Raising children requires appropriate use of “deception”

I went to a colleague\’s house on the weekend. We were drinking tea in the living room, and her husband was helping his son with his homework. After a while, I heard her husband scolding his son in the study: Can\’t even write a simple 1234? ! You have become such a big fool! You are the big fool, I won’t write! Then she heard her son screaming hysterically and slamming his notebook. My colleague looked at us and said with embarrassment and helplessness: Alas, this child is very good at everything he does, but he can’t do homework. This grade is almost over. He can’t even write some simple numbers and strokes. Give it to his sister. Than, it’s too far behind! \”Are these all the certificates my sister received?\” I asked, pointing to the certificates that covered the wall in a prominent place in the living room. \”Yes!\” The colleague immediately changed his expression, his face full of pride. \”Then do you often compare your younger brother with his older sister, especially when he first starts studying?\” I continued to ask. \”It seems that at first he was quite active in writing. His father and I laughed at his ugly writing…\” \”Slowly he hated writing, and then his writing got worse!\” She said with deep approval: \”Yes, that\’s it!\” There is a phenomenon in psychology called learned stupidity, which means that children are not stupid to begin with, but later they become stupider as they learn. What causes children to become stupider and stupider is the cruel denial of their parents. . He is also a child who does not study well and only scored 12 points in the Chinese language test. The teacher asked the student why he only got so few marks. The student said that he did not like Chinese. The Chinese teacher exaggeratedly said: I can get 12 points even if I don’t like it, but if I work harder, I can get more! Later, the student scored 20 points in the exam, and the teacher praised him for making so much progress with just a little effort. He was really smart. This teacher used this \”deception\” to make every child in the class smart. For children whose academic performance is not outstanding, different methods have achieved different results. The famous psychologist Rosenthal randomly selected a class in an ordinary middle school, walked around casually in the class, randomly circled a few names on the student list, and solemnly said to their teacher : These students have very high IQs and are very smart. After a while, Rosenthal went to the school to check, and a miracle happened. The students he randomly selected were all ordinary, but after being called \”geniuses\” by him, they have now really become geniuses. Top of the class. Professor Rosenthal sincerely told their teacher that he didn\’t know these students at all and that he just randomly selected a few students. What is the reason for this phenomenon? It turns out that Rosenthal is a famous professor of psychology and has high authority in the minds of people, especially teachers. When Rosenthal told the teachers that those students were special geniuses, the teachers were convinced of this. In their daily teaching, they had positive expectations for these children and used the same educational methods to treat geniuses. these students. And because these students feel the teacher\’s expectations, they work harder and are more strict with themselves. This is where the magic of “deception” comes into play. The biggest liar I ever heard of was a mother of a child with ADHD. The kindergarten teacher said to her impatiently: I doubt that your sonMy son has ADHD because he cannot sit on a stool for even a minute. The mother returned home sadly and saw her son anxiously waiting for her return. She pretended to be surprised and said to her son: \”The teacher praised your progress. You could only sit on the bench for one minute before, but now you can sit for three minutes.\” My son was very happy to eat by himself for the first time. When the child entered elementary school, the teacher told the mother: There are 50 children in the class, and your child ranks 49th. We all suspect that he has intellectual problems! When the mother came home, she happily told her child: The teacher praised your progress. She also said that if you work hard, you can catch up with your deskmate. The child\’s deskmate was number 21. Later, after hard work, the child finally caught up with him. At the parent-teacher conference in junior high school, the teacher told the child’s mother: Your child is having difficulty getting into a key high school. When he returned home and looked at his embarrassed child, his mother told him: The teacher said that as long as you keep working hard, you will have no problem getting into a key high school! After graduating from high school, the child was among the first batch to be admitted to Tsinghua University. It is undeniable that this child was \”deceived\” step by step by his mother to enter Tsinghua University. The law of attraction, what children believe, they will attract. To put it simply: if you say you can do it, you can do it, and if you don’t do it, you can do it; if you say you can’t do it, you can’t do it, and if you can’t do it, you can’t do it. When we subconsciously feel that our children are not good at something and are not as good as others, it will be revealed in life unconsciously, and the children will also be sensitive to this attitude of their parents, thus forming this understanding in their hearts. If he feels that he has a problem in this aspect, his performance in this aspect will gradually become worse. What kind of person you expect your child to become is what kind of person your child is likely to become. This expectation should not be imposed, but strategic affirmation and positive encouragement. Every child has the potential to become a genius, but whether this possibility can become a reality often depends on whether parents and teachers can have the same requirements and expectations for their children as they do for geniuses. Therefore, in daily education, we have to learn some \”deception\”. This is a kind of educational wisdom, not real deception. Properly deceiving children should lead to good deeds. Each child has his or her own flowering period and has its own advantages and disadvantages. Parents should avoid comparing their children\’s shortcomings with the advantages of other children. We must first affirm the child\’s strengths, and then tell the child that if he works a little harder, he can do better. We must learn to think reversely and stop thinking that our children cannot become anything. You need to position it first, then install it, and then change it. Believe and tell your child that he is excellent and treat him as an excellent child. Then tell everyone how great the child is. At first, the child may not believe or recognize your words, but when you repeat them over and over again, and when everyone around you thinks so, the child will gradually believe them, and he will try to demand himself according to excellent standards. , and slowly he will develop this habit and become an excellent person. Three people become tigers, and a lie will come true if told a thousand times. If you keep \”cheating\” your child and say that he is an excellent person, he will gradually believe that he is an excellent person and he will move in a better direction. If you keep tellingIf you tell your child that he is not a good child, he will be infected with learned stupidity and become stupider as he learns.