Parent-child relationship communication skills

Recently, I read a short story that felt sad and true. A 6-year-old boy was sick, and his father took him to the hospital. He kept asking loudly in the corridor what was wrong with him, and poked the child\’s head every time he asked. Dad said angrily: \”You don\’t even know what\’s wrong with you. You\’ve grown so big!\” \”You can\’t be faking it, you damn kid is pretending to be sick when he\’s about to take the exam!\” \”Speak, you\’re mute!\” Right?\” The little boy\’s eyes were watery, but he never said a word. He just squatted in the corner timidly holding his stomach, his face was pale, and he was trembling. Later, doctors diagnosed him with acute gastroenteritis. The father scolded again: \”It\’s cold but I don\’t want to wear clothes. I don\’t want to drink more water. I don\’t wash my hands. It\’s weird if I don\’t get sick.\” The child finally couldn\’t help but yelled at his father: \”I didn\’t!\” 6980 Yuan Zhang Guowei\’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills Recording + Handouts + Quick Notes When it was the little boy\’s turn to take blood tests, he was obviously a little scared and resisted. He hid his hands behind his back to prevent the doctor from touching him. The father also saw the little boy\’s fear, but he just He said coldly: \”Now I know I\’m afraid, don\’t get sick if you can!\” At this time, a little boy sitting next to him who also suffered from gastroenteritis couldn\’t help but said: \”Uncle, I also have gastroenteritis, he is just sick, isn\’t he? He made a mistake, don\’t talk about him anymore.\” Although he was full of love, he acted ferociously. There are many such parents in reality. They don\’t know that those casual words may not leave scars on their children, but they can break their children\’s hearts into pieces and become memories that they can never erase. Speaking well is the best education parents can give their children. Professor Susan Forward said in the book \”Toxic Parents\”: \”Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas. \”So, your wanton criticism may destroy a child, but every time you listen carefully and speak well, you can also make an excellent child.\” During the Winter Olympics, the talented girl Gu Ailing was frequently on the screen. She started skiing at the age of 3 and won more than 40 gold medals at the age of 14. She went to Stanford and is good at music, horse riding, archery, running, swimming, and surfing. There are almost no hobbies that she can think of that she doesn\’t know how to do. Live properly as \”other people\’s children\”. After watching the conversation between her and her mother Gu Yan, I realized that if parents talk like this, it will be hard for their children not to be outstanding. When she was 8 years old, she joined a ski team. At that time, she was the only girl on the team, so she was particularly concerned about her gender and performance. After returning home, she said to her mother angrily: \”Mom, I want to go to the Olympics in the future.\” Gu Yan replied gently: \”It\’s good, come on, you can do it!\” At the age of 13, she participated in the professional competition for the first time. In the open competition, she fell heavily. What she was more unhappy about than wrestling was that she failed. At this time, her mother gently held her shoulders and said: \”You are 13 years old compared with so many adults. I am proud of you.\” So everything has a cause and effect. Using language to achieve success for children is the highest level of education for parents. Parents who speak well can always guide their children to become emotionally stable, positive, optimistic, confident and successful people. Speak well and start by saying these 5 sentences. People will inevitably have emotions.When you are on top, let alone being a parent. Due to the pressure from work, family and all aspects, coupled with the lack of expression, parents sometimes speak uncontrollably, but since they have realized that it will cause harm to their children, they must keep their mouths shut. If you say these 5 words less in your life, the parent-child relationship will become more harmonious. 1. It’s okay to look at others and then look at you to set an example, but such a favoritism will only make your children hate you more. Don’t forget that your purpose is to stimulate your children’s ambition, not their shame. Every child is unique. Only by teaching children in accordance with their aptitude and teaching them to compare with themselves can they make real progress. 2. I told you a long time ago, but you just didn’t listen. Now you’ve fallen into the trap. The original intention was just to let the children remember the losses they suffered, but in fact it deepened the conflict and stimulated the children’s rebellious psychology. Even if what you said was true Yes, children won’t listen either, especially adolescent children. In fact, if parents speak well, their children will be obedient. 3. I’m not doing it for your own good. What many parents often say is: I’m doing it for your own good. I’ve paid so much for you, how could you do this to me? In fact, this kind of moral kidnapping-style self-impression will not have any effect. In the name of loving your children, doing things that harm your children will only make your children farther and farther away from you. 4. If you only know how to play all day long, what else can you do? Are children really that bad? Just one sentence negates all the efforts of the child. How can a child who cannot hold his head up in front of his parents study and live well? ? 5. You can do whatever you like, I don’t care about you. This sentence may seem like a concession, but it is actually a kind of implicit coercion. The subtext released is: I\’ve already been like this and you still don\’t listen, then let you go and take care of yourself and fend for yourself. Children are naturally attached to their parents. If you say this too much, it is easy for the child to feel like an abandoned child. How should parents talk to their children well? As parents, there will always be countless moments when the children drive them crazy, and they spend all their time accompanying them every day. In the end, the result is a worse parent-child relationship. A father said that after having a child, he felt like a psycho and often talked loudly and yelled. How can parents talk to their children in order to achieve more effective communication? 1. Try an open conversation This is the first and most difficult step for parents and children to talk well. Because when it comes to children, we always preemptively order or criticize their actions, and at this time most children have a rebellious mentality. For example, if they want to ask their children to eat, many parents will say: \”Baby, come and eat quickly.\” Nine times out of ten, the children will refuse, because no one likes the tone of orders, and neither do children. To change the conversation, we can say: \”Son, let\’s see who can eat the dish with the prettiest color.\” This will naturally reduce conflicts if the child does not have the opportunity to say \”no\”. 2. Reject Emotional Dialogue Emotional problems cannot be solved through emotional dialogue. For example, when their children roll around and yell, many parents will say: \”If you keep doing this, I won\’t want you anymore!\” Such words will only make the children more insecure. First, parents should express their attitude, although the child did something wrong, the parents still love you. Secondly, we need to help the children resolve their emotions, \”Mom, I know you did something wrong and you feel sad. It\’s okay. Mom was like this before. If you want to cry, just cry for a while.\” Such words can help children open their hearts and bring them closer to their parents. distance. The last step is to guide the child to reflect, \”What do you think will make things better next time?\” Doing so can give the child a choice and at the same time cultivate the child\’s ability to deal with things. 3. Use multiple heuristic dialogues. In fact, dialogue is two-way. It requires parents and children to come and go to form a closed loop and strengthen the communication between parents and children. Many times, just praising and praising is not enough, and children cannot continue the conversation. But if parents use heuristic dialogue, they can ensure the continuity of dialogue and help children expand their cognition and improve their thinking skills. For example, if a child thinks the puppy is cute, parents can ask questions such as \”What is the puppy doing? Why is the puppy running after the ball?\” This can inspire children to think and observe. A child psychologist said: \”Good parents have a zipper on their lips and never speak to their children as they please.\” Violent language will only make children more violent; speaking well will also make children obedient and become more violent. Be optimistic and positive, and be born toward the sun. It\’s really not easy to keep your mouth shut, but it\’s worth it for your children and yourself. We always say that we will give everything for our children, but don’t forget that what children want most is the gentle words of their parents.