Parents quarreling is more stimulating to children than horror movies

A mother sent me a private message on Weibo, saying that she was feeling very uncomfortable and wanted to talk to someone. She had a big quarrel with her husband, and the trigger was a very small thing: her 5-year-old baby fell ill and had a fever a few days ago, and her husband happened to be on a business trip at that time. She sent the baby to the hospital alone, and took good care of her. The child has improved. But children are children after all. They are just fine, but they still have a fever and a cough, but they insist on going downstairs to play. Of course she wouldn\’t allow it. Tell the child, \”You are still sick, and your illness will get worse if you go out.\” At first, the child nodded, but unexpectedly the child\’s father came over and said, \”Little boy, what can you do if you let him go out to exercise more? I\’ll be fine soon. It\’s easier to get sick if you stay in the house every day.\” Seeing that he had received support from his father, the child was eager to try again and pestered his father to go out. Dad also started looking for clothes. The mother couldn\’t bear it anymore and started yelling at her husband: \”What did you do when the child was sick and needed someone to take care of him all night? Now that the child is about to recover, be a good person. What should you do if you take him out to play and catch the wind? You are on a business trip. Who cares about the child?\” The husband also became impatient: \”I am not going on a business trip to play, it is also for this family. The child has been sick for so long, what if I let him go downstairs to play happily for a while…\” So the two of them Personally, I started blaming each other. The child was so frightened that she shouted, \”Mom, I was wrong, I won\’t go downstairs.\” She felt very sorry for the child. Then she thought about her husband who not only refused to help, but also liked to contradict her in front of the child, and even moved. thought of divorce. For the sake of your children, keep them away from quarrels. I believe that most families have encountered the problem this mother encountered, which is that the husband and wife have different parenting concepts. In fact, it is not easy for two people who grew up in different environments and have independent thoughts to come together and become husband and wife. It is normal to have disagreements while accompanying your children to grow up. But I think the hardest thing is not to immediately argue about what is best for the child and who is right after the conflict occurs. Instead, control your emotions, suppress your temper, and don\’t let your children grow up in their parents\’ quarrels. When parents disagree because of themselves, children will fall into a dilemma. And another serious consequence of this kind of quarrel is that children cannot learn to solve problems in a calm manner. When parents lack equality and respect, how can children learn to apply these principles when treating others? A good relationship between husband and wife is a good education in itself. I still remember a movie called \”Famous\”. There is a scene in which the heroine Jenny goes to an art school for an interview. She expressed her feelings about her parents\’ divorce through the character\’s voice: \”When my parents divorced, they told me three things. One, it\’s not your fault; two, it\’s really not your fault; three, It\’s really not your fault.\” Doesn\’t it sound like her parents did a pretty good job? But Jenny continued: \”But the point is that I don\’t believe it, and no child will believe it. I have seen your wedding photos, when you were both young and smiling at each other. EvenYou will be happy just looking at each other. What changes happened between the past and the present? it\’s me! I came into this world and made you tired, irritable, and anxious. I made you lose your hair and gain 20 pounds. Faced with all of this, I… For a child, what harm can be greater than that of a parent? What\’s more serious, each holding his own opinions, complaining, quarreling, and blaming each other like enemies? Especially when the quarrel in the family turns out to be caused by him, the guilt and fear the child feels are often deeper. On the other hand, the harmony and friendship between parents is the best education for their children. People tend to follow the herd, and children know best how to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. When parents support, affirm and cooperate with each other, children will not be confused and will be more willing to follow their parents\’ requirements. Suhomlinsky, a famous educator in the former Soviet Union, once emphasized the importance of a consistent attitude between parents: \”The father\’s requirements for the child must be consistent with the mother\’s requirements for him. As long as the child feels that the mother and father have a \”yes\”, \” They have different views on concepts such as \”can\’t\”, \”should\”, and \”shouldn\’t\”. Then, even the most reasonable request will be violence and coercion in their view, and it will trample on his freedom and desires. This will cultivate It becomes a child\’s willful and unreasonable bad habit. After a child behaves in a certain way, if the parents unanimously affirm or deny it, he will understand whether he is correct or not, and learn to continue or stop or correct this behavior in a new environment, thereby developing Self-control ability.\” Communicate frequently, don\’t create trouble, and talk about it as a family. Controlling your own temper is not an easy thing, but it is definitely something worth working for. Especially when it comes to educating children, if both parties can remain rational and speak well, the conflicts between them will be reduced a lot. ☞Communicate frequently, negotiate early, and establish a united front. We often see or experience such disputes. The mother thinks that it is difficult for children to persist in doing things and they should be pushed appropriately to learn more things as early as possible. However, the father always thinks that interest classes are useless and make the children less interested in learning. There are also mothers who insist not to feed their children junk food, but the father often buys various snacks for his children and takes them to eat KFC behind the mother\’s back to save himself trouble and make his children happy. They have to argue many times before they finally calm down. There are many things like these about educating children that can be anticipated in advance. These issues can be negotiated privately by the husband and wife in advance. After the negotiation is carried out, the two people will not have a face-to-face dispute. ☞Don’t make trouble, don’t complain, and establish a good image of the other party. Many things happen unexpectedly. Just like what the mother said at the beginning, the child didn’t recover from a cold but wanted to go downstairs to play. When these problems occur, for non-principled issues, it is very important to give the other party \”face\” and maintain the other party\’s image in the children\’s minds. The father should not try to undermine the mother when the child already agrees with the mother. Even if Dad is right, it is Mom\’s authority that is being destroyed, which is not worth the loss. ☞Be considerate of the other person’s attitude and give your own suggestions most of the timeSometimes, behind the disputes between parents, it is for the good of the children. Since the purpose is the same, there is a basis for mutual understanding. Dads want their children to exercise because they want to participate in their growth; mothers want their children to learn more knowledge because they want their children to have a smoother life in the future. Home is a place full of love. If you acknowledge each other\’s efforts and understand each other\’s hard work, it will not be so difficult to reconcile conflicts. ☞Read professional books and learn from classic methods to seek solutions to conflicts from professionals. It is always the easiest way to resolve conflicts. When disagreements arise, you may wish to read classic parent-child education books at home and abroad. Being a parent is a job that requires the most comprehensive skills in the world. Children belong to two people, and both people have the right and obligation to raise their children. In order to raise their children better, both people need to accept some fresh ideas. The problems that every family encounters, both at home and abroad, will definitely be encountered in countless families, and there must be a solution that is worth trying. A friend of mine once shared this passage with me: A person\’s self-cultivation is not found when he is calm, but when he is upset; a person\’s rationality is not found when the storm is calm, but when people are noisy; a person\’s compassion is not found when the storm is calm but when people are noisy. It’s not when you are condescending, but when someone speaks lightly; the respect between lovers is not when you are in a leisurely mood, but when you have different opinions; the love between husband and wife is not when the flowers are in front of the moon, but when disaster strikes. No parent likes to be contradicted or rejected in front of their children. And no child likes to give an alternative answer to a parent\’s quarrel. Every disagreement between the two parties is not only a test of the tacit understanding between the two parties, but also an opportunity for each other to understand each other better. You might as well discuss the matter and let the two of you stand on a united front to protect the growth of your child.