Please hug this crying child

A long time ago. I think it was two years ago, when Xiao Xiaoyu was more than three years old. Sometimes, I take him to take a nap with me. However, the very worst thing is that he always cries when he wakes up and finds that I am not around. He would cry very hard, probably to express his anger, but he couldn\’t say, \”Why aren\’t you here!\” Because at that time, I would often wake up in the middle of the night to do some housework or deal with some work matters. matter. When I was anxious, I let him continue crying, thinking that he would stop crying if he found crying boring. Unexpectedly, the more I cried, the harder I cried. \”What do you want to do? Why are you crying?\” Questions like this always have to be answered. I remember one day, instead of asking him, I picked him up and took him to do things together. He sat in my arms and watched me typing on the keyboard. Do you think it’s funny and stop crying? \”Are you angry because you didn\’t see dad?\” He nodded. \”Would it feel better if dad hugs you?\” He nodded. Just a simple hug can really help. Because not being able to find relatives after waking up will make children feel insecure. Therefore, parents’ hugs can calm children down. Later, this method was used to solve the problem. But as he grows up, I wonder if he should give up so many hugs. Especially for boys, shouldn’t they be given a more “tough” side instead of always being slimy? Indeed, many of his performances are really not good enough for the image of a boy in our minds. So my wife often tells me, \”Look, he always likes to cry. Why is he so fragile? I think he is too spoiled.\” In kindergarten, when faced with some challenging projects, such as crossing a single-plank bridge or pushing a tire, he was very careful. Girls need to be more cautious, so the teacher said to me: \”The little guy is really a bit conservative!\” Doesn\’t it mean that children raised by fathers will be braver? These performances made me suspicious. So I started going out of my way to be a little tougher. There will be more orders similar to military training. \”Get up quickly! I\’ll give you two minutes.\” As a result, when he was taking a nap at home, he rolled around on the bed. Of course he got up in the end, but he looked listless and depressed. One day, he started crying while taking a nap. Was it a nightmare? Do you feel like you are in an empty world and can\’t find your parents? …I\’d better be soft-hearted and ask. So I asked him patiently instead of in a commanding tone. \”Why are you in such a bad mood today?\” He said nothing. But it is obviously more effective than what I said before. In the past, I might have said: \”Stop crying, you are not a baby anymore! You can\’t always be like a baby!\” Or, \”There is no point in crying!\” Next I said, \”Come, daddy, give you a hug!\” Unexpectedly, he looked up at me in surprise and stretched out his two little hands. I felt again that he was still my little child. All he wants is a hug from his dad. Sure enough, after a minute, nothing happened. He sat quietly in my arms for a minute, blowing on the fan. Then I said to him: \”Dad is going to the kitchen to prepare dishes. Do you want dad to teach you how to cook a dish?\” \”I don\’tI know how to cook, because I can’t cut, I can only wash, and I can’t stir-fry. \”It doesn\’t matter. Dad will teach you how to chop vegetables and how to make a dish that doesn\’t require frying.\” \”What kind of food?\” \”Let\’s make steamed pork!\” Try cooking the first dish in your life! \”\”OK! \”Then that afternoon, I taught him how to cut the meat in the kitchen, then add salt, mix the flour, put it in the pot with him, and told him to steam it for 15 minutes. That night, we sweetly shared the first dish he made. Food. In the past, I couldn’t even imagine that he would adjust his emotions in this situation and actively engage in a challenge. Why is this? Wilde said, \”Let children have good conduct.\” The best way is to make them happy. \”It is very appropriate to use it here. If you usually say that making children happy can improve their behavior? Then why let children play games and watch TV to make them happy, but why do they let children get bad habits? Of course, This is a wrong way of raising children, and it has nothing to do with this sentence. To make children happy, truly feel happy from the heart. It requires the recognition and respect of parents, and a sense of security. Therefore, when faced with children who are angry about getting out of bed, You angrily suppress his emotions and make him submissive, but you can\’t let the child obtain this psychological energy. I feel that between parents and children, emotions are constantly exchanged. There will be a very mysterious connection between parents and children. It produces a special feeling. It\’s like we feel very comfortable when we are with some people, but we can\’t stay with some people for a moment. In the parent-child relationship, this feeling will be more profound. Therefore, pleasant feelings or bad feelings will be many times stronger. If parents cannot recognize their children\’s feelings and respect their children\’s needs, then the children will lose their temper endlessly and want to get your emotional feedback. If you still choose Not giving feedback, or pushing him back directly, is a sign of despair for the child. Because a young child has no ability to argue with you, or even express his true feelings. I still remember the last time I ate in a restaurant. It was almost two o\’clock in the afternoon. A little girl about three years old was crying loudly in the aisle. I looked over and thought the child was lost. I saw a grandmother holding a little baby and saying to the young waiter beside her: \”Don\’t worry about it. She\’ll be fine if she cries. \”Then the little girl was stamping her feet and crying. The child\’s mother was packing food. She must still be breastfeeding and had to take care of the newly born baby. She also ignored the little girl\’s cries. She cried even more. It was loud. Several brothers came over to comfort her, but her aunt came over to pull her. The uncle still said, \”Leave her alone.\” Just let her cry and you coddle her, and she will do this often in the future. \”Fortunately, my aunt was patient and took her to her mother\’s side. After a while, the crying subsided. I don\’t know why the girl was crying? But during those 10 minutes, her parents came over to give her a hug. Grandma and uncle gave her some understanding. I don’t think she would cry like that. Because in the middle aisle of the hotel, she was crying while carefully looking at the people coming and going. At that time, she should have felt like On top of the iceberg, there is no onePeople knelt down to comfort her and understand her, but no one took her home. Fortunately, her aunt helped her, and she returned to her beloved home to calm down. Such an experience once or twice will not have a big impact on the child. If it is because of the arrival of a second baby, the family often chooses to ignore the girl\’s feelings. Then this girl\’s heart will definitely be hurt. My wife said, \”Look, do you still dare to have a second child? I don\’t want to do this, I can\’t even think about it.\” \”Just give birth! I promise I will go over and pick up the baby!\” But when I thought about it seriously, it was not so easy. Woolen cloth. In addition to taking time, how much patience is needed to understand children! Am I not still making mistakes? I often say to Xiao Xiaoyu, \”You are a big kid, so what should you do?\” In fact, when I say these words, I still bring some of my own subjective consciousness. And ignore the real psychological needs of children. So, just this past weekend. When I woke up my son, I didn\’t say anything else. But he just said: \”Get up quickly! Dad will hold you for a minute.\” Without thinking, he quickly got up and got into my arms. We think that our children have grown up and we want to push them away a little. Be careful not to push too hard. Children still yearn for their parents’ hugs in their hearts. And what are we rejecting? What are you afraid of? Especially when raising boys, why do you put so many colored glasses on yourself? Being a parent is really a practice.