Parents, have you ever listened to me carefully?

A few days ago, a friend asked me for help, saying that her son, who was in elementary school, would not tell her anything, and when she spoke, the child would resist and even hide in his room. She said that when her children were in kindergarten, they would chirp about things at school every day when they came back from school. However, she was too busy every time and felt that she could just respond to what her children said. After entering elementary school, the child\’s learning tasks increased. Every time I saw him not paying attention to his homework, I would scold him, and I felt that it was not pleasing to the eye. It feels like I\’ve never had a good conversation. How many parents don\’t listen well when their children speak. When children grow up and don\’t talk to their parents, they won\’t be able to listen even if they want to. When a child says that he encountered a big monster in kindergarten, many parents will laugh it off and think that the child\’s words are a bit out of tune. Then they continue to immerse themselves in their own work or continue to play with their mobile phones. They casually deal with what the children say, without paying attention to what the children say. This will only make the child feel annoyed and even desperate. I have also had this experience. Sometimes I am busy chatting with my friends on the phone, but my son comes over to show me some of his toys or things he has drawn, and then tells me what they are. At that time, I could only look sideways and say \”yes\”, and he would hold my hand and continue talking. I had to face him, listen to what he said, and then answer him appropriately and seriously. Only in this way could I Walk away satisfied. When reading Little Beans by the Window, there was one part that moved me very much. Xiaodoudou, who was dropped out of school, came to Ba Academy and met the very important person in her life, Mr. Sosaku Kobayashi. When we met for the first time, the principal pulled the chair up to Xiao Doudou, sat down facing her, and said, \”Okay, you can talk to the teacher. You can say whatever you want. Tell the teacher everything you want to say.\” Listen.\” \”What do you want to say?\” Xiao Doudou originally thought that the principal would ask some questions and let her answer them. When she heard \”anything goes\”, Xiaodoudou was very happy and started talking immediately. The order and way of speaking were a bit messy, but she said desperately:… He said to Xiaodoudou: \”Say everything you want to say to the teacher, whatever you say is fine.\” This was what he said. four hours. \”At this time, Xiao Doudou felt that she had met someone she really liked for the first time in her life! Because, since Xiao Doudou was born until now, no one has ever listened to her for such a long time. Moreover, in such a long time , Mr. Principal never yawned once or showed any signs of impatience. Like Xiao Doudou, he leaned forward and listened attentively. \”It would be great to be with this person forever. \”This is Xiaodoudou\’s feeling after meeting Mr. Sosaku Kobayashi for the first time. As a parent, you are with your children every day, but how many of them can really listen to their children? We often see this picture: a few adults are listening to their children. We were chatting together, and the children were walking around asking questions. The adults said impatiently: \”Go and play, don\’t make trouble.\” Or when faced with a child who asked 100 questions every day.With children, some parents can\’t stand the pressure and just say, \”I\’ll scold you if you ask me again!\” On the way to raising children, we need to have the patience to listen to their children\’s voices. Especially parents who are busy all day long must set a time every day to talk to their children. Like Principal Xiaolin, pull the chair up to the child, or gently hug your child and say: \”Okay, you can talk to me, whatever you want. Tell me everything you want to say today.\” Listen.\” If you don\’t listen carefully to your children when you are young, they may not say anything to you after they are more than 10 years old. Those secrets of adolescence will only be told to the people you trust most, and your heart will only be opened to those who are willing to listen to you. If you put down what you are doing, face your child, and listen to your child gently and carefully, many years later, your child will still remember this scene and open up to your parents at critical times. Only in this way will the children feel that everything is worth telling their parents, and will they feel truly understood and respected. Children\’s hearts are very sensitive. Our casual words and things will be observed by them and remembered in their hearts. How many children are calling in their hearts: Mom and Dad, please listen to me! If the child has nothing to say, then go and talk to the child. There is always something to talk about. And we must encourage children to speak, because in the future, it is very necessary for children to be able to express their thoughts clearly, freely, and without shyness in front of others. How many people were rejected within a few minutes of the interview due to their lack of expressive skills. Even if you have the ability, there is nothing you can do. We might as well train our children’s expression skills. We have a fun bedtime talk time at our house. Usually it is caused by a story. I will read a picture book or tell a story to my son. When talking about picture books, turn on the lights because children need to see the pictures. But the story can be told in the quiet darkness with the lights turned off. Both methods are good, try them both. Many mothers say that their children are used to looking at pictures and listening to their mother’s words. That is neglecting the children to speak. At the beginning, the child will definitely say \”I have nothing to say!\” Will he really have nothing to say? Then take your children to make one. I remember one time, I made up a story for my son about dinosaurs crossing the Crocodile Valley. The early part gave some wonderful renderings and storylines, but the focus was on the middle. I had to guide the child to tell it because I wanted to hear his voice more. I asked, \”What should the dinosaurs do when they face a river occupied by crocodiles and want to cross the river?\” \”Tell me about it!\” I encouraged him. At first he said there was no way, but by this time he was completely immersed in it and wanted to start thinking about it. I gave him a few hints, and he really came up with some wild ideas. Of course, I wanted to encourage him and follow his clues. For example, he would think of throwing a stone into the crocodile\’s mouth to make the crocodile sink. He also said that all the dinosaurs should fart and stun the crocodiles. …The whole story is going on in our mutual fabrication. Very heartwarming and fun. Then encourage the child to tell stories to people at home, and then tell stories to other children. When the child can speak, his expressive ability will be developed. And the most important thing is parentsEncourage your children and listen, rather than preach. \”Come on, tell me how you feel.\” Children\’s emotions should be understood. Listening is like a door, allowing the child\’s emotions to flow from his world and letting us feel it. Only then can we understand the child empathically. Many times, we will see some children who want to say something to their parents. They look extremely aggrieved, but in the end they purse their lips and stop. Faced with their parents\’ arrogant demands, they know that their voices are destined to be ignored and their emotions cannot be seen. Crying is seen as weakness, anger is seen as rebellion, and the true needs of the heart are misunderstood. Emotions always need to find an outlet and a place to resolve them. Suppressed emotions don\’t go away on their own, they need to be seen. For example, if a child fails to do well in an exam, maybe he is looking for the reason and feels that he did not understand the questions and lost points, and he is very upset. But when the demanding parents saw it, they directly said, \”Why are you so careless and stupid? If you do it right, you will get 100 points.\” The attitude is fierce and the child is warned not to make mistakes next time. Children who have been strictly disciplined by their parents for a long time are often the most vulnerable inside. Emotions that have been suppressed for a long time will ferment and one day explode. Loving a child starts with understanding the child; understanding a child starts with listening and understanding the child from the child\’s perspective. If you feel that your child is disobedient, you might as well reflect on whether you have listened to your child properly.