Our children are unwilling to go to school and we are anxious. In fact, we are digging a hole for ourselves.

Many parents feel helpless, anxious and at a loss after their children drop out of school. what to do? what to do? It doesn\’t seem to work if I do something, and it doesn\’t seem to work if I don\’t do anything. Should I just let the child lie down like this at home? Isn’t the child useless? Will it be said that I haven’t even graduated from junior high school in the future? I think everyone will go through this stage when their children stay home from school. Doubt, anxiety, helplessness. However, some parents take their children out through self-awareness, some at least actively seek ways for others to help their children go out, and some children even go out on their own. In short, as long as you deal with things that seem unsolvable, the ending will not be as bad as you imagined. However, it is definitely not possible to limit yourself to anxiety and do nothing. Even backwards. I always ask the parents after the initial interview: \”Have you noticed any progress recently? About the child, about your parent-child relationship?\” Mothers who are aware will usually see little things in the interaction between their children and themselves. Come share with me your progress. However, parents who don\’t know how to be aware will most likely say: \”No, there is no progress at all. Our parent-child relationship is still terrible.\” There is a difference. When facing difficulties, a person\’s attitude sometimes plays a decisive role. When mountaineers encounter an avalanche, some people are buried deep in the snow for several hours and almost lose consciousness. However, at this time, the will to survive can often save his life. Those who survive are always those who have hope in life. Blindly worrying or blaming the child must mean that you have not yet empathized with the child, and the parents are still trapped in their own pain and unable to extricate themselves. The problem to be solved at this time must not be the children, but our own issues. Last weekend, I took my daughter to play badminton, and we had a little trouble. Not all psychological counselors can handle all my emotional problems, and there are times when I can’t handle them. I didn\’t sleep very well in the past few days. When I woke up on Saturday morning, I was confused, a little angry, and overall my energy was relatively low. Whenever my energy is low, my tolerance level goes down. Things that originally did not require \”forbearance\” now require willpower to restrain. My daughter is now in the second grade of junior high school and is concerned about her body shape. She thinks she is not slim enough. In addition, she is now under a lot of academic pressure and the classroom is noisy. At the end of the day, she feels that her brain is easily stuck, her computing power is greatly reduced, and her air pressure is also easily low. She always felt weak and her stomach was not very good. For these reasons, I suggested that she play badminton with me. Because, in the past month, my body has improved a lot through exercising for one hour every day. She and my dad also notice an increase in my energy. Originally this was a good thing. Early in the morning, my daughter calculated her workload and offered to go play ball with me. I\’m also very happy. But it’s just because my energy is low! Look at her strength in playing ball. One shoulder is wearing a shirt outside the T-shirt, and the other shoulder is bare (like a lama); one hand is holding glasses, and the other hand is playing ball (actually, I can understand the teenagers pretending to be decadent. state); play for 10 minutes and rest for 10 minutes. During the break, I called her twice to ask her to drink water.I didn’t drink it, and later I said I didn’t hear it at all… This series of performances somehow aroused my anxiety. I instantly thought of the past, and there were many times when she was so ignorant. I have had a lot of exposure to her literature and history since she was a child, but she occasionally showed a lack of knowledge of literature and history, which surprised me. So, I often think about this question: What is going on in this guy’s head? How come I haven’t memorized anything that should be memorized… I can’t absorb serious things, and my brain doesn’t have the space to draw inferences… In the long run, it will inevitably affect other abilities. In addition, studying is also a repetitive process. One day I made a vow, but tomorrow I forget it, and I am always on the way to encourage her… (Isn’t it like many families, where the child said he was going to school today, but didn’t want to go tomorrow? Then the parents feel that all the work they have done before is in vain?) Although it is a short and messy thought, they have already imagined their daughter\’s life, which is purely catastrophic. So, I patiently encouraged her progress in batting, but negative energy was already accumulating in my heart. When she got home after the treatment and she told her father that she felt tired and a little weak, I suddenly lost my guard. I said, \”The way you look today makes me feel anxious and weak. You also said that you would play ball with me every day during the summer vacation. With your current appearance, I think you are going back on your word again. I\’m really afraid that you will do the same in your studies.\” So, if you say you work hard today, you will fail to do it tomorrow.\” Although the tone does not seem very serious, in our family atmosphere, it is already a very serious criticism. My daughter has admired her mother since she was a child and is also afraid of me. She cares very much about my evaluation. After these few words, her mood immediately rose, her brows furrowed and tears glistening. I said, \”But, I don\’t feel weak today. I\’m usually like this!\” At this time, I suddenly realized that I was a little out of control. Immediately tell her daughter: \”Yes, yes, indeed, this is just my anxiety and has nothing to do with you. Mom always wants you to look energetic. I should allow you to have your own rhythm and state, and you should also allow your mother to have emotions occasionally. , okay?\” Later, I explained my worries to her in more detail. It was indeed because I was in a bad state today and was easily impatient. And told her that I was actually very happy to see her take the initiative to play ball with me today. After that, the daughter\’s mood calmed down and she slowly became talking and laughing again. But what? After such a small episode, when I played basketball again the next day (she went to school to rehearse), I suddenly realized that I lost control of my emotions this time and destroyed too many things that I had built in the past. If her daughter is invited to play badminton again, won\’t she feel pressure? Wouldn’t you work hard to meet your mother’s expectations? So, is the spontaneous motivation that originally supported her continued exercise during the summer still there? In other words, how long will it take to make up for it? Do you feel like you were forced to do it by your mother? When I was full of energy, none of this would have happened, and it wouldn\’t be a problem at all. The child has her own rhythm,Your own comfort state. Moreover, all past efforts are not in vain. Even if the child promises today but fails to do it tomorrow, it is based on a certain awareness in her heart and her strength is accumulating. It is no longer the blank brain it used to be. That\’s how we are. We obviously have our own problems, but we don\’t deal with them and use our children as a shield. In the end, he destroyed what he had worked so hard to build, and destroyed the little bit of self-drive that his children had finally built up. Going back to the parents’ question, how do we destroy our children’s inner drive step by step? Not giving children the opportunity to take responsibility: Parents may over-manage their children out of a mentality of protecting their children, causing their children to lose the opportunity to take responsibility. For example, not allowing children to participate in housework may result in children lacking a sense of ownership and accomplishment in the family, thereby reducing self-confidence. Prevent children from making mistakes: When a child makes a mistake, parents may immediately intervene and try to solve the problem for the child. However, this kind of overprotection can deprive children of opportunities to learn and grow from their mistakes, leaving children feeling helpless and frustrated when faced with challenges. Pray for perfection for your children: Parents have high expectations for their children, but too high expectations can put children under great pressure and even make them feel like they can never achieve their goals. This kind of pressure can make children doubt their abilities and weaken their self-confidence. Too much criticism: Frequently criticizing and blaming children instead of giving positive feedback and encouragement can make children feel unwelcome and unrecognized. Over time, children may develop lack of confidence, self-doubt, and lack the courage to try new things. The methods are all after the problem is discovered. In response to the above problems, we can self-examine and prescribe the right medicine. When a child is born, he or she is a blank sheet of paper. There may be some vague genetic shadow on it, but the actual color depends on the words and deeds of our parents. Write \”lazy\”, and then find a lot of \”evidence\” to verify and deepen it over and over again, so that the child can confirm his laziness; write \”no willpower\”, and then find a lot of \”facts\” to prove it over and over again, so that the child can confirm his laziness. Lack of willpower; \”no sense of responsibility\”, \”stupid\”, \”ungrateful\”, \”not good at learning\”, \”naturally bad at math\”, \”no language talent, like me\”… put a label on it and then find evidence to prove it , tell your children repeatedly in order to prove that you are right. The result is ruined for the child. Besides, the child ruined his life. Dig a hole for yourself and fill it yourself.