Parents’ low-key education is a lifetime gift to their children (strongly recommended)

A few days ago, I was very busy working overtime because of work. When I got home, I wanted to have a comfortable dinner; but when 6-year-old Guoguo insisted on watching TV, I couldn\’t help but yelled at her. But the difference was that after being yelled at this time, she neither cried nor made a fuss. She just frowned and sulked, and didn\’t talk to herself the whole night. No matter how I tried to get closer to her, she always pouted her little mouth and said \”hum\” in response. In this way, we had a \”cold war\” all night. Before going to bed, I accidentally read an article by psychologist Wu Zhihong; he said: \”Children are the receivers of parents\’ emotions. When parents are uneasy, children will immediately become alert; when parents relax, children will immediately feel \”Pleasure.\” Many times, when we adults get emotional, we vent to our children regardless. We always think that everything will be fine after venting, but we forget that children are also individuals with independent spirituality. Children are not \”trash cans\” for parents\’ bad moods. Your 30% temper will cause 70% harm to your children. When we always yell at our children and think we are educating them, in fact, we are pushing our children further and further away. The parent-child relationship in many families has reached a deadlock, which is ruined by this simple and crude communication mode of \”yelling\”. Because there is love, every word must be said well. The \”whispering\” education of parents is the best growth gift for children in their lives. What happens to a child\’s body after he or she is yelled at loudly? It\’s not easy to be a parent. You have to constantly switch between yelling at your child and blaming yourself after yelling. It\’s also hard to be a child. No matter how much you yell, you\’ll still go your own way next time. Although a yell can make a child calm down immediately, the harm it causes to the child is beyond imagination. What happens to children who often grow up with their parents yelling? In the face of your yelling, the child\’s reaction will generally have two results: First, the child is calmed down by you. At this time, his heart is full of fear, and he becomes trembling and timid because of your emotions. Second, your children will turn a deaf ear to your words, and may even resist if they do it too often. Some children will respond to you by yelling, and some will want to confront you. Parents\’ emotional instability is the biggest obstacle to destroying the parent-child relationship. Don’t underestimate your influence on your children. Everything you say and do will become a lever to promote your children’s lives. There was once a professor at Harvard Medical School who spent more than ten years studying the consequences of parents yelling at their children. He found that parents who often yell and scold their children will increase the levels of stress hormones in their children, leading to changes in brain structure. It can also cause the hippocampus to become smaller, affecting children\’s memory. Being yelled at and scolded often will really change a child. The more he yells, the stupider he becomes. Not only that, offensive words will also have a great impact on children\’s character development. Children who are often yelled at often feel insecure and even develop rebellious behaviors. Psychological research has found that if parents often say \”mocking\” and \”abusive\” words to their children, it will cause the children to develop a negative personality, which will lead to low self-esteem, introversion, and melancholy.And afraid of being around people. Dr. Montessori said: \”Every character defect is caused by childhood misfortune.\” The impact of negative emotions and yelling on children from their parents is far greater than we imagine. . How to educate in a low voice? There are no perfect parents in the world, but we can have a motivated heart to improve learning. Since yelling is harmful to children, we should do our best to reduce the occurrence of harm. We strive to achieve \”low-key\” education so that children can grow up healthily in a family atmosphere bathed in love and rules. 1. Control your emotions. As parents, how to control our emotions is a lesson we must learn. A good way to control your emotions is to calm down and give yourself 3 minutes to wait. In order to avoid causing greater conflicts with your children, when you feel that you are about to lose control of your temper, you can temporarily stay away from your children and stay alone for 3 minutes to calm down first. Take a deep breath, listen to music, or enjoy the distant scenery. In short, do something that can divert your attention. Wait until your mood is completely better before communicating with your child. 2. Lower your tone and speak in a low voice when criticizing. When some parents criticize and educate their children, they always like to scold them loudly, regardless of the effect, thinking that louder voices can calm the children. But the result is always the opposite. Both adults and children become more and more excited, and it is almost time to start directly. The \”whispering\” education of parents is a lifetime gift to their children. Because a low tone can make people more rational and calm, and can also relax children\’s psychological defenses of resistance and rebelliousness, which is conducive to communication. 3. Use the correct tone and wording. As the earliest and longest-serving teachers in a child’s life, parents’ words and deeds have a great impact on the formation of their children’s future personalities. Therefore, think twice before speaking and use the appropriate tone and wording to achieve good results. So, if you can’t beat or scold your children, how should you criticize them? In the face of children\’s mistakes, parents can adopt this principle: before the age of 2, do not blame the child. The best result is that the child is not injured; for children aged 2-6, after the child makes a mistake, they should let nature take its course and accept the child\’s behavior. And calmly tell the children what to do; for children aged 6-12, help them learn from their mistakes, learn social rules and bear the consequences of their mistakes. Many times, we believe that a filial son emerges from a stick, but the truth is exactly the opposite. Parents\’ hands are used to hug their children, not to spank them. Your tone and wording often determine whether a child will develop in a good direction or deviate from the track of life. 4. A gentle but firm attitude. If you can\’t help but get angry at your child, here\’s what to do. First, accept the fact that you are angry, don\’t feel guilty, and let your child know what your emotional response is to him at this moment. Secondly, express your feelings objectively and let your child understand your concern for him. For example: \”I\’m angry because I\’m worried about you\”; instead of saying: \”Why is your child always such a headache?\” \”Low-tone\” education does not mean that parents will continue to behave badly towards their children.\”Suck it up\”, but let you educate your children gently but firmly. Gentleness means that we should control our emotions and not be eager to criticize and accuse; when talking to children, we should be patient and tell them what the rules are in a calm tone. Firmness means not to compromise easily once the rules are established. Being gentle and firm means that parents should stick to their principles, not be irritable or discouraged, and calmly tell their children what should be done and what should not be done. International parent-child communication expert Adele Farber said: \”Never underestimate the influence of your words on a child\’s life.\” Whether a child\’s future will get better or worse lies in the parents\’ mouths. Every word and deed of parents has an unforgettable impact on their children. If there is any parenting skill in the world that is most effective, it is the words and deeds of parents! Parents’ low-key education is a lifetime gift to their children!