People’s Daily: Don’t waste your children on trivial matters

I work and raise two children. I don’t have an elderly person to help me, and my teammates often travel on business. I can’t be so meticulous in raising my children. I often let myself go and my children too. For example, if a child\’s hair is messy, there are stains on his clothes, he or she is running around the house barefoot, or his shoes are in a mess, he or she won\’t bother to care about the food. They love beauty and are hungry. You can solve it yourself. People\’s Daily said: Don\’t waste your children on trivial matters. Small things will kill a child\’s inner motivation. When Dabao was in second grade, she had to tie her hair by herself. Her hair was thick and hard, and it was easy to mess up. Her hair was like a chicken coop. Seeing her tying her hair, I felt so uncomfortable and scratched my heart, but seeing her proud look of tying her hair, I just followed her. I thought to myself: The consequence of her own piercing is that she looks ugly. At most, others will say that her mother is unreliable, but it will not have a big impact. She tied her hair happily and went out happily, because she could tie her hair and have fun all day long. Gradually, her hair became better and better, and she even kept fussing for many days because she had this skill. As children grow up, there will be many things they want to try, such as eating by themselves, dressing themselves, etc. If these parents do not give their children the opportunity to try, over time, the children will fall into a state of helplessness. , as he grows up, he will feel that he can\’t do anything and give up trying. The child\’s inner motivation, the first of the three stages of early development: the self-pleasure stage. From 0 to 2 years old, a baby is happy when he is held and noticed; he is happy when he sees novel things. He won\’t be worried because he can\’t do anything. At this period, the world of the child only cares about whether he is happy or comfortable. The second stage: seeking recognition and praise. From the age of two, children begin to care about their parents\’ reaction to their performance. When they accomplish something, they will raise their heads and look forward to their parents\’ praise. When he does something wrong, he will avoid it, fearing criticism from his parents. The third stage: the awakening of self-evaluation. From the age of three, children begin to have their own evaluations of what they do. When something is accomplished, they experience a sense of accomplishment and feel proud of themselves. When they do something wrong, they feel defeated and even ashamed of themselves. We parents are bystanders in the growth process of our children and have an important influence on our children\’s inner motivation. What should I do if my child lacks internal motivation? First: Lower the requirements for children Xiaoyi, who is in sixth grade, looks like he has not woken up every day. He is indifferent to external criticism and praise and is unwilling to try anything difficult. Xiaoyi\’s situation is not uncommon among children, and his uncontested appearance makes parents unable to deal with it. Later, Xiaoyi\’s mother deliberately reduced the number of reminders, reasonings, and demands on her children and kept records. After two weeks, the child became much more active, began to take homework seriously, and became more confident in interacting with classmates in class. Second: Stop denying, worrying, controlling, and acting for yourself. Intrinsic motivation means that children do things according to their own wishes. To criticize a child is to deny the child. If you don’t believe that your child can do well, you are just worried. Help your children make choices and follow ourDoing things with ideas is control. Doing things for children that they can do is doing it for them. If a child lives with being criticized and denied for a long time, the child will feel that he can\’t do anything well anyway and lose the motivation to do things. Similarly, if a child is controlled and done for a long time, the child\’s motivation will be completely destroyed. How to increase children\’s internal motivation 1. Make children feel at peace Xuanxuan\’s grades in elementary school were average, but suddenly he got enlightened in the second grade of junior high school. His academic performance soared and he became the dark horse of the whole school. Regardless of his grades, his father is very calm and does not interfere in his child\’s study. The child is happy every day and seems to have no worries. The father lives a calm life, and the children live a stable life. A child with a stable heart can learn deeply when he wants to learn, so he can quickly catch up with most children. We onlookers see that this father does not educate his children very much, but he is better than giving his children pure love, fully accepting them, and giving them a safe psychological space. 2. Protect children’s spirit of exploration. Xiao Ming went for a walk in the park with his mother. Xiao Ming pointed to a bright tulip and asked his mother: \”Mom, why is this flower red?\” The mother replied: \”Because there is a flower called Anthocyanins make flowers appear red.\” Xiao Ming was not satisfied with this answer. He continued to ask: \”Then why does anthocyanins make flowers red and not other colors?\” Mom was asked for a moment. But she didn\’t hesitate and used her mobile phone to check information. She answered Xiao Ming seriously: \”Anthocyanin is a natural pigment that shows different colors at different pH levels. In flowers, it usually appears red because the pH inside the flower is suitable for it to appear red. \”Xiao Ming asked again: \”Then why other flowers are not red, but have various colors?\” Mom smiled and explained: \”Because different flowers contain different pigments, or even if they contain the same pigment, their pH is different. Different, so they will show different colors.\” Xiao Ming was satisfied with this explanation, but his curiosity did not stop. He continued to observe his surroundings and asked new questions. Mom patiently answered each question one by one, and sometimes guided Xiao Ming to find the answer on his own. A person\’s spirit of exploration even determines a person\’s learning ability. Children are born with a spirit of exploration, but due to inappropriate parenting and education methods, the child\’s desire to explore is accidentally wiped out, and the child\’s internal motivation is also destroyed. Don\’t waste your children on trivial matters, because their dreams should not be hampered by unnecessary worries. Don\’t let your children wear down the little things, because their self-confidence should not be eroded by small mistakes. Don\’t waste your children on trivial matters, because their independence should not be taken away by over-protection. Don\’t waste your children on trivial matters, because their future should not be limited by the trivialities of today.