Parents are the best tutors for their children, that is, the love between husband and wife

I once saw a question on Zhihu: What does it feel like to be a child whose parents have bad relationships? The person who asked the question also talked about his own experience and feelings: Every time when the New Year comes, I always dare not go back. Memories are filled with parents blaming each other and quarreling. They disliked each other, but did not separate for various reasons. When I was a kid, every time they quarreled, threw things, and had a cold war, I would cry helplessly in the corner. After growing up, every time I went home during the Chinese New Year, it was the same cycle: quarrels, cold wars… I used to think that quarrels must be followed by cold wars… Now, nearly thirty years old, I still feel insecure and often feel that other people\’s words bring me anger. Be aggressive. And every time at this time, the whole body would even tense up for no reason, and then retort. It’s also difficult to fall in love with someone else because the first thing you often see are their flaws. I have made some achievements in my career, met more outstanding people, and come from a perfect family. But I feel more and more deficient in myself. Sometimes I even think to the extreme: It would be fine if I didn’t have parents like that. @Anonymous user: He is mature and indifferent beyond his peers, he is afraid of love, he wants to love but dare not love, and he doesn’t know how to express love. All intimate relationships are a kind of self-torture in which the more you long for, the more alienated you become. It is more pessimistic than you think, and stronger than you think. Staying single, yes, that’s who I am. @华世灵长安: I have never been grateful to my mother for giving me life. I just wish I had never been born. Many netizens responded to a sentence they saw on Weibo: Don’t become a woman like my mother, and don’t look for a man like my father. There are hundreds of answers, and you will find that children whose parents have bad relationships are insecure, feel low self-esteem, and have problems with interpersonal relationships. Most of them are also sensitive and fragile. They are not very confident in life or work. They care too much about other people\’s eyes. They worry about gains and losses in love, and it is more difficult to recover after being injured. Many psychological research results show that a good marital status and a happy and stable family atmosphere are crucial to the growth of children. The best love that parents can give their children is, first of all, love for each other. This is just as the writer Qiang Qiangjiang said: \”Qualified parents must first be a happy and loving couple.\” After we become parents and have children, we should love each other well and create a warm and loving environment for our children. , children can grow up healthily under the nurturing of love. In the recent popular variety show \”Youth Talk\”, there is a cute Liu Xuxi. She cried to her mother: Can you stop acting like a spoiled child to your father in the future? Because I think this is very childish, what about peeling fruit? You can do all the things like picking up clothes, washing dishes and cooking by yourself, so why does it have to be done by your father? The parents laughed together, and then the child continued: \”And why doesn\’t it work for me to be coquettish on you?\” The host finally concluded Asked Xiao Xuxi: \”Then how does your mother act like a spoiled child with your father?\” Xiao Xuxi replied that her mother always said this: \”Zhutou, go cupping for me, Zhutou, hurry up and peel the fruit for me, Zhutou, hurry up and give me cupping.\” I cook, but you’re actually very cute even if you don’t act coquettishly!” The father in the audience explained to his child: “Baby, this is life.” However, many netizens said after reading it: My child, youIn the future, you will know that your mother and father are so happy, which means how much they love you, because giving you a harmonious home is the greatest expression of their love for you. Although I have loving parents who love to show off their affection, I felt pitiful as a child and even said that I was \”abused\” when I was growing up. However, psychological counselor Wu Zhihong said in \”Why Family Hurts People\”: \”Love is constantly passed on in such a cycle, from our original family to our new family.\” In this kind of warmth and harmony, there is A loving family environment is extremely enviable. Children who grow up in this environment are mostly independent, confident, optimistic and cheerful, dare to express their thoughts, and have the ability to achieve happiness. In order to make children\’s lives happier, it is better to start by being loving parents. Writer Shiyi once told a psychological experiment: The psychologist found many mothers and gave each of them three empty cups. These three cups represented themselves, their husbands, and their children respectively. The psychologist then gave them a full glass of water and asked them to divide it among three glasses. However, the results of the experiment were almost surprisingly consistent: the water in the cups of myself and my husband was very little, while the water in the children\’s cups accounted for two-thirds. Then the psychologist replaced the mother with the father, and the results of the water sharing were still surprisingly consistent: two-thirds of the water was poured to the child, while the water in the cups for himself and his wife was pitiful. Psychologists have concluded that in most Chinese families, the parent-child relationship takes precedence over the relationship between husband and wife. In other words, after getting married and having children, both husband and wife are child-centered, even giving up their originally loving partner for the sake of the child. However, this relationship is not beneficial to the healthy growth of children. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: \”The relationship between husband and wife is the anchor of the family.\” If in a family, the husband and wife regard the child as the center and everything revolves around the child, the communication between husband and wife will decrease day by day, and even if there is communication, it will be about the child. . Intimacy gradually decreases, the relationship between husband and wife deteriorates, and they may eventually become \”roommates\” who share the same bed but have different dreams. The relationship between the two will also become weaker and weaker, the happiness of the family will gradually decrease, and the family relationship will also be unstable. For children, although they seem to be given too much attention, what they often get is more pressure. This can easily make the child unable to breathe due to love and thus unable to adapt. In a tense family atmosphere and an unstable relationship between parents, it is difficult for them to live a healthy and happy life. Hellinger, the founder of the famous family arrangement system, proposed that a happy family relationship is like this: the husband and wife stand closely side by side, and the children stand in the front and middle of the parents, forming a stable isosceles triangle relationship. Husband and wife are life partners and share the same fate. Among all family relationships, the relationship between husband and wife comes first. Parents who love each other better are the best tutors for their children. Therefore, after having children, parents should love each other even more and make the relationship between husband and wife more loving. Chinese children\’s educator Sun Jingxiu once said: A child\’s eyes are like video recorders, and a child\’s ears are like tape recorders. The personal example of parents is the most useful sunshine that cannot be replaced by anything for the minds of minors. And to the childrenThe best example is for parents to love each other better. The famous film and television star Liu Ye has done a good job at this point. Liu Ye and his wife are the best educational models. In the third season of \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, we saw Liu Ye\’s comedy and joy, and Nuo Yi and Nina, who were polite, sensible, well-behaved, and the harmonious and warm family atmosphere was touching. Unlike traditional Chinese families, Anna and Liu Ye made no secret of showing affection in front of their children. Anna even said: \”If Liu Ye dotes on No Yi too much, I will be jealous.\” Perhaps it is for this reason that the two children are enthusiastic and sincere, and express their feelings directly. Care, love, and love from parents are the best education for children. In countless public and private occasions, Liu Ye has stated that his wife Anna is the most beautiful woman in his heart. She is kind, beautiful, generous, intelligent, virtuous and virtuous, and she is the one he can\’t live without. In Anna\’s eyes, Liu Ye is also a cute, humorous, sensitive \”child\” who needs care. In short, the two of them like each other in everything. After being married for many years and having two children, Liu Ye and his wife still appreciate and respect each other as lovingly and sweetly as they did when they first fell in love with each other. At the Grandpa Over Flowers station in Nice, France, Liu Ye and his wife had not seen each other for several months, and they had no reservations about getting along with her. When Nuo Yi and Nina faced this situation, they would not cover their faces shyly like some children. In their opinion, parents should be so loving. The two children grew up in such a loving and sweet family atmosphere. While feeling a strong sense of belonging, they were naturally fed by the love and sweet happiness of their parents. This should also be the reason why Nuoyi and Nina are so enthusiastic and warm. Scientific research shows that when children grow up, their intimate relationships will largely copy the patterns of their parents. A child\’s strong self-confidence, independent will, optimism, cheerfulness, enthusiasm and warmth are not so much heredity as they are the subtle result of family education. This is also inseparable from the loving parents who set a good example for them. After having children, you should not forget the feeling of love between husband and wife, but should love each other well, so that children can learn how to interact with others, how to love others and how to be loved from the daily behaviors of parents\’ love. When we become parents, we always think about how to do more for our children, how to prevent them from losing at the starting line, and how to help them grow better. The whole family focuses their attention on their children, thinking that this is the best way to educate them, but they don’t know that the best thing is that after becoming parents, they should learn how to love each other well. The famous American philosopher and educator John Dewey said: \”The highest purpose of all education is to form character. In the growth of everyone\’s life, there is no more important teacher than parents. The best tutor is the love of husband and wife.\” Parents are more We must love each other well, respect each other, appreciate each other, and build a loving home together. Parents\’ love is the best gift to their children and the best education for them.