Praise and encourage your children, what parents with high emotional intelligence should do

Parents who do not recognize their children will only push each other further and further away. In the movie \”Lady Bird\”, which was nominated for the Oscar for Best Picture, high school student Lady Bird wants to go to college in a big city. My mother said: \”You can\’t pass the exam anyway.\” She also gave a series of blows: \”You can\’t even get a driver\’s license.\” \”Why did I raise you to be such a snob?\” \”With your virtue, you can go A city university would be good.\” This kind of education is called \”percussive education.\” The daughter who was sitting in the passenger seat finally couldn\’t stand the constant sarcasm, so she immediately took off her seat belt and jumped out of the fast-moving car. Mother screamed. My daughter’s hand was broken. The mother\’s repeated blows and denials to her daughter will only push them further and further away. Don\’t mothers love their daughters? No, of course she loves her daughter. It\’s just that the more you love, the easier it is to be unscrupulous. The starting point of parents is to love their children. It was only because of my limited cognitive level or the influence of past experiences that I chose this wrong percussive education. Most parents are accustomed to percussive education. Song Dandan is also good at percussive education. In \”Longing for Life\”, she frequently complained about her son. When she saw other people\’s children making breakfast for everyone, Song Dandan said, \”I gave birth to a waste, and you can\’t do anything. Look at this family.\” When Batu wanted to help build a chicken coop, she said, \”You want to If you can build this chicken coop, I think you have raised this child in vain.\” She even said: \”Tell the Civil Affairs Bureau that I will replace him with a son.\” Seeing that Batu\’s toes were inflamed, she said impatiently: \”You Stop picking, your hands are so annoying!\” \”You did it yourself, right? You liked to chew your own feet when you were a child.\” When everyone was praising and encouraging Batu, Song Dandan only had one sentence: \”It\’s impossible for my son.\” His son Batu said: \”Mother\’s complaints are more choking than smoke.\” This series of blows made the audience across the screen feel sorry for Batu. In fact, Song Dandan is a typical Chinese parent. Ridicule, sarcasm, and blows are their usual methods of educating their children. They give little praise and recognition to their children. \”Why are you so stupid? You don\’t know how to do this?\” \”Look who\’s child is much better than you.\” \”It\’s useless, you are far worse than I was when I was a kid!\” There are even worse things… …This kind of education is called “percussive education.” Behind every blow, there are hidden the tears shed by many people when they were young. Percussive education can easily cause children to deny themselves. Whether in future study and work, or even in love or family, they will unconsciously have self-doubt. In a highly competitive society, if even parents are stingy in appreciating and praising their children, where can their children get encouragement? From Percussive Education to Appreciative Education Fortunately, when Song Dandan Batu and her son returned in the second season of \”Longing for Life\”, Song Dandan\’s attitude towards his son Batu has obviously improved a lot. From being picky and dismissive of his son in the first season to recognizing and encouraging his son. After Batu finished making the scarecrow independently, she praised Batu for being great. When Batu and Dahua sang together, she listened carefully and said \”it sounds very good\”. Song Dandan\’s love for his son BatuThe peremptory education was transformed into an appreciation education for his son. It can be seen that the relationship between mother and son has undergone a major reversal. Batu became more confident and calm. Instead, he teases his mother from time to time. Mother sang folk songs, and Batu laughed and complained, \”This is a sunset show.\” The \”last hit\” skill made netizens couldn\’t help but sigh, \”This is really his son!\” Someone once said: praise him in whatever direction you want him to be. Eventually, he will become what you say he is, or at least he will be very close to the image you expected. The premise is that you must be a very important person to him, a parent or a lover, and he also values ​​your expectations. How to carry out appreciation education for children ● Appreciation of children must be sincere. The best part of appreciation education is nature. Praising children must be natural and from the heart, so that children do not feel that it is praise and encouragement from their parents, but that they are stating an objective fact. Appreciating children\’s intelligence is not as good as appreciating children\’s hard work. Let children realize that hard work is more important in the process of doing something well. ●Appreciating children When appreciating children in a specific way, don’t say the same things like “You are great, you are amazing!” but should be implemented in specific behavioral details. \”You put away your toys much faster today than yesterday. You have made progress, which is great!\” \”I find that you are more patient in doing things now. You are not impatient or impatient. Keep up the good work!\” \”You sing very well, especially That\’s that line, and it\’s so well sung! I can\’t even sing that line, please teach me.\” ●Appreciate children in moderation. If a child gets praise from others at every turn, then the child will undoubtedly become addicted to appreciation. Therefore, one cannot appreciate a child too often. Rather, you can appreciate your children as long as they make progress. Children will gradually become conscious and want to do better and make progress. ●Appreciating children does not mean that you cannot criticize, but you should criticize them appreciatively. Children will inevitably make mistakes, big and small, on the road to growth. When children behave badly, we must criticize them, but we should use appreciative criticism. Before criticizing the child, we must first affirm the child. The son clamored to make milk by himself, but the milk spilled all over the table. I suppressed the small volcano that was about to explode in my heart and said to him: \”You did a good job on the first try. It\’s just that the method is wrong. First hold the handle of the cup, and then stir it gently with a spoon. The milk will not It spilled. Try again. Mom believes you can do better than before.\” When the son brewed the milk again, he was careful and the milk never spilled again. The meaning of criticism is to guide children to do better next time and not make mistakes again. Instead of yelling and scolding, this will not solve the problem of the child making mistakes again. Appreciative criticism gives children the feeling that although I didn’t do a good job, my parents still recognize me. The most essential need in human nature is the desire to be respected and appreciated, and every child needs to be appreciated. Carnegie once said: \”The way to maximize people\’s abilities is to praise and encourage.\” The most essential need in human nature is the desire to be respected and appreciated. Parents carefully observe their children, respect and understand their children\’s feelings and needs, and cheer for their children. Cheer up, this is true appreciation education.