Parents’ awakening: Let love be just right!

We are now living in an era where parents need to devote a lot of energy to raising children to solve various problems that arise in their children. But even so, many parents still often fall into a state of anxiety as their children grow up. Obviously, blindly disciplining children will not make parents\’ lives easy, nor will it help their children grow into healthy people in the future. So as parents, how should we use the correct method to discipline our children? Shafali Sabari, a PhD in clinical psychology from Columbia University and an education expert, integrated the influence of Eastern mindfulness thought in her early years with Western psychological concepts to form her own unique awakening education philosophy. The book \”Parents\’ Awakening\” she wrote reveals the truth behind the parent-child relationship, solves the problems of family education, and teaches parents the correct way to raise children. Let us open this book together, master the methods in the book, awaken our own hearts, and rebuild a new parent-child relationship with our children. Learn to accept your children and accept yourself at the same time. In the process of raising children, parents try their best to raise their children, but some parents still make the same mistake invariably. They often impose their own wishes and ideas on their children, silently cultivating a \”mini version\” of themselves. They always want to teach their children what they think is best, but they forget that children should actually enjoy their own rights. No matter what stage children are in, they need a sense of identity as they grow up, and they want to win the approval of their parents with their actions. And all we need to do is accept them with a smile. The author tells us in the book that if we want to accept our children as they are, we need to let go of the idea of ​​\”what should be.\” The author shared a short story with us in the book, telling us that acceptance is definitely not a passive behavior, but rather an active, enthusiastic, and dynamic process. John and Alexis have a son named Jack. Jack\’s growth style is different from other boys. Jack likes to be quiet and does not like sports. He prefers art and dancing. John and his wife are full of internal struggles. They feel that their son is too feminine and they are afraid that their son will become gay when he grows up. In their hearts, they also hope that he will be as lively and active as other boys. But they controlled their inner anxiety and patiently cultivated his feelings for music and dance. They quietly observed and waited. Later, their son grew up healthily and normally. The parents fully accepted their son. They did not need his son to fulfill their dreams or realize their longings. Instead, it gave him space for self-development as always, so that Jack could have his truest self. So if we want to accept our children, we must first get rid of harmful stereotypes, connect with them on a deeper level, and put ourselves in sync with the pulse of our children. Secondly, we must also face spiritual choices correctly and throw away our own sense of self-confidence. No longer set children to move towards the perfect dream of \”what should be\” in their hearts, and allow children to freely explore life and living. Finally, we must set an example and look at problems that arise in life realistically., to send a message to children that mistakes are inevitable and insecurities in life also exist. There is no need to ask yourself to be perfect, just try your best. If you want to accept your children, another point is crucial, that is, parents must accept themselves. The author deeply analyzes the truth from the psychological and emotional level: if parents have any trouble in accepting their children, then the source of the problem must come from the parents\’ past experiences. As parents, if we cannot fully accept our truest selves, we will never be able to accept our children. Accepting our children is closely connected with accepting ourselves. Only when we learn to respect and appreciate ourselves can we respect and appreciate our children. Adjust your own emotions and look at your child\’s behavior objectively. In the years of raising your children, have you ever been in a state of explosiveness? At that moment, your anger erupts like a volcano, and you yell at your children, unable to control your behavior. I believe that many parents must have painfully experienced this state. In fact, parents’ emotions will directly affect their children’s psychological development. Children are so absorbent that they soak up our stupidity and craziness like sponges. If our children always see us forcing our feelings on others or constantly blaming each other, they will repeat the same mistakes when they grow up. The author came into contact with a single father at work, his name was Peter. Peter\’s 15-year-old son Andrew has entered a period of youth rebelliousness. He alienates his father and only likes to stay with friends, chatting online until late at night, not doing homework, resulting in poor grades, and even smoking marijuana. The father was very annoyed by this, and the relationship between father and son fell into a state of dysfunction. They had a close relationship when their son was very young. However, in recent years, the communication between them has been reduced to fierce quarrels. Peter felt that his son did not respect him at all, and one night he could no longer control his emotions. He threatened his son that he would never say a word to him again, stormed out of the house angrily, and walked around his house angrily. Finally, he rushed into his son\’s room, unplugged the computer, and threw the computer to the ground. When the son protested, Peter punched his son in the face. Perhaps many parents have experienced this experience of my father Peter, and they would have reacted the same way as Peter in the furious situation at that time. But the author tells us that although his actions were excusable, the seeds of the conflict between him and his son were actually planted many years ago. Initially, it was because of a conflict of opinions between father and son. Later, the father\’s desire for control escalated, but the child has grown up day by day and has his own ideas. So it turned into a trauma in the father-son relationship. It can be seen that parents\’ emotional turbulence, subjective judgment of children\’s motivations, and lack of sense of their own rights are the root causes of conflicts. Only by adjusting your emotions well can you maintain a lasting intimate relationship with your children. So how can we adjust our emotions? The author told me that there are a few points that I can follow: 1: Learn to face your own negative reactions.. By educating our children, we can also discover our own immaturity. If we suppress our negative emotions for a long time, they will form a shadow in our hearts over time, and then we will vent these emotions on others unconsciously. So learn to face your own negative reactions and don\’t suppress them too much. Two: Discover your own emotional nature. We are stimulated by the outside world every day. As parents, we are more susceptible to stimulation by our children. A state of being on edge can only mean that we are full of resistance to certain things in life. In order for our children to grow up in a happy and close environment, we should stay awake and accept and deal with reality as it is. Three: Learn to tame your own anxiety. Anxiety is an unavoidable and natural emotion, which often comes from some unresolved problems in the heart. Regardless of whether there are triggering events or characters at the moment, these problems always exist. Therefore, we must learn to face our own anxieties correctly, break the negative mentality, and prevent ourselves from falling into negative emotions. Four: Learn to respond calmly to children\’s words and deeds. We cannot rely on our own instincts and blindly react to children\’s words and deeds. Instead, when conflicts arise, we should first think calmly and then choose the most appropriate response. Teaching children to face life correctly and how to deal with various situations in life reflects our world view. But many times, our worldview is not beautiful. We easily teach our children to make negative evaluations of life, but rarely teach them to experience the true face of reality. The author tells us that how we treat our own lives, our children will learn how to treat theirs. We should learn to accept everything we encounter in life. Only by doing so can we teach our children to correctly handle and respond to various problems that arise in life when they grow up. Regarding this point, Greg\’s parents did a good job in the story shared by the author in the book. Greg is a 16-year-old boy who has difficulty getting along with his peers and even finding it difficult to go out because he suffers from autism and severe attacks of panic disorder and paranoia. He also cannot stay home alone because his symptoms can flare up at any time. Greg\’s parents changed their entire lives and careers to care for him. Guarding him 24 hours a day. But they did not complain about life and felt that life was unfair. I have never been negative or decadent, and I have never lost patience. They fully accepted in their hearts that Greg was their son and that he was a sick person who needed care. They accepted their fate calmly, fully understood their roles and responsibilities, viewed life as an adventure, and chose to face it bravely regardless of success or failure. It is true that in the process of life, life is not smooth sailing. When we regard life as a wise guide, then every experience may teach children something, and children will use it as a reference for how their parents handle and respond to life. These methods will also become their means of coping with challenges in the future. When faced with difficulties in life, all we have to do is teach our childrenSon, we still have to embrace life with enthusiasm. Different periods and different parenting methods. At each stage of a child\’s growth, the methods of educating children are actually different. As parents, only by constant adjustment can we successfully establish a close relationship with our children. During this process, many people pay more attention to more practical issues, such as children\’s nutrition, sleep, behavioral habits, etc. But the author emphasizes that there is a core issue that cannot be ignored, and that is the spiritual connection between children and parents. In the book, the author teaches parents how to carry out spiritual construction in the process of raising children through the two stages of a child\’s childhood and his school age. In infancy, the key to building a spiritual world is for parents to form a unified and harmonious connection with their children. During this period, the connection established between parents and children is the most profound. Children and parents will blend with each other, and the rhythms of body and mind will penetrate into each other and form synchronization. When parents stay by their side, it also creates a sense of psychological security and physical comfort for babies. In the infant stage of their children, parents must have a selfless mind. Because you have to meet the baby\’s needs, you can only put your own other needs at the back. In the process of serving children, we are actually serving ourselves. We discover that our hearts can be so compassionate and full of love, and that we become spiritually fulfilled. As the baby grows, so do the parents. After the age of two, children begin to explore their individuality and independence. The child in front of me is no longer clingy, but has become assertive and rebellious. They were in constant motion, and the parents didn\’t have a moment to sit down and rest. Like infancy, early childhood provides parents with an opportunity to expand their spiritual world. At this stage, the first thing we should recognize is that when children are angry or kick or bite us, it is because we do not correctly understand their intentions. During this period, parents should learn to allow their children to exercise their rights and let them take risks bravely. But there must also be an initial awareness of establishing some rules and restrictions for them. Routines should also be established for young children\’s lives to gradually develop their independence. Also set limits on what they can say and do. When children reach school age, our attitude towards children should be more flexible and relaxed than before. Parents should gradually change from the protagonist to the supporting role in the spiritual development of their children during school age. The author found that his daughter suddenly had many friends at this stage and no longer relied on her for everything. She felt relaxed and a little reluctant to let go. She even felt a little lost, feeling that she was no longer so important in the child\’s heart. The child sometimes only wanted to stay with his friends. During this period, parents must recognize their children\’s growth direction and encourage their children to develop some excellent qualities. Children will try to play out their future adult roles, and as parents, our job is to provide them with the support they need to help them develop complete personalities. During this period, we should be less arbitrary, stay calm, learn to listen quietly, and then understand, respect, and accept them. It seems that as a parentIt is indeed a very hard thing. In the process of raising children, we constantly encounter challenges. Therefore, we should calm down and reflect on ourselves, abandon those unsuccessful parenting strategies, become awakened parents, and let our children make progress. The author of How to Be an Awakened Parent tells us: All children\’s \”bad behaviors\” are a disguised cry or asking for help, because they cannot express their feelings through normal channels. As parents, we need to respond promptly to our children\’s needs. Because if there is no timely response from parents, it will accumulate day by day and cause more troubles to the children in the future. Jonathan, who is in his 40s, has never received praise from his parents. As a result, despite his intelligence, he was never able to work in the same position for a year as an adult. Subconsciously he always finds someone working against him, and eventually he has to leave. As a result, his work experience was very unstable, his personal credibility was reduced, and no one was willing to hire him again. In pain, Jonathan began to drink, smoke, quarrel with his wife, and abuse his children. The author analyzes Jonathan\’s life situation. She says that as long as Jonathan looks at himself, he will find that the reason why his life is in trouble is because he refuses to accept others. The root cause of this is that his parents\’ alienation during his childhood made him believe that he was the most unpopular person in the world. He believes that life is cruel and unfair, and a vicious cycle leads to inner emptiness. In the end, he brought his bad emotions into his life, into his work and family roles. It can be seen that the behavior of parents towards their children in childhood will have a subtle impact on their lives. Therefore, if we want to be an awakened parent, the first thing we should do is to get rid of old trauma and maintain physical and mental health. Devote yourself wholeheartedly to caring for your children, and prevent the pain in your heart from happening again to your children. Secondly, we must not deliberately arrange the children\’s life and learn to guide them correctly. Parents should be patient and not force their children to participate in various activities. Find their interests and listen to their true feelings. Another thing is to let go of your highest expectations and stop comparing your own children with other people’s children. Be able to appreciate the ordinaryness of children. Use the right kind of praise and value your child\’s effort, not just the results. Finally, parents should let their children learn to be alone quietly, because they also need to face the process of spiritual development alone. If we guide them properly, children have the ability to adjust their inner state. You won’t feel lonely, and you won’t be afraid of emptiness. Their lives will become fulfilling and interesting from now on. The above is the essence of the book \”Parents\’ Awakening\”. The profound parenting shown in the book not only helps parents educate their children, but also allows parents to grow themselves. In the face of children\’s education, it is indeed time for parents to wake up. We should not always focus on our children\’s academic performance, but should focus more on ourselves, the family atmosphere, and the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Psychologists believe that for children, the trust and love formed between parentsThe way of expression will become a framework for children to deal with intimate relationships when they become adults, and it is also a kind of projection. It is said that children who grow up in a loving family environment can grow up healthily and have the ability to love and be tolerant. Then, the way couples interact is particularly important. In the child\’s early years, the relationship between parents is hot and cold, and conflicts occur every day. It will only subtly plant a seed in the child\’s heart. When this seed slowly grows up, the child\’s emotions of tension, anxiety, fear and alienation will spread out. So as parents, let’s wake up at this moment. Adjust the relationship between husband and wife well and give children enough sense of security so that they can easily touch happiness when they grow up.