Qian Zhiliang: Whether a child will succeed or not depends on these four factors

A survey by Beijing Normal University found that among China\’s 340 million minors, the proportion of students with abnormal psychological problem tendencies was 16.4%, and the proportion of students with serious psychological problem behaviors was 5%. Another survey showed that among the 2,500 primary and secondary school students in Shanghai surveyed, 5.85% of the children had made suicide plans, and 34.39% of the children had had a fleeting thought that \”life would be better than death.\” But the vast majority of parents know nothing about this. Why is this happening? Because there is a lot of pressure. Why is there so much pressure? Among them is the blind competition of parents. Many parents have taught their children since childhood that they should \”study hard and go to Tsinghua University and Peking University in the future\”, \”it is impossible not to take the postgraduate entrance examination\” or even \”study abroad and go to Eton College in the UK\” and so on. Remember: not everyone can attend Eton College in the UK. The West has come to this day with a history of more than 300 years. Grandpa\’s grandfather graduated from elementary school, his father graduated from junior high school, his grandfather graduated from high school, his father graduated from college, and his son went to graduate school. As the saying goes, \”three generations of bloodshed\” and \”five generations to cultivate a nobleman\”, the previous generation will lay the foundation for the next generation. After several generations of accumulation, the family will prosper and the nation will have an explosion of talents. What is our current situation? The father only graduated from elementary school, but suddenly asked his children to go to college or even graduate school. Is there any accumulation? The accumulation of family culture has not reached this point at all, and the cultural foundation for children\’s growth is too fragile. Education believes that there are four factors that affect a child\’s development: innate factors, environmental factors, educational factors and subjective initiative. Which of these four factors is the most important? But it cannot be said that they are all important and equally important. This issue needs to be viewed from a philosophical perspective. In the theory of contradiction, when analyzing which factor is the most important, we must grasp the main contradiction and the main aspects of the main contradiction. The theory of contradiction holds that the factors that affect the development of things are divided into internal factors and external factors. Internal factors play a decisive role, and external factors play a role through internal factors. In the same way, if we classify innateness, environment, education and subjective initiative, we will find that innateness and subjective initiative are internal factors, while environment and education are external factors. External factors cannot play a decisive role in the development of things. Nowadays, all walks of life are learning from the scientific concept of development, and parents must also look at their children\’s development from a scientific perspective. Understand the role these four factors play in a child\’s development. If these issues are not clarified, parents will blindly compete and ultimately harm their children. 01 Innateness is the premise. Innate factors include genetic genes, pregnancy conditions, birth method, etc. After studying 977 \”celebrity phenomena\”, 21 \”artistic families\” and a series of twins, British scientist Galton founded eugenics in 1883 and proposed \”selecting good spouses and improving the human race\”, told People: The starting point of life lies in heredity, how many learning genes are carried in the 23 pairs of chromosomes given by parents! The moment the sperm and egg combine, it is determined which two families\’ germline characteristics each child will carry. Just as the shape and body organization of all organisms are genetically determined, the psychology of an organism is also genetically determined, including intelligence, behavior, personality, etc.They will display the imprints of the two families, either in form or in spirit. Genetic theory holds that the development of each life has its own specific sequence of development, and the process of human development is nothing more than the self-expansion process of these internal genetic factors. The theory of evolution believes that the evolution of life over millions of years has designed indispensable procedures for the birth and growth of every life. Every behavior that bypasses the necessary procedures of life may damage life and block the development of life. The possibility of evolution even makes it eliminated. The essence of early childhood development is the expression and play of the potential of parents’ genetic qualities. Timely and appropriate early education can trigger and promote benign expression; premature and excessive early education can only delay or even hinder development. The result of pulling seedlings to encourage growth is not to promote growth but to torment and damage life! Innateness is the premise, we must admit that if you sow melons, you will reap melons, and if you sow beans, you will reap beans. If the parents had sown elf bean seeds, they would have harvested elf beans. If they had sown papaya seeds, they would have harvested elf beans. This was impossible. Many parents hope that their children will become successful and their daughters will become phoenixes. This is not wrong in itself. This is a passionate expectation for their children. However, parents must be clear-headed and ask themselves: \”How many genes have I inherited for my children\’s learning? How was my learning back then?\” Of course, we must also oppose the extreme statement that \”genetics determines everything.\” Many parents often shout that \”dragons give birth to dragons, phoenixes give birth to phoenixes, and mice can make holes.\” The first sentence of this sentence is wrong. According to legend, the dragon gave birth to nine sons, and the nine sons were different. The dragon gave birth to nine children, and none of them was like him, soaring in the sky, driving the mist, and calling for the wind and rain. Dragons give birth to nine children, but none like the Dragon King, so dragons give birth to dragons and phoenixes give birth to phoenixes. But we cannot give birth to dragon children, because we need dragon genes, and the laws of inheritance are difficult to shake. Parents may think: My genetics are not as good as others. If I don’t let my children learn more the day after tomorrow, won’t it be even worse? Note that parents must know whether their children are ready to study. Although I am not an innate genetic determinist, I must emphasize the huge role of innate factors in individual development. Inherited genes provide a blueprint for individual development, determining the timetable for the increase, pruning, and finalization of neural circuits, and determining the possibilities, which are internal factors; early experience determines the formation, pruning, retention, and strength of neural circuits, providing the basis for future learning. , behavior and health provide a solid or weak foundation, which determines whether a possibility can become a reality, which is an external factor. Dialectical materialism believes that external factors work through internal factors. 02 Environment is the condition. Environmental factors refer to the family where the child lives. This is an important environment. Others include the family environment where the family is located, the community environment where the family is located, the social environment and natural environment where the community is located, etc. We admit that those who are close to vermilion are red, and those who are close to ink are black. Why did Meng\’s mother move three times? Just to choose a good partner environment and community environment for Mencius, because the environment has a great impact on people. Of course, we cannot over exaggerate the role of the environment on a person. For example, in key schools, can key schools guarantee that 100% of their students will go to Peking University and Tsinghua University? This is impossible. On the other hand, there are many people in impoverished mountainous areasMy child got into a good university, why? Because the environment cannot completely determine a person, otherwise he will fall into mechanical materialism. Premature environmental pressure and excessive ability requirements will block and attack the expression of potential, sometimes resulting in non-expression or abnormal expression of potential. The damage caused is a termination signal in the evolutionary chain – the damaged potential cannot be restored. It is impossible to evolve to a higher level. Early education, over-education, and anxious parents seem to enrich the psychological stimulation for their children, but in fact they cause the consequences of \”stimulus deprivation.\” This not only deprives infants and young children of the opportunity to mature with a healthy mentality, but also prevents parents from participating in their children\’s early growth process with a relaxed and happy attitude. 03 Education is very important. The educational factor does not refer to the education the child is receiving, nor does it refer to the school. The most important thing is who brought up the child. The caregiver is very important. Education cultivates people\’s morality, morality is practice, and education can teach people to be benevolent; education also gives people knowledge, knowledge is power, and education can teach people to become talents. Of course, we cannot overexaggerate the function of education. \”There are no students who cannot teach, only teachers who cannot teach; there are no children who cannot teach well, only parents who cannot teach well.\” This is all a lie, because education The premise and foundation are innate factors. If you over-exaggerate the role of education, it is tantamount to shooting yourself in the foot and falling into the theory of omnipotence of education. This is anti-Marxism and idealism, and this kind of thinking must be eliminated. Rousseau wrote in \”Emile\”: Nature wants children to be like children before they become adults. If we disturb this order, we shall produce premature fruits, which shall grow neither plump nor sweet, and shall soon rot: we shall produce young Ph.D.s, and senile children. Affected by the increasingly fierce competition and younger age, parents have higher and higher expectations for their children. The eagerness for success and impetuous social atmosphere make parents wish that their children can complete college content in kindergarten – forgetting that they are still a child. child. Parents’ vanity has been dramatically inflated by market hype: “The more bold the education, the more talented the child will be.” “It’s not a dream to have a successful child, don’t lose at the starting line.” “There are no children who can’t teach, only parents who can’t teach.” \”You may not be a genius, but you can be the father of a genius.\” All kinds of commercial propaganda are overwhelming, for example, children can learn to swim in one day and pinyin in three days; after five months of literacy, a two-year-old should know 2,000 words, and a three-year-old should know 3,000 words, which can reach the level of primary school graduation. Many deceived parents send their children to preschool and learn the primary school curriculum first, so that they can \”win at the starting line\” after entering primary school – but they don\’t know that the lead will not last more than one semester. And because key capabilities were not developed, a large number of them became \”Zhongyong and his ilk\”. Developmental psychology believes that individual development is directional and sequential. The order of maturity of the major systems in children is the nervous system, motor system, and reproductive system. The order of maturity of various brain areas is occipital lobe, temporal lobe, parietal lobe, and frontal lobe. The sequence of brain cell development is axon, dendrite, and myelination of axon. This directionality and sequence are, to some extent, reflected in the process by which genotypes continuously reveal their genetic programming under the influence of the environment. Gesell\’s \”Twins Climbing Stairs\” experiment tells us that any psychological maturity and development must be based on physiological maturity. When physiological maturity has not been reached, extraordinary training is given, hoping to obtain the maturity stage in advance. Ability and skills are contrary to the laws of physiology. But in the end it takes the same time to learn. 04 Subjective initiative is the catalyst. A child\’s initiative, enthusiasm, ambition, sense of achievement, sense of honor, sense of responsibility, etc. are collectively called subjective initiative. For example, some children know how to go home and do their homework right after school; and some children go out to play and run around right after school. Their mothers are so anxious that they look for them everywhere and hold their ears before they go back to do their homework. This is subjective initiative. We admit that \”no pain, no gain\”, and we also see that \”God rewards hard work\” and \”God pays off those who work hard\”, but these all have preconditions. In addition to innate factors, environment and educational background are also factors that restrict subjective initiative. Nowadays, the most common sentence that adults lie to children is: \”If you don\’t get good grades, you just don\’t work hard. As long as you work hard, an iron pestle can be ground into a needle.\” This is a lie, because the prerequisite for being able to be ground into a needle is an iron pestle; some children If you are born with a hammer, can it be ground into a needle? In the end, it will only be a toothpick. Some children are not even sticks, they are just stones. Can they sharpen needles? It is better to carve the stone into a work of art according to its shape, size, and texture. This is teaching students in accordance with their aptitude. There are four famous embroideries in China, and their common feature is that they are all rich in silk. Silk is beautiful only when embroidered on fine-textured satin. If you embroider on a sack, the foundation is too poor and the best you can do is cross stitch. Therefore, parents should teach students in accordance with their aptitude and cannot blindly rely on education and environmental factors to put excessive pressure on their children. In particular, the media\’s hype about some \”geniuses\” has aroused parents\’ blind and fanatical pursuit of education. This blind fanaticism will eventually become a huge pressure on their children. Market hype has given rise to anxiety among parents. Just imagine, if businesses don’t publicize false competition, how can there be a market? If training institutions don\’t create tension and spread anxiety like this, how can parents pay for it? I hope my son will become a dragon and my daughter will become a phoenix. Parents have high expectations for their children. There is nothing wrong with these good wishes in themselves, but parents must accept the reality that consciousness cannot determine matter, and the objective world will not be based on our subjective will. Wishful thinking is Unrealistic. Parents should look at themselves and their children with a normal mind. We are just ordinary mortals, and our children are also ordinary children. We should expect our children to grow up naturally and step by step. See the significance of the critical period and the value of early education, timely education and development of potential, suitable for early education and full development, but do not be superstitious and blindly obedient. Early education must return to the basics of innocence: the value orientation shifts from knowledge learning and intellectual development to all-round development, harmonious development and lifelong sustainable development. Cultivate children\’s values ​​of truth, goodness and beauty, develop their survival abilities, and build self-confidence and self-esteem., learn to live in harmony and cooperate with others, form good living and learning habits, enrich individual creativity and imagination, cultivate the ability to discover and solve problems, stimulate curiosity, exploration, and willingness to learn, so that children can fully enjoy their growth Happiness should be the biggest goal pursued by parents. Life is a marathon from birth to death. You may not win if you start early. The important thing is to experience the process. Not all flowers bloom in spring. Some know that the flowers are blooming in spring and cannot compete with others, so they wait until summer, autumn or even winter to bloom. Some even bloom only once in many years. If it has not bloomed, I would rather believe that this is not a flower, but a towering tree. Click [Like], life has its own internal rhythm, don\’t disrupt it.