Qian Zhiliang: Self-control is very important for children to learn well.

There are many children who are very smart but cannot learn well. If you don’t pay attention to the lectures in class, you will either think randomly or make small moves; you will fumble around after school because you just don’t want to do your homework; you won’t want to sleep at night and can’t get up in the morning… These are all related to self-control among non-intellectual factors. Self-control refers to a child\’s ability to eliminate external interference, master his own wishes and emotions, and thereby control his own actions. People with self-control are good at motivating themselves to bravely implement the decisions they have taken, and at suppressing desires, motives, behaviors and emotions that are not in line with the established goals. Without self-control and letting emotions run their course, self-management of behavior in such situations is impossible. Only by strengthening your self-control can you force yourself to implement the decisions you have taken, overcome the interference of resistance, such as fear, laziness, suppress the drive of emotions, be patient and self-denial. 01 The formation of self-control In essence, the motivation for all human behaviors comes from seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages. Whether a person has self-control also depends on his or her own measurement of the results after pursuing advantages and avoiding disadvantages. If he believes that the advantages of self-discipline outweigh the disadvantages, then he will naturally choose self-discipline without any external coercion or extra effort. In the Stanford marshmallow experiment, a child chose not to eat candy for half an hour. As a result, he got two candies half an hour later. The reason why he was able to resist the temptation was that he clearly understood that as long as he endured this for half an hour, he would get two candies; if he did not endure it, he would only get one. After weighing the pros and cons, you will find that patience has greater benefits than not being patient. Many times, people realize that self-discipline can bring more benefits than harm, but the problem is that they do not recognize, believe and accept this. Or in their values, they believe that the benefits gained from self-discipline are not as good as the comfort brought by ease and laziness. Self-control is not something you are born with, but becomes stronger over time through the practice of overcoming difficulties and temptations. Every time people face difficulties, it is a test of willpower. People with weak willpower often choose to give up or escape when faced with powerful difficulties. They are unable to overcome difficulties and are ultimately doomed to failure. People with strong willpower have the courage to accept mental and physical training, are willing to accept high-intensity tasks beyond their imagination, and devote themselves to completing it. They often keep their brains active, consider some challenging issues, and constantly think about things that need to be taken seriously, in order to train their self-control, and this self-control determines what people do at critical times. 02 Ways to enhance self-control Almost everyone feels that self-control is a difficult thing, whether it is resisting the temptation of delicious food or overcoming natural laziness. Even people with strong self-control will feel that they need to spend a lot of energy fighting against their own instincts, and they will also feel that self-control is a painful and difficult thing. However, self-control, like muscles, makes a person strong. Muscles make the body strong, and self-control makes the mind strong. If a person has more fat and less muscle, then his body is unhealthy; if he indulges more and has less self-discipline, then his mind is unhealthy. And homemadeStrength, like muscles, can be exercised. For example, if the child is asked to read for half an hour every day from the beginning, the child will definitely not be able to do it; but if the child is only allowed to read for five minutes, the child will definitely feel very relaxed. In fact, as long as you persist, your child will gradually find that half an hour is not that difficult. What we have to do is to exercise self-control just like exercising muscles in the gym, and \”lose fat\” for our spirit through \”aerobic exercise\”, thereby putting aside those mental impurities; through \”anaerobic exercise\” we can strengthen our spirit. \”Build muscle\” and give yourself strong self-control. However, according to the \”principle of limited self-control\”, like a muscle, if self-control is used too much, people will get tired, so we must focus our self-control on the most important things, such as important learning tasks. We can enhance self-control through the following five points: 1. Stay away from temptation. With the development of science and technology, people have more and more entertainment activities, and with them come all kinds of temptations. Especially with smartphones, temptation can invade people\’s lives anytime and anywhere. In the Internet age, we need to be wary of children\’s addiction to electronic devices, and we cannot allow children to fall into them. If it is really necessary to use it, be sure to negotiate the usage time and rules with your child. 2. Get enough sleep Research shows that sleep deprivation has the same impact on the brain as mild drunkenness. It is well known that people have no self-control when in a drunken state. Chronic sleep deprivation makes people more susceptible to stress, cravings, and temptations. People may also have difficulty controlling their emotions, concentrating, or coping with the self-control challenges of “I want.” Therefore, you might as well let your children catch up on a good night\’s sleep on weekends, or take a nap before doing homework. 3. To put it another way, sometimes the same behavior will be dominated by two completely different thoughts: \”I don\’t want\” and \”I want\”. We can turn the “I don’t” challenge into an “I want” challenge by redefining it. For example, redefining \”don\’t be late\” as \”being the first one to arrive\” or \”arriving 5 minutes early\” may not sound like much difference, but research has found that people who do this become more motivated and also It’s not that easy to be late. Because this turns \”arrive on time\” into a contest that you can win. 4. Break down the goals and gradually achieve self-control. Be careful to proceed step by step and choose a good breakthrough point. Don’t act too hastily. “Haste makes waste.” Generally speaking, segmented and specific goals are easy to accomplish. Completing graded goals is a kind of positive feedback for individuals, which can enhance self-confidence and work harder to achieve the next sub-goal, thus entering a virtuous cycle. For example, if an overly timid child wants to become brave, he must not force himself to do things beyond his ability from the beginning. If self-control is abused, the individual will not only be unable to adapt to this new obsessive behavior pattern, but will feel sudden, difficult to accept, experience frustration, and bring about new maladaptations. 5. Physical activity Physical activity is an essential and important aspect of exercising self-control. Allowing children to insist on participating in physical exercise can not only ensure a strong body and be able to learn and live better, but also strengthen theirThe child’s will quality. Participating in sports can hone the qualities of patience and perseverance, and participating in team events can also cultivate qualities of will such as wit, courage, justice, solidarity, and mutual assistance. If children can apply the self-control and persistence developed in physical exercise to their studies, they will have the perseverance to overcome difficulties.