a scheduled talk. When you see this When I talk about it, you will probably never see me again. This is probably one of the few things I say without being funny. I have brought a lot of laughter to the world, but I cannot bring joy to myself. Goodbye, this world, I hope no one will cry for me after I pass away. I hope you can continue to walk happily as if nothing happened. And on the seventh day of the child\’s first anniversary, the child\’s father also jumped to his death. What a disaster this is for a family. And now, every year, children end their lives in various ways. If you enter the keyword student suicide on the Internet, there will be millions of information results. Why are so many children becoming increasingly unhappy and choosing to end their lives? Depression is like an invisible killer. It is difficult to detect, but it does great harm to children. According to the World Health Organization, depression is a common disease worldwide, with more than 300 million sufferers. Depression is different from the usual mood swings and brief emotional reactions to challenges in daily life. In particular, long-term moderate or severe depression can become a serious condition. Sufferers may be greatly affected, performing poorly at work and at school and at home. At its most severe, depression can lead to suicide. Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the 15-29 age group. But as parents, how should we educate our children? Education expert Sun Yunxiao said: \”Only optimistic children\’s lives will be full of hope, and whether children are optimistic is the fundamental sign of educational success or failure.\” Therefore, we should teach children from an early age to face their own failures with an optimistic attitude, and to face pressure and challenges. To frustration. Children\’s pessimism is not innate, but learned. It is learned from parents, teachers and mass media and internalized into their own behavior. Since pessimism is learned, the same optimistic attitude can also be learned. As parents, we should consciously cultivate an optimistic attitude in our children. Positive psychologist Seligman said: \”Teaching a child an optimistic attitude is to teach him to learn to know himself and to be curious about himself and the theory he has formed about the world. You have to teach him to take a positive approach to his world and to the way he shapes his life. Have an optimistic attitude, rather than passively waiting and accepting what happens to him.\” Changing the attribution style is the way of explanation. The process of explaining an event or behavior and finding its cause is called attribution. Optimistic children can always see the positive side of things and interpret life with a positive and optimistic attitude. They will explain their setbacks from local, temporary, and external reasons. Pessimistic children will always see the negative side of things and interpret life with a negative and pessimistic attitude. They will look at it from an overall and stable perspective.Use qualitative, internal reasons to explain the stress and setbacks you face. For example, when a child fails to pass the final math test this time, an optimistic child will think: I did not do well in the final math test this time because I did not review well; but a pessimistic child will think, I really If I can’t learn math, I’m not good at math. Different attribution methods will lead to different behaviors in their future. Optimistic children think that they have not reviewed well, so they will continue to study hard and believe that they can learn mathematics well; while pessimistic children think that their mathematics ability is not good, and then they will have a sense of helplessness in mathematics and feel that they can\’t learn mathematics. They will not study well and may even give up studying mathematics. Parents are children\’s best teachers, and children are also the best reflection of their parents. If parents use integrity, stability, and internal reasons to interpret information in their lives, their children will also learn this negative attribution style. If your child does not do well in math, you say to your child: \”Your parents were not good at math back then, and it seems that you are the same, and genetics cannot be changed.\” Or, \”Why are you so stupid? This math is so simple, but you are so stupid.\” They all failed.\” This negative attribution method will make the child think that the reason is his own ability, which cannot be changed, and may even spread to his inability in other aspects, giving him a sense of despair. Therefore, parents should be more cautious about attributional styles when interpreting information. And if parents say to their children: \”Child, don\’t you see that you have studied very well before? You just failed to do well in the exam this time. It is temporary. Keep working hard and you will definitely do well in the exam next time.\” It\’s normal that you were sick and in a bad mental state before, so you didn\’t do well in the exam. We should also pay attention to exercise more in the future, and you will be better next time.\” Parents use an optimistic attribution method to help their children find out whether they have problems in mathematics. The reasons for doing well in the exam are temporary and external and can be changed. The child will also think that the current bad situation can be changed through his own efforts, and he should continue to study hard. Gradually, the child learns to use optimistic attributions to explain future setbacks or problems he encounters. Optimistic ABCDE Law Psychologist Ellis proposed the Cognitive ABCDE Law, which points out that the emotional and behavioral results we have about an event are not actually caused by the event itself, but by our interpretation of the beliefs about the event. A is the so-called stimulating event, such as being criticized by the teacher. B is the explanation for event A. For example, some students think that being criticized by the teacher is because they did something wrong this time, while others think that the teacher just hates them. C refers to the emotion or behavior caused by event A. For example, after being criticized, a student will feel depressed and will have a sense of resistance to the teacher in the future and may even be unable to study well. However, some children will not be greatly affected by emotions and will correct their mistakes and continue to work hard. Because our negative emotions and behaviors are determined by B, and B is an unreasonable belief and idea, then we should learn to refute B. D means to oppose B, to oppose your own thoughts about the event, that is, learn to refute. E refers to the mental and behavioral consequences of stimulation and refutation. For example, after a student is criticized by a teacher, he begins to think that the teacher is annoying.Myself, this idea is unreasonable. We need to teach our children to refute this idea. The most important thing for a rebuttal is to be \”correct\”, it must be based on facts, and it must be a convincing rebuttal, not vague. The child finds out the reason why the teacher criticized him. It may be because he did not listen carefully in class, so the teacher just criticized him. When he finds a reasonable reason to refute the unreasonable belief at the beginning, he will have new emotional feelings, and he will not think that he is not worthy of being liked or that the teacher simply hates him because of a criticism. When our interpretation of an event changes, our emotional and behavioral responses change accordingly. For children, we must first teach them the ABCDE rules so that they can understand how their pessimism and negative behaviors occur. When something bad happens, they should learn to write down their thoughts and the consequences of those thoughts. Then look for evidence that supports these ideas and evidence that refutes these ideas, then find their more optimistic views, and finally feel the feelings and behaviors after the optimistic ideas are generated. There are also three question types we can use to help them get through this. What’s the worst that could happen next? So what\’s the best case scenario? And what\’s the most likely scenario? But usually neither the best nor the worst will happen. The next step is to develop a counterattack plan for what is most likely to happen and take action to solve the problem. Through the training of the ABCDE Law, the child has begun to learn to change his emotional feelings or behaviors by understanding his own thoughts. Learning to get along with others and excellent interpersonal communication skills can help children make new friends and quickly adapt and integrate into the new environment. They will also know how to get along with others and know how to solve conflicts if they encounter them. . However, for some children who have poor social skills and do not know how to get along with others, they may be excluded or bullied at school. In particular, bullying incidents occur frequently in schools. We parents pay special attention to cultivating children\’s ability to get along with others. American psychologist Carnegie believes: \”30% of a person\’s success depends on talent and 70% on interpersonal relationships. For success and survival, the most important thing is to learn to get along with others. And cultivating children\’s interpersonal skills should start from an early age. \”So how to train children to get along with others? \”Teaching Optimistic Children\” believes that parents must remember three principles when teaching their children social skills to get along with others: 1. You cannot help your children solve any problems. If you just blindly try to help your children solve their problems, unfortunately, it will not only be unhelpful but even harmful to the children. Children who have everything solved will think that they are not capable of taking on the responsibility alone and will easily become dependent. Therefore, when problems arise, they will not know how to deal with them. As parents, we should maintain a supportive and concerned attitude towards our children\’s affairs, let them learn to think independently, analyze situations, and provide guidance instead of answers when appropriate. For example, when a child has a conflict with a classmate at school, we do not need to help the child vent his anger, but we need to think about how to let the child solve the problem well on his own. 2. OnceWhen your child starts to solve problems on his own, you can\’t be too harsh on his solution. For example, when you take your child out to play, sometimes other children always come to compete for the toys he plays with, but the child gives them to him every time. At that time, I thought that I should educate him not to suffer losses all the time. Later I asked my child, don’t you think you are suffering? Every time the toys were taken away by him. Unexpectedly, he replied to me: Isn’t it just a toy? At the beginning, the child\’s skills or methods of handling problems are not very good, but we cannot blame him harshly for this, otherwise it may hinder his confidence in handling problems. 3. As a parent, you should model flexible solution strategies, that is, be a good role model. We may think that parents quarreling has a bad impact on their children, and we should not quarrel in front of their children. However, in family life, quarrels between parents are inevitable, and it is not always possible to avoid children rationally. In fact, the correct way for parents to quarrel is also a kind of example. Parents can use quarrels to demonstrate to children how to handle interpersonal conflicts with others. But if this is the case every time we quarrel: look at you, you always don’t listen to me, look at you, it’s the same every time, or you simply don’t love me and the children, or you even talk about divorce and make the children suffer from it. Choose one, or even have a fight between the two. Then children will also learn this pessimistic way to deal with interpersonal conflicts. And if two people quarrel only talk about what they were angry about at the time, and express their uncomfortable thoughts, and both of them quickly recover and make up, then this is a good example for the child. Jimmy said in \”I\’m Not a Perfect Child\”: \”The sadder the world is, the happier I want to be. When people are more sinister, the kinder I want to be. When setbacks come, I have to stand up and face them. I want to be an optimistic and optimistic person. Those who are unyielding and unyielding, those who are brave enough to accept all the challenges in life.\” Darwin also said: \”Optimism is the beacon of hope, which guides you from the dangerous canyon to a smooth road, giving you a new life and new hope. Hope supports your ideal and will never die.\” In order for every child to have a happy life, start cultivating optimistic and positive babies from now on.