Psychologists reveal the key to your child\’s mental health is that you do this

There is a topic on Weibo: Your excessive expectations for your children are actually a kind of harm. This sentence resonated with many people, who all recounted their experiences of being overwhelmed by their parents’ expectations. One netizen’s experience is heartbreaking. She said: \”Neither of my parents are highly educated, so they put all their regrets on her.\” Since she was in elementary school, her mother has been a professional tutor. She needs to study under the care of her mother every day, and her parents are not allowed to touch TV, games and entertainment. Once her test scores fall out of the top three, her mother will scold her in front of her classmates and say: Are you worthy of us? She would be scolded if she didn\’t choose to be a cadre at work; she would be scolded if she didn\’t join the student union; she would be scolded for a long time even if she wrote a wrong question… She was originally introverted, but her parents forced her to become more and more depressed. Although I have been admitted to a 985 university, I still feel at a loss in my heart, so I have become more and more depressed, and now I don’t even want to say a word to my parents. Every child\’s psychological problems are a reflection of parental education. Recommended books on scientific parenting. I really hope my parents have read this book and download the electronic version. Parents with higher expectations are more likely to control and coerce their children, and their mentality will gradually become distorted. Children who are exposed to a repressive environment for a long time can easily suffer psychological disabilities. Psychologist Wang Guorong said: The more caring parents are, the healthier their children will be mentally. What educates children is the mentality of their parents. The better the parents\’ mentality, the easier it is to raise a mentally healthy child. Anxious parents, whose eyes are filled with the shortcomings of their children, have seen news like this. A mother took her 5-year-old son to watch outside the postgraduate entrance examination gate in the middle of winter and stood there for more than an hour. The reason is just to let my son experience the atmosphere of the postgraduate entrance examination in advance. The mother said: \”My child is still 16 years old and will take the postgraduate entrance examination in 5840 days. It will be helpful for him to take him to experience the atmosphere in advance.\” Many netizens said: Before the child feels the pressure of the postgraduate entrance examination, he will be overwhelmed by your anxiety first. collapsed. Yes, the competitive pressure of society has increased in recent years, and many parents place their hopes on their children. A survey once showed that more than one-third of parents in China spend all their energy on their children, and 82% of parents said they are ready to make sacrifices for their children. It is because parents treat their children with such sensitivity that they always see that they are not good enough for their children. Rollo May, the master of American psychoanalysis, once said: Anxiety is a psychological activity when people are threatened. From a child psychology perspective, parents who are prone to anxiety tend to be more perfectionistic and will always make their children fall into negative emotions that cannot satisfy their parents. Using \”perfect settings\” to plan for children may yield short-term results, but it is difficult to develop a sound personality and mentality. Japanese tennis player Naomi Osaka because her parents love tennis players, their parents asked her to start training since she was three years old. Dad watches teaching videos online at night and teaches her training during the day. She must train for 8 hours a day. While other children of the same age were playing and reading, she was practicing soccer. She did not have a childhood of her own. Under the training of her parents, she became famous in the tennis world at a young age. But she suffered from depression. Will be posted in the newsHe kept poking his fingers during the press conference; he cried when he lost the game; and finally had to withdraw from the game due to severe depression. During the interview, she regretted: She spent her childhood and youth training, but now she can no longer find a goal. The more \”worried\” parents are, the easier it is to hinder their children\’s progress. Because once parents\’ expectations are too high, it is easy to create pressure on their children, which will cause them to lose their vitality prematurely. A narrow mentality creates anxious parents and can easily raise children with psychological defects. A good education is to learn to \”close one eye.\” There is such a video on Douyin. One girl came second to last in the exam and failed. She walked up to her mother with a smile and said: \”A good news or a bad news, which one do you want to hear first?\” Her mother said calmly: \”Go ahead.\” Then the girl said a little embarrassedly: \”The good news is, I I came second to last in the first exam; the bad news is, I failed.\” In fact, the girl has improved by one grade this time. After listening to section 53 of the video course on how to cultivate children\’s concentration training manual, the mother did not criticize the girl, but smiled at her. Even if she didn\’t do well in the exam, she never said a word of blame. This is probably the mother with the best mentality. The most important thing to avoid when educating children is that parents are too impatient. If they blindly cling to their children, it will easily lead to a vicious cycle of \”the more impatient, the worse the efficiency.\” In contrast, this mother\’s mentality can inspire her children\’s fighting spirit. Psychologist Allard said: Our troubles and pains do not originate from ourselves, but because of the concepts we add to our bodies. It\’s like we require our children to \”must be number one in the exams.\” Once the children go against their wishes, they will feel pain in their hearts, so we use \”beating, scolding, and denial\” to educate the children. But for children, good scores and uniform excellence are not as important as a child with physical and mental health. An education scholar once said: \”For good education, you must learn to turn a blind eye and use your mentality to promote education, so that you can raise excellent children.\” Turning one eye open: to explore the advantages of children, Nurture children in a way that uplifts and encourages them. Close one eye: Accepting the child\’s shortcomings, using strengths and avoiding weaknesses can also motivate children. Professor Li Meijin also has a daughter who is a “scumbag”. Although my daughter studies very hard, her grades are very poor. Sometimes she can only get more than ten points on the math test. She smiled and said to her daughter: \”If you are not good at math, you may follow your father.\” Later, instead of criticizing her daughter\’s math scores, she discovered that she had musical talent, so she focused on cultivating her musical talents. Finally, my daughter was admitted to an art school and became a music teacher. When educating children, one should not use a single ruler to measure their value. A child with poor learning ability, bad temper, and naughty may have strong hands-on ability, high emotional intelligence, and good language skills… Parents must learn to magnify their children\’s shining points and ignore their children\’s shortcomings, so that they can bring out the best in their children. potential. Only with respect and acceptance can children have a healthy psychology. To cultivate mentally healthy children, parents must be \”big-hearted\” in these three aspects. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: As parents, we do not want to encourage children to become the best in our hearts.What kind of person; but to provide him with a platform and opportunity to grow into his own kind of person. If parents want to maintain such neutrality, they must first learn to change their mentality. \”Broad-hearted\” education is a sign that children are starting to get better. This does not mean that we should ignore all the \”misbehavior\” of our children, but that we should have a laissez-faire but not indulgent mentality and cultivate children\’s psychological qualities such as self-confidence, perseverance, and so on. Therefore, parents should be more cautious in these three aspects. 1) Be more generous and allow children to slow down. Writer Mr. Hei Youlong has put forward a concept: children should be raised slowly. He pointed out: Slow maintenance does not mean slowness in time, but relaxation in mentality. Allowing children to do things that belong to their own growth stage is the best education. If you have a \”slow\” mentality, you must comply with the child\’s growth pattern and \”playing is better than learning\” during childhood, so as to accumulate growing experience for the child. Doing what kind of things at any age is the correct parenting attitude. Recommended educational psychology books: Psychology and Life pdf Baidu Netdisk Chinese 19th edition + English 20th edition There is an experiment in psychology called the \”twins climbing stairs\” experiment. A pair of identical twins started learning to climb stairs at 48 and 52 weeks respectively, climbing for ten minutes a day. As a result, it took the 52-week-old child only two weeks to learn to climb stairs, but the 48-week-old child took 6 weeks to learn it. This experiment tells us: Only when children reach a certain age can they learn the corresponding abilities, and the effect will be better. You must adapt to your child\’s growth and never put pressure on him to grow when it\’s time to play. 2) Be big-hearted and don’t demand perfection in everything. Many parents hope to have a perfect child, so they don’t allow their children to have even a small flaw. When a child only gets 90% on an exam, he blames him for not getting a 100%; if he writes a wrong word in his homework, he keeps correcting it; when he fails to do something well, the mother beats and scolds the child… When parents have this This kind of perfectionistic baggage involves more control and arrangement in behavior, and is more likely to induce psychological problems in children. As the saying goes: \”The ruler is short, and the existence is long.\” Every child has his or her own strengths, and only education that promotes strengths and avoids weaknesses can improve a child\’s growth. Peking University teacher Ding Yanqing has been a top student since he was a child, but he raised a daughter who is a \”scumbag\”. My daughter\’s grades are not good. At first, he made a lot of demands on his children, but they made them very rebellious. In the end, he finally recognized the reality and believed that this was a fact that could not be changed. Gradually, he gave up cultivating his children\’s cultural achievements and developed their children\’s interests, which instantly made him and his children feel much more relaxed. Comply with needs instead of blindly asking children to arrange their children according to their parents\’ perfectionism. Accept children and use their strengths to cover up their shortcomings, and your children will have a brighter future. 3) Be more open-minded and parents should learn to be \”lazy\”. I saw a mother asking for help on the Internet: I put all my thoughts on my children. I have to remind him to get everything before going to school every day, and remind him before doing homework in the evening. Serious and careful. I worry about him every day for food and clothing, but now the child is annoyed when he sees her. The expert answered him this way: Your child needs your moderate attention, not excessive attention. If you can be a \”hands-off mother\”, your child may like it more.Love you. Many parents are \”uneasy about their children\” and always feel that parents must do everything well in order to feel at ease. However, what children need to grow up is trust, love and freedom. We must give our children full trust and believe that they can do well even without their parents. Therefore, parents should be \”lazy\” in life: lazy to nag: let their children learn to be self-conscious; too lazy to interfere: let their children learn to be independent; too lazy to help: let their children learn to be independent. I read a fable: God arranged for a man to take a snail for a walk, but because the snail climbed too slowly, he kept urging him and scolding it. The snail said guiltily: I\’m sorry, I\’ve tried my best. Adler\’s developmental and educational psychology books, all 4 volumes mobi+epub+azw3 At this time, he still pulled the snail and moved forward at his own speed. Although the snail was injured and uncomfortable, he would not care about it. Later, when he finally passed a garden, smelled the fragrance of flowers, and felt a breeze blowing by, he realized that God had asked him to take the snail for a walk. It is just like the education of parents. How you view your child will determine how he will be affected. Therefore, if they want their children to be in a good state, parents must first take care of their own inner negative feelings and emotions. Only through education that \”uses retreat to make progress\” and \”uses softness to overcome strength\” can we use our inner capacity to carry our children\’s future. Only by respecting the child\’s growth and looking at the child\’s life with a \”tolerant\” attitude can the child feel physically and mentally happy.