Poor boys are the most hurtful!

Last weekend, I took my son to the mall to buy him some summer clothes. Various children\’s clothing stores are filled with beautiful clothes. But almost two-thirds of the place was hung with girls\’ clothes. When it comes to finding clothes for boys, there really aren’t many opportunities to choose. \”Why do boys always have so few clothes?\” \”Girls love to be beautiful! People want to dress beautifully, and everyone is willing to spend money on girls.\” The salesperson replied jokingly. An elder sister next to me immediately came up with a classic summary: \”You don\’t know! Boys have to be raised in poverty!\” \”Does a son have to be raised in poverty?\” Many mothers have asked me. I look at this little guy in front of me. He chooses clothes and shoes that he likes, is comfortable to wear, safe and healthy. He doesn\’t look for big brands or search for them. My answer is that boys should not be raised poor. Just because they are boys, we cannot deliberately create a sense of lack or cry poverty to them. \”Sons should be raised poor, daughters should be raised rich\” is a parenting saying that has been circulated among Chinese people. But if you blindly raise a boy in poverty, will you eventually get a sensible and thrifty boy as you wish? My nephew told me some little stories about his school days. He said that one time, he invited his classmates to eat hand cakes, and the classmates actually said that they had never eaten anything so delicious. The classmate also said that he wanted to eat, but his mother always told him not to buy it, because it was too expensive. This boy\’s family owns a restaurant near the school, and the conditions at home are actually quite good. However, his parents said they wanted to raise the boy in poverty, so the child was taught to be extremely frugal. Other students may have a few pieces of pocket money, but he always has one piece. But he is also a greedy little cat. So he would often pester his classmates and ask them to spend money to buy him food. If anyone didn\’t buy something for him, he would break up the relationship, which made his classmates no longer want to play with him. Once, I encouraged a classmate to go to the supermarket to steal something, but the classmate told her mother, so she didn\’t do anything wrong. When visiting a friend\’s house, he would often sweep away all the fruits and snacks on the host\’s table, and by the way, he would quietly grab some and take them away in his pocket. When having dinner parties, they always fill up the dishes with delicious dishes and eat them without restraint. Faced with this, his mother didn\’t say anything, but often heard her say: \”My son must be poor.\” In the eyes of many parents, the purpose is to let their children have this awareness, \”Go and grab it! Don\’t suffer a loss. Society is very cruel. Especially boys, even more so!\” However, such poor upbringing makes children lose their education. The sense of deprivation in childhood will affect the child\’s life. Psychoanalytic psychology points out that the childhood parent-child relationship is internalized into the child\’s internal relationship model, which will affect the child\’s life-long personality and destiny. It is difficult for parents who care about everything to raise well-rounded children. In childhood, if parents have the concept of being poor, they will make their children feel lacking and expect their children to feel that life is not easy. As a result, the child\’s heart seems to be filled with lead, and he will appear stingy and sensitive when dealing with others. I often tell my son, \”Whatever you want, just say it boldly.\” \”If your needs are not excessive and I can meet them, I will definitely satisfy you.\” Many mothers ask me whether I should meet some of their children\’s requirements. For example, he always wants to buy a car. He already has a lot of cars at home, but he still doesn’t want to buy one. What should he do? For example, a child wants a tablet, but heI don’t want to buy it for him, so how can I tell him? We need to see the needs of our children. And you can\’t just look at the surface, but why are they like this? There are many needs that are just a whim, and some needs are a projection from the heart. Of course, parents must meet the emotional needs of their children and respond to them. Because children\’s emotions are not responded to by their parents, it is like being in an endless wilderness, creating a huge sense of nothingness and even being unable to confirm their own existence. Many of the material needs are actually reasonable, but parents feel they need to exercise their power to control their children. Many of these controls are actually redundant. Perhaps the parents themselves were traumatized when they were children, and now they are jumping out to harm their children. For example, parents who are poor in their hearts did not live a happy life when they were children. Instead, they were made things difficult for them everywhere, so now they have to compete with their children to make them feel unhappy. Therefore, when children make demands, be sure not to reject them too dogmatically. Look more at your children’s real thoughts and your own inner thoughts. Try to meet the child\’s reasonable needs and even give the child some surprises. Once, I took Xiao Xiaoyu to the supermarket. He walked around the freezer area for a long time, and finally hesitantly said to me, \”Dad, I want it!\” \”You tell me, daddy listens!\” In fact, I knew he wanted to buy popsicles. \”I want to buy popsicles!\” \”Okay, let\’s go take a look.\” After opening the cabinet door, I took a box of popsicles and said to him: \”Actually, you can also eat popsicles at this time, as long as you don\’t eat too many at once. , just buy a box, one stick is too few, not enough to eat!\” I saw his expression of disbelief. I also often take him to buy fruit. He himself would ask me the prices of various fruits. He likes to eat mangosteen and I like to eat durian, but neither is cheap. So for a while, when I saw Taozi doing activities, I said, \”Peaches are so cheap, one pound of mangosteen can buy 6 pounds of peaches!\” After hearing this, my son said, \”Dad, how about we eat more peaches in the future?\” Right!\” \”Why?\” \”Because it\’s much cheaper!\” \”It\’s okay! You like to eat mangosteen, no matter how expensive your dad is, he will let you eat it. When you grow up, you can earn money to buy it yourself, or you can buy some for yourself. Dad eats it.\” At this time, he turned on the \”future mode\” and said that he would build a house like a mangosteen in the future! It’s time to plant a big mangosteen tree! …Remember to always give your children some little surprises. They really don’t want much. Especially when I was young, maybe eating something delicious and having my parents play with me was the greatest happiness. Parents must give their children a kind of affirmation: affirm your legitimate desires and needs, and can satisfy yours, because you deserve good things, and I hope you can be happy. At the same time, parents must also be honest. If some needs cannot be met, you can tell your children directly, \”I can\’t do it.\” There is no need to sigh and cry about poverty, and there is no need to secretly save money to raise a \”second-generation rich\” child. Letting children know that their parents are not perfect is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it can help children understand that everyone has shortcomings, and parents are no exception. If they cannot satisfy themselves, it does not mean that they do not love, but that they lack ability. And what can I do? childYou will think for yourself. It\’s better than foolishly enjoying a mirage. No matter what the conditions are, we must nourish the spirit of our children. Because even if the family is in financial difficulty, even if they are hungry, as long as the atmosphere at home is cheerful and there is constant laughter, the children will not think that they are very unfortunate. On the contrary, those parents who sigh and complain about their children all day long only want to make their children suffer throughout their lives. Please don\’t raise boys poor because it hurts. And when they grow up, they will become a father. I hope they can follow their true intentions, treat themselves well, feel that they deserve a better life, and pursue a higher level of life.