Parents who love too much will be a disaster in their children\’s lives

There lived a fisherman couple on a small island. One autumn, the swans that flew south to spend the winter came to the island to rest. Seeing the beauty of the swans, the fisherman couple took good care of them. The swan enjoyed the care of the fisherman and his wife, so it gave up flying south. When winter comes and the lake freezes, the old couple builds huts for them to keep warm. Winter and summer came and went, and the swans lived a comfortable life under the protection of the old couple. One day, the old couple passed away. Without human care, the swans did not fly south to spend the winter, but could not endure the harsh environment and eventually starved to death on the island. It turns out that the swan has lost its original ability to survive under the care of the fisherman and his wife. Their excessive love for swans devours their ability to survive. The same is true for raising children. Excessive care will eventually turn into harm. Love too much, blindly asking for, blindly running away. There was an Indian man in his 30s who stayed at home and was too lazy to eat. His weight once soared to 600 pounds. Eventually, he became so fat that the bed at home collapsed. His daily routine consisted of eating, sleeping, and occasionally playing games to tease the dog. Other than that, he lay motionless in bed, waiting for his mother to cook rice and boil water for him. Day after day, the mother finally woke up and hoped that her son could become independent and at least get up every day to do something, so she decided to run away from home and no longer take care of him. A month after leaving, the mother came back and found that her son had starved to death. She was immediately filled with despair, feeling guilty and helpless. The birth of all \”giant babies\” stems from parents\’ excessive care for their children. All-pervasive love permeates children\’s lives and limits their growth, so that when they grow up, they will still enjoy everything their parents do for them like babies. It is the excessive care of parents that makes children either blindly demanding and ungrateful, or bent on escaping and longing for freedom. I still remember Wang Meng, a boy from Peking University who \”didn\’t go home for 12 years, blocked his parents for 6 years, and wrote a long article of 10,000 words to accuse his parents.\” Behind these glamorous labels, he was the top scorer in science in the college entrance examination, a bachelor\’s degree from Peking University, and a master\’s degree in the United States. A contest between him and his original family. This battle eventually ended in a breakup, and the root cause was the excessive care of the parents. He said: \”My mother has always tended to keep me at home and like to do things according to her own preferences.\” Before graduating from high school, almost all of his social circles were in the compound where he lived. He originally thought that by being admitted to Peking University, he would be able to stay away from his hometown and escape the \”control\” of his parents, but his parents\’ love was still with him, leaving him breathless and unable to get rid of him even if he went abroad to study for graduate school. Finally, a 10,000-word breakup letter was sent. Wang Meng blocked all contact with his parents and chose the most decisive way to say goodbye to his \”family\” completely. In an airtight space, animals and plants would be suffocated by lack of oxygen due to the thin air, let alone people? There is this passage in \”Special Cruelty, Special Love\”: \”The love parents give their children is not too little but too much. They cannot bear to let them experience the hardships of life from an early age, and they do not know how to ask for it at the right time, so in the end As a result, the children will have a hard life and ask for things from them all their lives!\” Excessive care not only makes children less capable, but also loses the opportunity to contact the outside world.Yes, they will become dependent on their parents. It will also suppress the child\’s nature, resulting in an independent personality and incomplete physical and mental development in adulthood. Loving too much is a disaster. Recently, Wu Xieyu, the mother-killer case from Peking University, restored the process of his crime. He bought knives, tarps, plastic sheets, isolation gowns, etc. from the Internet, killed his biological mother in an extremely cruel way, and defrauded 1.44 million yuan in her mother\’s name. Wu Xieyu is actually very good! He was admitted to Fuzhou No. 1 Middle School with the top score in the high school entrance examination. He was admitted to Peking University early in high school and was awarded the title of \”Three Excellent Students\” in his freshman year. He was an extremely outstanding and self-disciplined genius in the eyes of all his teachers, classmates and parents. Such a talented young man with excellent morals and academics actually brutally attacked his biological mother. To this day, no one knows the specific reasons and motives for his patricide. Wu Xieyu\’s friends once revealed that Wu Xieyu has serious mental illness, and his mother Xie Tianqin has been very strict with him since he was a child. It can be said that Wu Xieyu must meet the standards in all aspects before his mother will express satisfaction. Xie Tianqin, who has a conservative and withdrawn personality, a combination of mysophobia and perfectionism, devoted all his love to his son Wu Xieyu after the death of her husband. Wu Xieyu, who seems to be talented, intelligent, well-behaved and sensible, actually has his inner true emotions and thoughts suppressed. For him, his mother\’s excessive care may be just an invisible form of control. Under the protection and control of his mother, he lost the ability to get along with and reconcile with the world, and even developed a morbid mentality due to long-term depression. Parents\’ excessive love for their children cannot be exchanged for their children\’s kindness in the end. This kind of care is tantamount to a disaster for both parents and children. I can’t help but think of a story about the Oscar-winning short film “Baobao”. The hostess lived in a widowed marriage. When one day she discovered that the buns she made had come to life, the soft and cute appearance of the buns hit her soft heart in an instant. After finding emotional sustenance, she devoted all her love to Bao Baobao. She bathed, dressed, and fed the little bun lovingly, and carefully protected it as it grew up, just like a child. Bao Baobao gradually grew up and began to long for the outside world, but the old mother restricted all of its social activities because she was worried about its safety. From then on, \”mother and son\” began to compete again and again. Bao Baobao began to rebel and resist. He even used the excuse of moving out with his girlfriend to break away from his mother\’s control. But the out-of-control old mother finally grabbed the little bun and swallowed it in one gulp, which touched the hearts of countless people. The mother\’s love, which has nowhere to put, is poured into the child, which becomes the straw that breaks the child\’s back. The consequences will eventually come back to the parents. Many parents cannot distinguish between love and doting, ignore the essence of love, and provide excessive protection and control to their children, which invisibly takes away the only opportunity in their children\’s lives to grow up. How many parents are still controlling their children in the name of caring, and turning their children into enemies? True love is to give him enough space and freedom, rather than excessive doting and pathological control. Love has limits, don’t be a perfect parent. Recently, Huo Qigang’s views on education have been on the hot search. He wrote on Weibo: “Recently we have a familyWeekend activity, help dad wash the car! The younger sister is rewarded with delicious food, and the older brother earns some pocket money. He expressed that he hopes to let children know \”the price and effort behind buying things.\” \”You can\’t just say you want something if you like it. I hope they can learn to cherish it.\” \”In the picture, a pair of his children are washing the car. The two of them are very attentive, and the action of scrubbing with washing and personal care utensils looks impressive. Netizens shouted: The children of the rich also have to earn pocket money by working on their own. Let the wealthy family Living a life like that of ordinary people is the real wealthy family. In fact, as a breath of fresh air among wealthy families, the education views of Huo Qigang and his wife have long been regarded as textbook classics. Taking children to do charity and charity sales to raise funds , planting rice in the fields, visiting township health centers… They all experienced the hardships and fatigue with their children one by one, and they did not overly spoil their children because of their good family conditions. Let their children see the hardships and difficulties of life, Only then can he cherish the current life better. Only by being relaxed can he give his children the best space for growth. Philosopher Fromm once said: \”To test whether a mother\’s love for her children is of high quality, there is a touchstone, that is, whether the mother is willing Fully let go of your children and be willing to promote their autonomy and independence. \”Only when parents let go properly can children learn the ability to survive in the trials of life. The more dependent they are on their parents, the harder it is for children to learn to take care of themselves. In this life, people are destined to rely on themselves for the rest of their lives, and no one can replace them. Truly, Parents with far-sightedness are cruel enough. They know how to exercise restraint and love has limits. They are willing to let their children suffer. They will not do everything, let alone over-control. Let go when it’s time to let go. Kahlil Gibran said in \”On Children\”: \”You Your children are actually not your children. They are children born of life’s desire for itself. You can give them love, but you cannot give them thoughts, because they have their own thoughts. What you can shelter is their bodies, but not their souls, because their souls belong to tomorrow, a tomorrow that you cannot reach in your dreams. \”All love in this world has the purpose of gathering together. Only the love of parents for their children has the purpose of separation. Good separation is the success of education. The reluctance to let go does not mean that the love is deep, but that there is insufficient respect and trust. . Because we don’t believe that children can live and progress on their own, we pay attention to excessive care and shoulder the responsibility for their own growth. Every child is an independent individual, and they will eventually reach the other side. Parents You are just a companion for your child in the first half of his life. Love has limits and letting go properly is the best gift parents can give their children. Even if you are reluctant to let go, you should bear the pain and let go. This is the highest state of being a parent.