Qualified parents never rush to draw conclusions for their children

Yesterday, I picked my son up from kindergarten. He changed his usual habit of not playing outside until dark and wanted to go home directly. As soon as I walked in, the boss called me and asked me to verify the data. I turned on the computer to check the information and let my son play by himself. When I finished my work and called him, I searched every house but couldn\’t find it. Then I heard a sound in the bathroom of the bedroom. When I looked over, I almost fainted. The bathroom was like a flood scene. There was water all over his hair and clothes, and there were foamy water stains and black footprints everywhere on the bathroom floor. There were various clothes of his and mine soaked in the washbasin, a basin of foam, and maybe a bottle of laundry detergent. . A few days ago, when I was wiping the cabinets, I accidentally cut a big cut on my hand. After a few days of intravenous injection, the pain was gone. However, I still can\’t work, and I dare not touch the water. But my son is so worried. Deliberately made the ground watery. Thinking about how difficult it would be to clean up, I couldn\’t hold back my anger any longer, so I pulled my son out, scolded him, and slapped him twice. When my son saw how angry I was, he didn\’t dare to bite and went out timidly. After finally cleaning up, I asked my son to go to dinner together. My son whispered: \”Mom, are you not angry anymore?\” Seeing his nervous look, I lost a lot of anger, hugged my son and went out to eat together. During the meal, I asked him why he suddenly wanted to go home and play in the water? The son said: I don’t want to play with water, I just saw that you have injured your hand and can’t wash clothes these days, and I want to help you wash it, but the pool is a bit high, and I accidentally knocked over the basin. I’m sorry. After hearing what my son said, I felt very guilty. It turned out that my son felt sorry for me, but I thought he was being naughty and was deliberately looking for trouble for me, so I scolded him indiscriminately. Later, when I talked about this with a friend, the friend said that she and her husband often made this mistake. As soon as I see or hear that my child has made a mistake, I get angry as a conditioned reflex. I scold the child first, no matter what, and never want to understand the cause and effect of the incident. I often misunderstand the child, which makes the child very timid now. , we always ask for instructions first for everything, for fear that we will be unhappy if we do something wrong. Parents who are impatient and like to \”jump to conclusions easily\” can easily blame their children and make them feel wronged. There is such a scene in the variety show \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”. Father Lin Yongjian and his son Dajun returned to the house together. After entering the house, Dajun saw QQ Star on the table and put it in his bag. When his father saw it, he was very angry and scolded: \”Oh my god! Why are you pretending to be like this? It\’s very bad of you to do this…\” Dajun took QQ Star out of the bag in grievance. After calming down, his father talked to Dajun, \”Lin Dajun, it\’s not good to take advantage. Why should we take advantage? Are you in need of food?\” Who knew that Dajun only wanted to give to other children. When faced with children\’s bad behavior, his father Lin Yongjian\’s approach is a typical \”jumping to conclusions\”, turning what was originally worthy of praise into scolding. Because young children lack expressive skills, it is difficult for them to express their thoughts completely and appropriately. At this time, parents should calm down, ask their children patiently, and encourage them to express their thoughts to avoid misunderstandings. The world of children is very simple, and sometimes there are some things that seem strange.The reason for the unreasonable thinking is actually that they want to solve the problem in their own way. I once read such a story in a magazine: Once, the famous American host Linklater interviewed a child and asked him: \”What do you want to be when you grow up?\” The child innocently replied: \”I want to be an airplane.\” Pilot.\” Linklater then asked: \”If one day, your plane flies over the Pacific Ocean and all the engines stall, what will you do?\” The child thought for a while and said, \”I will tell the people on the plane first Fasten your seat belt, then I will hang up my parachute and jump out first.\” When the audience was shaking with laughter, Linklater continued to look at the child. Unexpectedly, two lines of tears burst out of the child\’s eyes, making Linklater realize that this The child\’s compassion is far beyond what words can describe. So Linklater asked him: \”Why are you doing this?\” The child\’s answer revealed a child\’s sincere thoughts: \”I\’m going to get fuel, and I have to come back! I have to come back!\” So, be patient, Listen calmly to your child\’s inner thoughts, and don\’t rush to conclusions, let alone reprimand, beat or scold your child. As parents, we cannot judge our children\’s behavior based on our own subjective thoughts. Sometimes we cannot predict what will happen next, and we do not understand the children\’s true intentions. Therefore, read on patiently to understand the entire incident and do not take it out of context. Many times, the reasons behind a child\’s behavior are more important than the apparent facts. There is a public welfare film in Thailand. The film depicts an actor dressing up as a school gardener at different times. He pushed a cart and carried several pots of flowers and plants along the muddy path. When the child was passing by after school, he deliberately overturned the car and asked the passing students for help. Almost every child after school would stop and help him when they saw this situation. He doesn\’t even hesitate to get his clothes dirty. At this time, the child\’s parents were at the school gate, anxiously waiting for their child to appear. Parents\’ reactions varied when they saw their children emerge last, covered in mud. Some parents were furious and immediately began to blame their children; some parents were shocked and dumbfounded; some parents were amused by their children and laughed; some parents were calm and patiently asked their children what happened. At this time, the screen at the school gate played the scene of the child helping the gardener. The parents were stunned and burst into tears. You see, some parents scold their children for soiling themselves when they should be proud of their children\’s behavior. This not only makes the children sad, but may also destroy their enthusiasm. When something happens, calm down first and don\’t make a quick judgment to avoid hurting your child\’s heart. Sometimes, a word from parents can illuminate a child\’s life and fill it with sunshine and happiness; the same word from parents can make a child fall into an abyss of darkness. We listen to our children, communicate with each other sincerely, understand each other\’s feelings, and make the parent-child relationship closer. Writer Liu Jirong told her story with her daughter in an article. One day she went to pick up her daughter from kindergarten. The kindergarten teacher said something that made her very embarrassed. Her daughter usedI can\’t control my food intake during meals. I often feel stomachache after eating and ask for more food. A parent next to me burst out laughing. She was so angry that she wanted to have a big fight because of her daughter\’s stupidity. After returning home, her daughter opened the door for the first time and asked her to teach her something. She closed her eyes angrily and ignored her daughter. The daughter opened the door for the second time and asked her: \”Mom, will you die if you kill your own hand?\” Then she discovered that there was a lot of blood on her daughter\’s hand and the wound was deep. She was even more angry because her daughter was so stupid that she almost killed herself in such a naughty manner. Later, when I received a call from my daughter’s teacher, I realized that my daughter’s stupidity for “not being able to control her food intake” and her naughty behavior for “almost killing herself” were all because she felt sorry for her and was considerate of her. My daughter’s classmate told the teacher that her daughter was not stupid or greedy by eating so much, but because her mother worked very hard. If she had enough to eat, she would not get sick all the time and would grow taller quickly. If you grow smart, you can cook for your mother and help her mop the floor, and your mother will no longer be annoyed. The teacher also said: \”Your daughter said that her mother loves apples the most, and she must learn to peel apples.\” After putting down the phone, she saw a dried apple in the fruit plate on the coffee table, with pits and pits on it. There were faint blood stains, and there was a sharp fruit knife lying next to it! She suddenly understood that the first time her daughter came in, she wanted her to teach her how to peel an apple, but she ignored her. She hurt herself so badly just trying to learn to peel an apple for me. Who says children are ignorant? They are just too pure, without any distracting thoughts, and they do things completely out of their original intentions. However, due to their lack of knowledge and practical ability, they are unable to do anything, and this situation of doing bad things with good intentions occurs. It\’s not their intention. When the child is young, the most important support for the child is to meet the child\’s needs and wishes so that the child has a better sense of security. As children grow up, parents need to patiently listen to and understand their children\’s true thoughts so that they can feel loved and understood. When we were in school, we knew that without investigation, we had no right to speak, and we often warned ourselves not to comment on a person or thing easily. But after becoming parents, we often like to speak and draw conclusions without investigation. Once we see or hear a child doing something we don’t want, especially some bad behavior, we usually don’t explore the child’s true thoughts and don’t bother to understand the whole story, so we just scold them in a self-righteous way. In family education, this kind of jumping to conclusions is very common and it is also an easy mistake to make. Parents easily deny and wrongly accuse their children of one thing without understanding the reason. This kind of thinking is, should be, must be, but in fact it is not at all, which can easily cause misunderstandings, create barriers, and hurt children\’s feelings. Therefore, we must be patient and not jump to conclusions easily. This is the best support for children\’s growth. We may not be able to give our children meticulous care or good financial conditions, but we can give our children enough patience, listen to their true thoughts, etc. We must pass on our love for children in the most beneficial way to them, so that they can grow independently in a warm and free environment.