Qian Zhiliang: This is how children with strong self-control ability are cultivated.

In daily life, children\’s lack of self-control is manifested in various ways and is quite common, such as losing temper, talking in class, provoking others for no reason, saying unpleasant things, lack of persistence in doing things, etc. The lack of self-control has become a prominent problem in the development of today\’s children, attracting the attention of parents and teachers. Children\’s self-control mainly manifests as emotional self-control, speech self-control, and behavioral self-control. Self-control is an important aspect of children\’s social development. Its development has positive significance for the formation of children\’s good personality, the establishment of positive peer relationships and the improvement of social adaptability. Therefore, as parents, we must consciously ask our children from all aspects to improve their self-control ability. Regarding self-control, an American psychologist once conducted a famous \”candy experiment.\” The children in the experiment were placed a piece of candy in front of them and were told that if they refrained from eating it within 5 minutes, they would get a second piece of candy. After follow-up surveys, many children who were able to restrain themselves well and did not eat the first piece of candy within the specified time grew up to be admitted to college and had a higher reputation, social status and wealth; while those who endured Children who keep eating the first piece of candy tend to be mediocre when they grow up. This experiment illustrates the significant impact of self-control on a person\’s development. As far as individual development is concerned, strong self-control ability will greatly promote the individual\’s learning and work, enable them to effectively control themselves, promote their physical and mental health, and enable their physical and mental development to reach a higher level. For children in the early transition stage, self-control is mainly reflected in resisting temptation. Such as conscious control of toys, food, fun activities, etc.; whether he is hesitant in the face of choices and whether he has the quality to deal with problems decisively; control of temper-prone personality, control of dependent psychology, and control of the learning process. Control of fear of difficulties, etc. Generally speaking, children can be guided and trained in a targeted manner from the following three aspects. 01 Emotional self-control includes not losing your temper casually, being patient and able to withstand criticism, and enduring failures and setbacks. In real life, children must vent their dissatisfaction when they are not getting what they want. However, the child\’s catharsis may be hindered because his emotional catharsis is often not understood and tolerated by his parents. In family life, children may vent their emotions more frequently, which is unbearable for parents, resulting in emotional conflicts. The result may be that the parents\’ emotions gain the upper hand, but the children\’s emotions are not vented, leading to depression and entanglement, gradually accumulating, and waiting for a more violent episode next time. break out. It is dangerous to continue like this. Not only will the child\’s emotions not be vented, but they will accumulate more and more, and the emotional development may move towards the negative side. Therefore, to develop children\’s emotional intelligence, special attention should be paid to the role and influence of family emotional atmosphere. It is necessary to establish a family atmosphere of understanding, tolerance, and harmony based on blood and family ties, and to help children express their emotions purposefully. In addition, parents should also pay attention to teaching their children some methods of self-control of emotions. In the face of children\’s excessive emotional expressions, parents can adopt some strategies, such as treating them coldly, trying to divert their children\’s attention, etc. For example, tell them that when they can’t control themselvesWhen dealing with your own emotions, secretly say \”Don\’t hit people\” or \”Don\’t throw things\” in your mind, or think of pleasant things when you are unhappy. 02 Self-control in speech: Don’t curse, say bad words, and don’t interrupt. Some children are prone to conflicts with others. After a conflict, they can’t control themselves from cursing or swearing. Some children will constantly interrupt the teacher\’s lectures during class, and speak loudly when others are speaking. Generally speaking, children\’s swear words are not malicious, but parents should not let them go unchecked. Experts believe that if a child is not restrained for a long time, there will be defects in character development. For such things, parents do not need to be too harsh on their children. Usually the children do not realize that they are swearing, it is just an imitative behavior. It should be noted that parents should reflect on this and pay special attention in the future to provide a healthy language environment for their children. In such a situation, parents should not criticize their child harshly, but should help him find the right way of expression. If your child continues to use foul language, you should tell him seriously: \”It\’s not good to say that.\” In speech self-control, in addition to not swearing or swearing, it is also a requirement not to interrupt casually, especially for preschool children. . When children interrupt adults\’ conversations, adults usually say angrily: \”Don\’t be rude. It\’s rude to interrupt someone else\’s conversation.\” But it\’s also rude to interrupt the person who interrupts. When parents ask their children to be polite, they should not use a rude way. It may be better to say: \”I hope I can finish talking.\” They should be taught afterwards that they should speak during the breaks in adult discussions. In this way, it is not impolite and allows adults to listen. This is a polite and well-educated child. 03 Behavioral self-control includes rule awareness, persistence, and non-violating behavior. Compared with adults, one of the outstanding characteristics of children\’s behavior is their strong impulsivity. Children often act without thinking and rarely consider the consequences of their actions. Unlike adults, who carefully consider the pros and cons of an action before taking specific actions, they adopt an appropriate behavior accordingly. In view of this characteristic of children\’s behavior, parents should educate their children and learn to think before doing things. Based on your past life experience or the experience of others, think about the consequences of doing so, and what beneficial or adverse effects it will have on yourself and the people around you. On this basis, regulate your own behavior. , and adopt appropriate behavior. So, how can parents help their children develop self-control? We recommend that parents follow the following four principles when educating their children: (1) Teach your children self-control by setting an example. You have to show self-control to your children, so parents should be a living example of self-control. The easiest person for children to imitate in life is their parents. The performance of parents\’ self-control will affect the development of children\’s self-control. For example, a mother is playing cards with her friends while her child sits by the TV and does homework; on weekends, when you don’t get up on time, your child takes the opportunity to lie in bed and read novels, giving up early English reading… Therefore, anyone who is impulsive, emotionally unstable, Parents who lack self-control in their behavior must first educate themselves to increase theirOnly by strengthening self-control can we help children build self-control. (2) Strict requirements and repeated training. Children are still relatively ignorant of the principles of life in the world, so the development of good habits depends on strict requirements and repeated training from parents. First, there must be rules. Children who are used to living under the rules set by their parents will know that life has many boundaries. Parents need to structure an environment for their children in which they are not allowed to do things that are beyond their control. Setting limits for your child before he goes to school is tantamount to laying the foundation for his lifelong self-control. Secondly, let the children learn to be responsible for themselves. When children are young, they are often disciplined using self-responsibility and punishment for offenders. These two correction methods allow them to have their own choices. Through these choices, children will know which behaviors will have negative consequences for themselves. Finally, there is appropriate punishment. If a child does not fulfill his responsibilities, limit his autonomy. But the method must be positive, so that he still has hope. You can say to him: \”Let\’s try again and see if you can make good use of this freedom.\” Wait until a few days, weeks, or months pass. As soon as you think the time is right, you can give him autonomy again and tell him that you think he can now use this freedom. Be sure to let him know that he needs to take responsibility for his actions. If a child cannot control himself, parents should also pay attention to their own attitude, because your attitude represents your expectations, trust and love for him. (3) It is necessary to convince people with reason, and good habits can be formed through repeated repetitions of motivating self-control behaviors, thereby reducing the tension caused by self-control behaviors and making it easier to complete and maintain self-control behaviors. For example, children are asked not to throw garbage everywhere. If they can control it every time, they will form a good habit of not throwing garbage everywhere in the future. Therefore, training children to have good self-control behaviors in real life is of great significance to the formation of their self-control abilities. In addition, parents should also pay attention to the art of language when motivating their children. For example, Xiaoyang was elected as class monitor by his classmates. When he went home and told his parents the good news, his father happily said: \”My son is awesome and has a lot of potential!\” This kind of praise has no aftertaste and is of no use to the child. What a motivating effect. If you add another sentence at the end: \”When you become a monitor, you should strictly demand yourself according to the standards of a monitor and play a good leading role in all aspects.\” This not only contains the trust and expectations of parents, but also gives children Put forward higher requirements, thus motivating them to work harder and enterprising. (4) Delaying gratification requires children to learn to wait. When children have some desires that cannot be satisfied immediately, and after a period of time they are realized, they will have this experience: what they want will come to them later. So the habit of waiting was formed. For example, if a child wants to get a toy he likes, the parents do not immediately satisfy him, but ask him to overcome the problem of chewing his hands, or impose some additional conditions. If the children do what adults ask, parents should fulfill their promises in a timely manner.