Parents who refuse to let go will never educate outstanding children.

Yesterday, I saw a piece of news: \”A mother went to Canada to see her 17-year-old son and ran downstairs late at night with a bruised face.\” Binbin, a 17-year-old boy from Hangzhou, comes from a wealthy family. A year ago, when he was a freshman in high school, his family sent him to Canada to attend high school. Because his ability to take care of himself was weak, he stayed in other people\’s homes. It\’s always a bit uncomfortable to get used to a new environment. Both he and his parents feel that it will get better after getting used to it for a while. However, as time passed, the cheerful Binbin became less talkative. The host family would also tease him from time to time. \”I haven\’t made any progress in English, and I don\’t know if I have studied it seriously.\” \”My living ability is so poor, what will I do in the future?\”… He also suppressed these words and refused to tell his family. He digested them by himself. Gradually, he stopped eating and bathing, and became even more disliked by others. The gossip spread to China, and Binbin\’s mother was really worried. She gave up her business and came to Canada. She took her son to a relative\’s home in Canada and decided to accompany him to study. This did not improve Binbin\’s situation at all. He couldn\’t get along with his classmates at school, and he began to get tired of studying. One night, my mother was sleeping. She suddenly opened her eyes late at night and found Binbin standing at the head of the bed. Then, Binbin grabbed her mother\’s neck and beat her. The mother, whose face was covered with bruises, fled to the security room downstairs and spent the night there. Early the next morning, the son saw the injuries on his mother\’s face and looked innocent. \”Mom, what\’s wrong with you?\” At this moment, my mother realized that the problem was big. She helped Binbin finish his studies in Canada, and when he returned to China to see a professional doctor, she learned that her son\’s condition was a form of depression. I wanted my children to see the world and broaden their horizons, but instead, I harmed my children\’s lives. A child facing an unfamiliar environment alone is a great challenge to the child\’s self-care ability. If you cannot cope with it well, you will easily develop negative emotions such as low self-esteem, loneliness, and depression, which will lead to psychological problems. For a child, self-care ability is an indispensable ability, but it is often ignored by many parents. They think that learning is the key. As for the ability to take care of themselves, children will naturally master it when they grow up. But is this really the case? Do you still remember the news that \”Oriental Prodigy Wei Yongkang\” was expelled from school? The 13-year-old \”Hunan prodigy\” Wei Yongkang was admitted to the Physics Department of Xiangtan University with a total score of 602, becoming the youngest college student in Hunan Province at the time. At the age of 17, he was admitted to the Chinese Academy of Sciences\’ master\’s and doctoral program. Her mother was really successful in her \”IQ\” education. Apart from studying, she would not let him interfere in anything at home. I wash my son\’s clothes, serve him meals, bathe him, wash his face, and even feed my son myself when he is already in high school so that he doesn\’t miss reading while eating. \”Only by concentrating on studying can you be successful in the future.\” From elementary school to university, Wei Yongkang\’s life has always been taken care of by his mother. \”Only by concentrating on studying can you be successful in the future!\” However, when Wei Yongkang was separated from his mother\’s care, he was completely \”out of control\”: he didn\’t know how to take off his clothes when it was hot, and he didn\’t know how to put on more clothes in the winter, so he ran out in single clothes and slippers; his room was not cleaned, it smelled bad, and his socks were dirty. Clothes are thrown everywhere; don’t remember to take exams and write your thesis. In the end, I didn\’t even get a master\’s degree, so I wasThe school persuaded him to quit. \”I thought to myself that he would grow up and leave me in the future. People are so smart and can learn quickly. I didn\’t know that he had formed a habit and couldn\’t change it.\” Wei Yongkang\’s mother was full of tears and regretful. This confirms what Montessori said: \”We are used to serving children, which is not only a kind of enslavement for them, but also dangerous.\” Every child is the \”treasure\” in the hearts of parents, taking care of their children It is also the obligation of parents, but they must not take \”over-care\”, otherwise it will lead to the child\’s lack of self-care ability. There was once a pair of parents who were afraid that their son would not adapt to life in the United States. Half a year before their son went to study in the United States, they refrigerated the meals and sent them to their children. Other international students can cook simple meals, but my son can\’t even make fried rice with eggs. Apart from the meals sent by his parents, he can only eat takeout. The New York Times reported that after many parents of college freshmen reported with their children, they lingered on campus out of worry about their children and refused to leave. They even rented houses near the school so that they could provide assistance at any time. The New York Times even described the \”helicopter parents\” that sparked heated discussions around the world many years ago as \”devil parents\” who are more personal and difficult to get rid of. This may be harsh, but it is true. As the old saying goes: \”Parents love their children and have profound plans for them.\” If you want your children to develop healthily, you must let them establish a sense of self-care and do everything by themselves. Only by doing things themselves can they achieve real growth. In September last year, the news \”Half of the children in a primary school in Ningbo couldn\’t peel shrimps in the cafeteria: someone fed me at home\” made headlines. On the first day of school for freshmen, more than 400 first-grade children of Ningbo Xincheng No. 1 Experimental School walked into the cafeteria and had their first meal in the school cafeteria. The dishes that day were very good, including four dishes, one soup and one fruit. The dishes included braised pork, cabbage, shrimp, cauliflower, and three shrimps in total. Just facing the shrimps, many students were dumbfounded. Looking at the prawns, half of the children were unable to start. A child picked up the shrimp, looked at it, put it down, and then licked his lips with his little tongue. The principal walked around for half an hour and found that half of the children couldn\’t peel shrimps. Many children have the same expression: they obviously want to eat, but they can’t start. Three plump prawns were placed on the dinner plate, but many children were indifferent… I wonder how these three prawns felt, would they be disappointed? Will you be sad? Still a little lucky? While eating, the principal also noticed something. Some children took a full 50 minutes to eat. When asked why they ate so slowly, the child\’s answer was very candid: \”Someone feeds me at home.\” Nowadays, children are only children, and their parents and elders are too doting on them. \”If you hold it in your mouth, you\’re afraid it will melt; if you hold it in your hand, you\’re afraid it will fall.\” Children are not allowed to get their hands on any household chores, no matter how big or small. As a result, children are \”stretching out their hands for clothes and opening their mouths for food\”, which cultivates children into dependent, lazy and imbecile children. It is also the behavior of parents who \”do everything\” that causes children to lose the opportunity to exercise, thereby losing the most basic ability to take care of themselves. This is true for primary school students, middle school students, and even college students. For example, some college students actually save enough dirty clothesSend one package home and let your parents wash it before sending it back. I would like to ask, how can we have the ability to live independently if our parents do everything for us? Children who do not have the ability to live independently are like flowers in a greenhouse that cannot withstand any setbacks, which is harmful to children. Love for children should be used as a \”booster\” for the child, not a \”stumbling block\”, so that the child can learn the basic ability to live independently and take care of himself, so that he can better adapt to society in the future. This is true love. As Tolstoy said: \”If a person knows how to work and how to love, then he will have a wonderful life.\” Basic tasks such as washing, cooking, and organizing things are not difficult, but parents are not willing to do it. Let go, think that the child can\’t do it well, or think that the child is slow to do it, so simply do it for the child. In fact, as long as parents let go, children can do very well. There is a saying in psychology called the \”Mabilon effect\”, which means that children will always develop in the direction you expect. If you don\’t always believe that he can do well, he may always make a mess; and if you believe that he is capable, he will often give you a big surprise. What parents need to do is to give them more patience. We must believe in the power of children\’s own growth, provide children with more opportunities to exercise, and cultivate their perception of \”I have abilities, I can contribute, and I can affect what happens to me.\” Remember, the less you do for your children and the more you let go, the better your children will do. This is why lazy mothers are better able to raise diligent children. Parents who don\’t let go cannot raise promising children. Parents should step back slowly when appropriate to allow their children to adapt to society and survive independently as soon as possible. Long Yingtai once said that the so-called relationship between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is to watch his back fade away in this life. In this world, all love has the ultimate goal of gathering, and there is only one kind of love that has the goal of separation, and that is the love of parents for their children. The truly successful love of parents is not to keep their children by their side, but to cultivate their children\’s independence and let them go.