People\’s Daily: Outstanding children are all \”accompanied\”. These four golden rules can be used by parents.

In July 2001, a perfect score essay on \”The Death of Red Rabbit\” was published. This essay is still the model essay in \”China Daily\’s \”The Biggest Inventory of the College Entrance Examination in 40 Years\”. Jiang Xinjie, who wrote this masterpiece, has been talked about by many people. He has been associated with storytelling under the influence of adults since he was a child. At the age of 4, he listened to \”Green Plums Boiled in Wine and Discussing Heroes\” from \”The Romance of the Three Kingdoms\”. When I was studying, I read a lot of classics and knew many plots by heart. After his college entrance examination article became popular, he was interviewed by the media and asked to share his experience in writing for the college entrance examination. Instead, he soberly and calmly warned others not to imitate easily, but to use their own strengths. A stroke of genius in the college entrance examination made him stand out from many students and was admitted to Nanjing Normal University; after graduation, he signed a contract with the China Youth Daily. While working as a reporter, he was not afraid of power and dared to speak and write an article reporting on gutter oil. A nationwide sensation. He used his actions to fulfill his original intention of \”loyalty and integrity\” in his composition. Later, he worked for Alibaba and became Tmall’s Double Eleven spokesperson. Now, his title has become Intime Commercial Assistant President. Jiang Xinjie really shines wherever she goes. Someone commented: \”Excellent people are outstanding throughout their lives.\” Although Jiang Xinjie\’s success is inseparable from his own efforts, it is also inseparable from the support and training of his parents since childhood. There is a saying: \”The biggest way a family can show off its wealth is to raise a child who will be outstanding throughout his life.\” Regarding how to cultivate children who will be outstanding throughout their lives, the People\’s Daily once said: \”Let children assume their own responsibilities, understand their true demands, and respect their children.\” From the four perspectives of \”growing up and cultivating children\’s good habits\”, it summarizes four golden rules of education: Natural Punishment Law. When children make mistakes, wrong punishment methods: verbal punishment, violent punishment, and \”indirect consequence\” punishment. Scientific punishment method: Discuss the matter as it is and let the child bear the direct consequences of doing something wrong. There is a video online of a naughty child mixing rice and mung beans sold in the supermarket because of his playful curiosity. When the mother saw it, she didn\’t scold her too much. Instead, she bought all the rice and mung beans that had been mixed and asked her children to pick them out one by one. British educationist Herbert Spencer once said in his work: \”In the process of raising children, parents should use more natural education methods and less artificial punishment.\” The \”natural punishment\” here refers to Children bear the \”direct consequences\” of their mistakes. For example, when meal time comes, the child is still playing games and cannot move. If you miss the meal time, you will be hungry. And \”artificial punishment\” means making children bear \”indirect consequences.\” For example, if a child doesn\’t eat, his parents tell him that if he doesn\’t eat, the child won\’t be allowed to play basketball on weekends. There is no direct relationship between not eating on time and playing basketball. \”Direct consequences\” allow children to realize their mistakes in time, but \”indirect consequences\” will arouse children\’s rebelliousness. In a program of \”Round Table School\”, Professor Li Meijin once said: \”Punishment is actually a kind of protection.\” After a child makes a mistake, if he can immediately experience the consequences of the mistake, then this matter will be in his mind The memory will be very deep, and naturally the scar will not heal and forget the pain. \”Penalty\”The purpose is to \”stop\”. Natural punishment is to allow children to reflect and correct their behavior after bearing the direct consequences, instead of not daring to make more mistakes just because of fear. Nanfeng\’s Law When a child has a problem, Wrong education method: only focus on wrong behavior. Scientific education method: understand the real motivation behind wrong behavior and solve the root cause of the problem. His mother pays more attention to his younger brother, and coupled with his academic difficulties, he always thinks that his mother doesn\’t love him. At a young age, he doesn\’t know how to express his helplessness, so he can only use it once. This was a rebellious act to win the attention of his mother. After his parents got divorced, the husband mistakenly thought that his mother was going to abandon him, so he sent his parents and younger brother away and tried to commit suicide by setting fire to him. All the grievances poured out. Only then did the mother have the answer to all his previous rebellious behaviors. It turned out that he had always misunderstood that the mother only loved his younger brother. It turned out that the seemingly excellent eldest son was not confident in himself. All he ever wanted was his mother\’s attention and love. After reflecting on herself sadly, the mother expressed her love and care for him over and over again. The two finally reconciled with each other after clearing up their misunderstanding. There is a saying: “Behind every negative behavior, there is a positive motivation. \”Children who are addicted to the Internet may want to escape the pressure of the real world; children who always stay in their rooms may want to have their own space; children who are rebellious may want to fight against their parents\’ control or seek their parents\’ attention… Behind every seemingly negative behavior of a child, there may be a positive need that has been ignored. The best way to solve the problem is not to fight the problem itself. When a child has a problem, parents can be more \”Southern\”. Role, be more patient and understanding; get closer to the child and \”listen\” to the child\’s real demands. The law of respect: the wrong way of respecting: only respecting the ideas we recognize. The scientific way of respecting. : Accept all your children’s ideas, but please don’t criticize them. Previously, a mother filmed a conversation between herself and her son: The little boy asked his mother, what if he was admitted to Tsinghua University? Proud of him. The boy asked his mother again, what if he baked sweet potatoes? After hearing the child\’s \”wish\”, the mother smiled and said congratulations on the child\’s new wish. The mother also guided the child, since he wants sweet potatoes. It must be baked to be fragrant, soft, sweet and delicious. As long as she does this, she will be proud of her children. Children\’s dreams are changeable. If those \”unrealistic\” dreams in childhood can be recognized by their parents. Encouragement. Then when children grow up and have new dreams in their studies, they will be able to boldly pursue their true dreams in life. In psychology, there is a word called \”significant others\”, which refers to the role of individual socialization and development. Specific figures who have an important influence on the formation of psychological personality. Parents are the children\’s leaders during their growth.\”Significant Others\”. The choices and thoughts towards children, and the attitude of parents will have a subtle impact on their children. When a child puts forward his or her own idea, even if it is somewhat incompatible with your plan for the child, please agree first, because a child\’s growth is a process of change, and ideas and choices will iterate as experience increases. What he thinks at the moment may not necessarily determine his life, but your attitude towards his thoughts at the moment may affect his life. Respect is the recognition of children as independent individuals. A child who is respected by his parents at all times can feel his own existence and recognition more clearly. When the law of reinforcement helps children develop habits, the wrong way to develop habits is to force children to continue to do one thing. Scientific way of cultivating habits: Let children understand the purpose of developing good habits, and guide children to actively cultivate habits. Also, in the process of cultivating habits, children can continue to feel their progress through periodic positive feedback. When my daughter was young, I helped her develop the habit of reading. I made an agreement with her to read for half an hour before meals every day. At first, she did pretty well, but then she couldn\’t hold on anymore. Until one time, I was watching a documentary with her, and she asked me why the person explaining the documentary knew so much. I said because he has read a lot of books and has a lot of knowledge in his stomach. Unexpectedly, after listening to my words, my daughter ran to the bookshelf to browse the books, and said to me: \”Mom, I also want to be a knowledgeable person.\” Since then, I often deliberately strengthen knowledge in front of her. Importance, in this process, there is also a saying, intentionally or unintentionally, that if you want to become a knowledgeable person, you need to read more. Sure enough, my daughter resumed the habit of reading for half an hour after school. In fact, the key point in this matter is that the child has a clear goal for reading. When she knows what results this habit will bring, she will take the initiative to do it without me urging her. . We often say, why is it difficult to develop habits for children? In fact, it is difficult to persist. The purpose of cultivating habits is to make children persist, but those who cannot persist are often the process of cultivating habits. What really motivates a child to continue doing something is because in his heart he believes that doing so is the right thing to do and that he can achieve his goal by doing so. Let the children understand why they do this? What does this bring? By strengthening this habit with a purpose, the child will naturally have the motivation to stick to the good habit. When habits become orderly instincts, persistence becomes natural. Written at the end: Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, once said: \”Only when parents\’ education methods are qualified can children be truly outstanding.\” Parents are the starting point for children. When a child makes a mistake, if we can control ourselves from getting angry, prevent the current mistake from involving other things, and guide the child to learn from the mistake; when a child has a problem, if we can not focus only on the problem, Instead, work with your children to find out the root cause of the problem and solve it; when the child\’s choice is inconsistent with our expectations, if we can restrain our opinions and respect the child\’s wishes; when cultivating habits for the child, if we can Instead of forcing him to repeat an \”action\”, guide himChildren clearly understand the significance of cultivating good habits. Then I believe that each of our children can grow up to be more confident, sunny, and happy. There is a saying: \”Parents are the mirror of their children, and children are the shadow of their parents.\” The best education ultimately comes from precepts and deeds. No education method can be as good as parents treating themselves as education. Only when parents\’ knowledge and actions are united can their children learn the same.