Parents’ wise education is the starting line for children

Because I have children, I have been paying attention to children\’s education in recent years. However, the more parenting books I read, the more anxious and confused I feel. Only recently did I realize that the ultimate path to parenting should be to return to educating yourself. We often say that we should not let our children lose at the starting line. Many parents have a misunderstanding of this sentence. They believe that if they do not lose at the starting line, they must seize all time and opportunities to instill knowledge and skills into their children\’s minds. But in fact, parents A wise mind is the real starting point for children. The best way to \”teach\” is to not \”teach\”. Wise parents are very gentle when educating their children. A lot of education is completed in their own words and deeds, and in the process of heart-to-heart conversations with their children. Teacher Xiao Yu once told the story of Mr. Ye Shengtao in an article: Mr. Ye Shengtao was a great educator. He once wrote a collection of essays to elaborate on the method of composition, but he never taught composition to his own children. He just asked his children to write something every day, and he never set any restrictions on what they could write. They could write whatever they liked: flowers, grass, insects, fish, paths through the mountains, flying kites, fighting crickets, things flying in the sky, things crawling on the ground, things swimming in the water, Listening to people singing, watching people scolding each other… can all be collected in writing. Then, Mr. Ye would use his free time to let his children read to him what they had written that day. When the child is reading the composition, Mr. Ye does not easily say things like \”well written\” and \”poorly written\”. Instead, he often says, \”What does this mean? I don\’t understand.\” Wait for the child to reorganize After the language is finished and Mr. Ye understands it, he will say, \”Oh, so that\’s what it is about, I understand.\” The child will then continue reading. It seems plain and doesn\’t teach much, but in fact there is a lot of knowledge behind it. First of all, Ye Lao believes that writing is to write about one\’s real life, real feelings and experiences. Just capture it truthfully and record it truthfully. Then, why let the child read to him? This is another idea of ​​Mr. Ye’s writing teaching. Ye Lao advocated that what you write should be easy for the ears, that is, it should read smoothly and be easy for the listener to understand. You see, Mr. Ye seems to have taught nothing. In fact, I use my strength secretly. He used his free time to teach his children composition. The wisdom of parents is the greatest blessing for children. This kind of chat-style education has the most significant effect without leaving any trace. The great thinkers and philosophers of ancient times, such as Confucius and Socrates, adopted this kind of chat-based enlightenment education. However, this kind of education seems simple, but in fact it is the most difficult. First of all, parents themselves need to have a relatively complete knowledge structure and a relatively advanced level of thinking. When chatting with their children, they can not only grasp the essence of the problem, not be led by the child, but also inspire their thinking with words that the child can understand. , let the children draw their own conclusions and find solutions to the problems, instead of indoctrinating them wishfully regardless of whether they understand or not. Secondly, parents must have a sufficient understanding of their children, including their children\’s personality characteristics, interests and hobbies, mental level, etc., and be able to teach children in accordance with their aptitude, without forcing or forcing them, and quietly nurturing and influencing their children. Having such wise parents is actually the greatest blessing for children. oppositeCome here, stupid parents not only have shallow knowledge and confused thinking, but also ignore the characteristics of their children, try to encourage their children, and follow what others say. According to teacher Xiao Yu’s words: “I get very anxious when I see other people’s children memorizing a few more ancient Chinese sentences. I immediately sent my child to a Bible reading class. I was even more anxious when I saw other people’s children could speak a few words in English. I immediately sent my children to an English class. I saw other people’s children could play the piano, draw, read, and so on. Knowing that…he wants to enroll in all the interest classes in the world…\” Having such a parent is simply a disaster for the child. Reflecting on myself under exam-oriented education. I have often reflected on myself recently. I am definitely far from a wise person, so am I a stupid parent? Combining my life and work experiences in recent years, I thought about it for a long time and finally came to a conclusion – I am indeed stupid! When I realized this, I couldn\’t accept it at first. After studying for more than ten years, my academic performance has always been among the best, and someone who graduated from a prestigious university actually called me stupid? But who says that people with good academic performance must be smart? Domestic examination-oriented education basically cultivates people\’s primary thinking, that is, memory, understanding and application abilities, while most people lack the advanced thinking abilities of analysis, judgment and evaluation. I am a typical example. I was considered an \”academic master\” who excelled in exams in school. Once I entered the society, I became ordinary and my work was not much better than a person who graduated from junior high school. After taking many detours in my work and family life, I became even more aware of my stupidity and shallowness. One is the lack of independent learning ability. I was used to studying according to textbook outlines, used to answering questions, used to teachers highlighting key points, used to memorizing standard answers, used to taking exams, but since I entered social work, I have been lost and have no idea what to study. I didn\’t know where to start, and after entering the system and doing work that didn\’t require a lot of thinking, I became more and more lazy, living in a muddle all day long. If I hadn\’t encountered confusion in my children\’s education, I might have fallen asleep like this forever. The second is the lack of independent thinking ability. It\’s easy to follow others\’ opinions, thinking that what this person says makes sense, what that person says makes sense, and this is OK and that is OK. The result is that there is no principle in doing things, no bottom line, and it is easy to be led by others. Due to lack of thinking, at work, if the leader does not give instructions, he will not know how to actively optimize the work. When I need to express my opinions and opinions at work, or even just ask questions, I have no clue. Such shortcomings are easy to get away with as long as you are not the leader in the workplace, but when it comes to children\’s education problems, you can\’t get over it anyway. Children are stimulating you all the time. If you don\’t think, have no opinions, and no principles, Children will challenge your bottom line again and again, and you will continue to be coerced by the surrounding environment. Third, the thinking is simple and confusing. Severe unidimensional thinking, seeing problems in black and white and unable to see the essence of the problem. Therefore, when encountering a problem, you will panic and be particularly prone to anxiety. Especially if the thing at hand is a little more complicated, your brain will go blank and you will be completely trapped. In anxiety. And thinking about the problem is simplified,Short-sighted, not forward-looking, and unable to analyze problems systematically, from multiple angles, and from a front-line perspective. Frequent setbacks in life prompted me to constantly reflect. If I hadn’t continued to explore and reflect on my children’s education, I might still be paralyzing myself with the illusion of being a graduate of a prestigious university. Poor mental models have caused me frequent setbacks in life. The year after I gave birth to my eldest son, I suffered from severe depression. Because my child kept getting sick and family conflicts became increasingly prominent, I didn’t know how to deal with it at all, so I completely denied myself, thinking that I was a useless person who could do anything. not good. At that time, I felt that my life was gloomy, but I didn’t know how to change it. I even thought that it was impossible to change. So instead of learning, reflecting and exploring, I started to escape, and even thought about committing suicide every day. Fortunately, the child\’s condition gradually improved, and I gradually devoted myself to the trivial matters of childcare, and the condition naturally recovered. Now, six years later, I have once again denied myself and evaluated my past self as a stupid and useless person. However, this time, I did not escape, but learned angrily and actively explored. Because now I have a higher goal, which is to gain real talents, be a wise mother, and give my children a really good education. Romain Rolland said that a real warrior is one who has the courage to live after recognizing the truth of life. I have never been more determined about my goals than I am now. How can one become wise? It means constantly reading, observing, reflecting, researching, communicating, discussing, asking questions, questioning, writing… and gradually develop your own advanced thinking skills. This learning process is both painful and joyful. The pain is that through continuous reading, observation and reflection, you will become more and more sensitive, aware of problems and pain that ordinary people are difficult to detect; the joy is that your mind will become more and more flexible and understanding. It\’s getting easier and easier. But this kind of effort is definitely worth it. I look forward to one day being able to have long conversations with my grown-up son, like Long Yingtai in \”Dear Andre\”, about ideals, the future, society, family, life… without any barriers. , there is no generation gap, and we can talk about everything. How wonderful is that?