Parents’ biggest folly: Raising “obedient” children

Parents share: Are obedient children really good? Obedient children are sensible and well-behaved when they are young, and they do whatever their parents ask them to do. Behind it are ingratiation, fear, and even despair. They are things that children do around their parents in order to make their parents happy and satisfied. They take care of their parents\’ feelings, go against their own nature, and suppress themselves. When a person has a painful experience or emotion, he can mobilize his self-function and exclude it from the scope of consciousness. In other words, these painful things are always there, but I can\’t feel them. The child studies very well and performs well in all aspects, but he completely loses himself and loses himself. It is more like a tool for work and work, but problems will break out in college, marriage, and career in the future. 1. Feeling that life is meaningless and empty. 2. Living tiredly and cautiously. If you don’t live for yourself and live for others, you will always feel unhappy. I am afraid that my mother will be unhappy, my lover will be unhappy, and my boss will be unhappy. He does things regardless of his own feelings and always revolves around others. I hope that everyone will recognize me, especially in an intimate relationship. After being complained about, I try my best to explain and always hope that the other party will understand. 3. Lack of vitality and lack of self-worth. Lack of independent thinking ability, inability to innovate at work, and the purpose of doing things is more to make others recognize themselves and gain appreciation, rather than to be motivated from the heart. Things will be done well, but if you are not happy, the real motivation is not like. No creativity, no sense of planning. 4. Follow the rules, have narrow ideas, have no independent opinions, and dare not take responsibility. Always be obedient and do things according to the rules, not according to the rules. Do whatever the leader tells you to do. I feel at a loss when making decisions by myself. I always follow other people\’s opinions. I am afraid of making mistakes and being punished. There are many children around us who are good children in the eyes of others. There is a married female graduate student who has been going to school by herself since she was in the second grade of elementary school. Because she has to walk 30 minutes to go to school, she gets up earlier than her parents. She washes herself and goes to the cafeteria to have breakfast before going to school. When I went out in the morning, my parents had not gotten up yet. Because her parents were not well-educated, they always wanted her to study hard. They had very high demands on her in study, and they often beat and scolded her. After the third grade, she began to study consciously. She would not play until she finished her homework. Her parents would not be affected by watching TV outside and she would study until midnight. In junior high school, she was always among the top three in her grade. Her parents would not praise her if she did well in the exam, but would constantly remind her not to be proud. If she did not do well in the exam, she would be scolded. Of course, she was admitted to a key high school as she wished. But in fact, she was not particularly happy, because she felt that studying was for her parents, to stop being beaten and scolded by them, to make them happy, and to make their faces look bright. If she couldn\’t get into a key high school, she would feel extremely hopeless, see no way out, and feel sorry for her parents. Once I passed the exam, I felt like I had finally accomplished my mission. This kind of independence, strength and self-discipline should be forced, narrow-minded and unhealthy. Maybe it was because her parents put too much pressure on her to study when she was a child, and she was often beaten by them. She started to have special problems in high school.Don\’t be rebellious – your parents don\’t like to hear anything they say, and they think everything they say is wrong. They don\’t want to communicate with them, and they quarrel whenever they communicate. Because of her \”disobedience\”, her parents became more severe, beating and scolding her, and also imposed financial control. I didn’t have the opportunity to try and make mistakes since I was a child, and my parents always protected me from taking detours. Although she now knows that she cannot listen to her parents on many things, she is dependent, very unconfident, conservative, and cowardly in her heart. She is afraid that she will do something wrong or make a wrong move. She needs to make her own decisions on many things and is always vacillating. Uncertain, so they rely on people they consider \”reliable\”, such as friends, and it is easy to lose their own judgment and decisions and be influenced by others. After entering undergraduate and postgraduate studies, she had no other entertainment activities besides studying. She couldn\’t sing, and she didn\’t join any clubs. She didn\’t go out on trips with her classmates, and she didn\’t fall in love. Thinking about her college life, it was very boring. Knowing the reasons for the formation of her current personality and various disadvantages, I know that it is really important to protect and cultivate children\’s autonomy. Why do parents always want their children to obey? Our educational philosophy still remains in the agricultural civilization. During the agricultural civilization period, a patriarchal culture was formed, and parents\’ concept was to make their children obedient. Our country has experienced long periods of war and poverty, which left our ancestors and fathers with a deep sense of insecurity. I am always afraid of losing control of my life, and my psychological insecurity is still there. The most controllable thing is my child\’s learning, and I try to firmly control my child\’s learning. Subconsciously, they are afraid that their children will be separated from themselves, and subconsciously they are afraid of being separated from their children. Especially parents who have experienced separation trauma in childhood are afraid of being abandoned by their children. If their children are obedient, they will not be abandoned. This way you won\’t feel abandoned. \”Children\’s Emotional Psychology\” mentioned: Many parents demand their children according to their own wishes, regardless of their children\’s psychological needs, and ignore their children\’s emotional changes. As a result, children do not understand their parents\’ painstaking efforts, and parents do not understand what their children are thinking. Nature causes great harm to both sides. But if parents can understand the truth about their children\’s \”rebellion\”, pay attention to their children\’s emotional changes, be aware of their children\’s psychological needs, and give their children understanding and comfort, their children will be able to get through the \”rebellious period\” faster and more smoothly. And the close relationship between parents and children grows steadily in this mutual understanding!