Please don’t be a humble parent and raise your children smaller and smaller

Starting in September, I will work as a parent volunteer teaching assistant in the early childhood education class that Little D attended before. Little D no longer attends the class. I will spend one afternoon every week working with the teachers in the early childhood education class to teach a new group of children. This early childhood education class is affiliated with Little D’s current kindergarten, so the teachers are very professional. There are also many teaching assistants who are normal students, which is equivalent to an internship opportunity, and I learned a lot from following it. There is a 2-and-a-half-year-old girl in the early childhood education class this semester. She has a particularly strong sense of self. She can even be called a \”little bully\” in the eyes of outsiders. In her first class, she only had toys that she liked during free time, and she was determined not to allow others to touch them. When faced with the teacher\’s reminders, she just turned away. If anything didn\’t go her way, she would definitely cry and yell to get everyone to give in. The teacher in charge of the early childhood education class is very experienced and of course cannot compromise easily. However, this situation did not improve as the early childhood education class progressed. When we were summarizing after class, the teacher in charge, Sarah, suggested that we need to meet with the parents. This situation cannot be solved by weekly early childhood education classes and needs to be discussed with the parents. making plans. The specific discussion of plans is actually nothing new. The core idea is also mentioned repeatedly on my previous official account, \”firmly implement the rules and give maximum freedom within the rules.\” I have also written articles and shared many methods on my previous official account ( See the recommended reading at the end of today’s article). What impressed me deeply that day was the scene after the teacher and parents had finished talking. The girl’s father asked the little girl to say goodbye to us. The little girl turned away as usual and pulled her father out. At this time, this 1.8-meter-tall American man said to his daughter in a very cute and even cute tone, \”Honey, would you like to say goodbye to the teachers? Just say it once, okay? Let\’s go back after that. Is that okay? Daddy loves you!\” When I heard this conversation, I probably understood why this little girl behaved so \”overbearingly\”. Sure enough, I saw Sarah wink at us and let us continue playing in the house with the little girl, and then she took the father out to talk for a while. After they left, Sarah shared with us that her advice to the father was to use a firm tone of voice and use statements and affirmations for things that his children had to do, rather than using requests for everything. What you indulge in will continue forever. Sarah\’s words made me smile knowingly. It reminds me of an incident that happened when I was less than 1 year old. At that time, I was also a new mother and read a lot of parenting books. Most of the core ideas were to give children enough love and respect them. I also practiced this at the time. One day, Little D\’s cognitive teacher was playing with her, and I needed to go to the bathroom, so I said to Little D, \”Little D, mommy, can you go to the bathroom?\” This seemingly ordinary sentence was misunderstood. The teacher corrected me. Don\’t use questioning sentences. Tell the child directly that I have to go to the toilet and you and the teacher can play together for a while. I was very confused at the time, is there any difference? And I feel like using interrogative sentences seems to be more respectful to children? The cognitive teacher asked me, what ifIf Xiao D tells you, no, what will you do next? Are you really not going? Or try to convince her with all your words? To this day, I still remember these rhetorical questions from the cognitive teacher. They made me understand my long-standing confusion at that time: Where is the boundary between loving and respecting children and disciplining children according to rules? As a new generation of parents, we have all learned too much about the educational philosophy of \”love and freedom.\” In reality, I have also seen too many parents who want to be friends with their children and want to respect their children enough. However, we have forgotten that the premise of respect is mutuality and reciprocity. When giving children enough respect, we also need to teach children to respect others, including parents themselves. Baby, we need to sit down and eat while we eat, don\’t run around, okay? Baby, let’s not watch TV, okay? Baby, let’s not eat chocolate before going to bed, okay? Baby, this is someone else’s toy, shall we give it back to her? Baby, can you stop hitting people? Such questions seem to be \”respect\”, but in fact they give up the rights of parents. When we adults do not have firm ideas and determination to implement them, such questions just convey a message to children, and there is an opportunity! \”Since you are asking me if it is okay, then I will tell you with my own actions, and I will choose the way I like.\” What we see next is a tug-of-war between parents and children. One side is reasonable and the other is crying and protesting. In most cases, the losers are the exhausted parents, \”Forget it, stop crying, then this time This won’t happen next time.” And one \”I can do it this time\” turns into many \”I can do it this time\”. Gradually, the children understand that their parents are actually very unstable, and their own crying can destroy the last bit of their parents\’ determination. Loving a child is not only about respect and freedom, but also about having boundaries and norms, letting him know that the world does not completely revolve around him, and letting him understand the laws of the natural world. Only in this way, when this child enters the group society Only then can you experience greater freedom. A child who is allowed to disrespect his parents will not respect the large and excessive respect of others, causing parents to live more and more humble lives and to raise their children smaller and smaller. What is said in parenting books, giving more affirmation to children and saying less no, never means fulfilling all the children’s desires. On the contrary, it means that parents need to reflect on themselves where the boundaries of our discipline are. For me, I divide Little D’s things into two categories: my own things that do not affect others; my own things that are related to others. I will give my child more autonomy and let her make her own decisions when it comes to her own affairs and not to disturb other people\’s affairs; but for those things that are basic social norms or things that should be done in the first place, I need to give firm affirmations. It’s not just parenting skills, it’s the attitude that secures our place as parents. At first, little D will definitely resist by crying, but I will implement it firmly and let her understand that \”no\” is a very serious word. When my mother really says it, it means that she will do what she says. And I would also tell her why I said \”no.\” Afraid that the child will be angry, unable to handle the child\’s out-of-control emotions, and even commit suicideParents who lose control of themselves will only let their children live in a chaotic sense of right and wrong. The so-called \”respect\” should never exist in this form. Sometimes our firm “no” brings our children a more certain future and a more mature life. There is an intermediate value between doting and violence, which is called firmness and principle, firmness and principle with love! \”Love and respect\” does not mean \”I am OK with you no matter how you are\”, but \”No matter how you are not OK, I will guide you firmly and gently. Because I love you so much, I can\’t bear for you to keep making mistakes like this.\” Only by loving your children completely, guiding them regularly, and disciplining them appropriately can you give your children a solid foundation and a pair of free wings. (Please note how often the underlines are bolded) While we give our children a lot of respect, please remember to also teach your children to respect others, including ourselves. Please don’t be a humble parent and raise your children smaller and smaller!