Praising children is a technical job

\”Good kids are praised for their reputation?\” People who only tell you this are actually very irresponsible. Because he didn’t tell you how to praise him? If you praise the wrong person, it will only be counterproductive. My son is in the first grade of junior high school this year. Before that, he had always been a sunny, lively and cheerful middle school student. But after just two months of junior high school life, his state of mind changed a lot. Last night I told my son that his recent practice needed to be strengthened, but my tone was a bit unpleasant when I said it. So after saying that, I felt a little regretful. Just yesterday, my class teacher and I asked him about his performance in school, and the teacher praised him. So I told him: \”Your head teacher praised you.\” As a result, he folded his arms, squinted his eyes and said disdainfully: \”Tch.\” I was speechless at the time – what the hell? Are you still not happy when I praise you? So I asked him: \”What exactly do you want me to do to you?\” After a long time, he said softly: \”I think you are mocking me.\” After hearing this, I immediately took out my phone and sent the teacher\’s message Show him my words. He immediately hugged me and cried. Watching him cry, I felt sour in my heart and couldn\’t help but shed tears: \”After my child entered junior high school, he was criticized several times by me and the teacher for some objective issues. Moreover, he had more homework and had to take breaks and The time for playing has been compressed, and there is nowhere to vent my inner depression.\” So, didn\’t I praise him during this time? Of course I did. But it did not achieve the expected effect, but the teacher\’s few words made him burst into tears. This is why? I think there are several reasons: 1. As he grows up, the things that can give him a sense of accomplishment have changed, and the old praises are no longer effective. A one-year-old child deserves praise for walking steadily. If you praise a ten-year-old child for walking well, he will think there is something wrong with you. As we grow older, many things that were once worthy of praise have now become taken for granted. 2. The attention and affirmation from his family are no longer the main body of his needs, and he has begun to break away from the family and become independent. Regardless of whether the child is old or young, praise that is too subjective will not help the child\’s growth, such as \”You are awesome.\” Children will cheer for this sentence because their minds are still highly bound to their families. However, this kind of subjective recognition from the family will gradually weaken as the children grow up. Many parents turn compliments like \”You\’re awesome\” into a mantra. But there are no objective facts to support it. For a child, this is the subjective evaluation of the family. As the child grows up, his world becomes bigger, and the family gradually becomes a part of him instead of everything. Then the effectiveness of the praise from the family will naturally decrease or even disappear. . For children – \”I love you\” is unconditional, but \”you are great\” must clearly explain \”what is great\” so that the child\’s sense of achievement and ability can be linked to objective facts, so as not to appear nihilistic. . 3. The proportion of academic work has increased. Parents and teachers attach great importance to learning, which also makes him urgently need more sense of achievement from learning. At this time, no amount of praise may bring as much sense of accomplishment to the child as solving a difficult problem. After entering junior high school, examination subjects increase, and children need toThere are more problems to overcome, but time and energy are limited. There is no need to deliberately change it, their attention will shift more to their studies. At this time, their sense of achievement comes more from the enhancement of their learning ability. My son is very representative. As a Puwa, it is difficult for him to adapt to the transition from primary school to junior high school. A few months ago, \”naughty\” behavior was considered normal behavior in the eyes of primary school teachers, but a few months later it was worthy of a junior high school teacher calling parents to complain. The time for playing has become less. In order to be able to play for a while every day, I only focus on speed, not quality, in my homework. As a result, I have been complained by teachers in all subjects. The content of the study has also become more difficult. Even though I have worked hard, I can\’t see an improvement in my grades in a short period of time, and I feel frustrated. It can be seen that the source of his current sense of accomplishment is almost all in the category of learning. Therefore, one compliment from the teacher is better than a hundred compliments from me. But after all, teachers face dozens or even hundreds of students and cannot pay attention to the children at all times. Moreover, junior high school teachers agree that there are many things that students should do. If students do it, it is their duty, and if they fail to do it, points will be deducted. Therefore, teachers’ reasons for praising children become fewer and more specific. Therefore, parents should be a good bridge between teachers and students at this time. On the one hand, they should let their children understand why the teacher \”cannot pay attention to my progress?\”; on the other hand, they should actively ask the teacher about their children\’s school situation and promptly report the teacher\’s information to them. \”Praise\” is conveyed to the child. Summary: Parents should correctly understand the phrase \”good children are praised for their reputation\”. First, praise the child\’s objective ability growth instead of subjective evaluation. Second, don’t avoid criticism and education. If you do something wrong, you deserve to be criticized. After education, you will grow. No one goes through life without making mistakes. But when the child does the same thing right next time, he must be praised in time. From \”criticism to praise\”, the sense of achievement brought to children is doubled.