Really powerful parents have long since given up anxiety and internal friction. Their attitude towards their children can only be described in 6 words.

I came across a post a few days ago in which a mother complained: No matter how hard she educates her children, their children will never grow up to be what she expects. The mother said that she and her child are like enemies. They usually don\’t talk, but when they do speak, they keep arguing. You want him to be obedient, but he goes against you in everything; you want him to study hard, but he becomes decadent; the more patiently you communicate with him, the worse his temper becomes… Her complaints attracted many parents to complain. Children’s “complaints”: procrastinating, dilly-dallying, addicted to electronic products, having a bad temper, liking to talk back to parents, being self-righteous… Why do we try our best, but still fail to raise our children? Because many parents are using \”brute force\” to raise their children, spreading anxiety and internal friction around their children, leaving them lacking an atmosphere of love. Someone once said this: On the way to educating children, flowers bloom wherever the heart is. Really powerful parents never suffer from internal friction and anxiety. They treat their children with these six words, making them tenacious and motivated. See clearly: Love yourself first, then love your children. Since becoming parents, many parents have a serious sense of \”sacrifice\”. They can: cut off unnecessary social interactions and devote themselves to their children; they can be reluctant to buy clothes for their children. No matter how expensive things are, you still have to buy them… But sometimes the more you love them, the less your children know how to cherish them. I once saw a netizen leaving a message: \”My mother quit her job since she had my brother and me. She pinned her hopes in life on my brother and me. But I find her very annoying. As long as she talks, I will I want to cover my ears. \”Why can\’t \”careful\” parents get the love of their children? Because: parents lack the spirit of \”loving themselves\” and lose their sense of value in front of their children; if they give too much, it is easier to \”demand\” rewards from their children, and then they will continue to pass on their anxious emotions to their children, making them constantly anxious and anxious. Internal friction eventually makes the parent-child relationship worse and worse. A good education is not about giving to children, but about learning to \”love yourself first.\” Actor Liu Mintao once had a failed marriage, which made her lose herself and lead a life of restraint. After the divorce, she chose to love herself first: go skiing, painting, traveling around the world… Her confidence, independence, and chicness not only made her life a light, but also illuminated her daughter\’s life. I once heard a mother say something like this: \”The child is him and I am me. I cannot transfer my love for myself just because I am raising a child. I must first live a beautiful self before my child can love me.\” . \”As a parent, you should put yourself in front of your children in everything; even if it is love, you should give yourself more. Only by loving yourself can your children feel the power of love. Think “openly”: Don’t be anxious about small things. I saw a very relaxing education online. A child in the first grade of junior high school had the lowest test scores in the class. Instead of beating or scolding her, her mother invited her to eat hot pot and watch movies. Others ask this mother: Why is her mentality so good? She said: \”I have used all the methods that should be used and tried my best. The rest is up to her.\” She no longer supervises her child\’s studies. She allows her children to learn roller skating, raise cats, play taekwondo, and talks to them regularly. Unexpectedly, this kind of education with a sense of relaxation did not make the children give up on themselves, but because they had too manyWith a level of free exploration, children are more motivated to learn. The first step to being a good parent is to learn to be open-minded and keep your original intention of being a parent. Some parents are overachievers, but they may not be able to get rid of the fact that their children are poor academics. Your control and anxiety will make your children resentful. A netizen once \”complained\” that he and his husband both had Ph.D. degrees, but his son was a scumbag. She tried her best, but her child\’s grades were still at the bottom of the class, and she was tired of studying because of the high pressure. Later, he put aside his anxiety and discovered that: his son liked to study cooking skills and could prepare several decent meals at the age of 10; his son was kind-hearted. When he entered the building door and saw someone behind him, he would always support him with his little hands. Open the door and wait for the people behind to come in together; sons are filial to their parents and know how to understand their parents\’ hard work… Parents who are too perfect and strict will destroy their children\’s autonomy and self-confidence. In education, if you find that you are a nervous and anxious parent who controls your children too much, then you should let go appropriately. Be relaxed about everything and turn a blind eye to some things. Only when parents are open-minded can their children go far. \”Quiet\” mind: Stabilize emotions and reduce conflicts. Not long ago, I saw a piece of news. A mother got into an argument with her son while driving and kicked him out of the car. The original idea was to punish her son, but she didn\’t expect that when she came to pick her up a few minutes later, her son was gone. The mother was so anxious that she burst into tears. This is true for many parents. He was as furious as a lion when the incident happened, but he blamed himself and regretted it afterwards. However, the moment you have \”confrontational\” emotions with your child, you are already hurting your child. Someone has concluded that irritable parents will bring these personality defects to their children. 1. Bad temper: There is a psychology of \”identification\” in psychology: it means that children will unconsciously adopt their parents\’ personalities and characteristics as their own. If parents have irritable temperaments, their children will also develop irritable personalities in the future. 2. It is easy to develop a pleaser personality: Parents often get angry with their children, which creates fear in their children. Children will learn to look at their faces because they are afraid of making mistakes, and eventually they will learn to please. 3. It will make children vulnerable and sensitive. Children who are often yelled at by their parents will feel that they are bad and can\’t do anything well, thus becoming low self-esteem and sensitive. Someone has said: Parents with calm emotions are a good blessing for their children\’s life. This reminds me of the writer Shi Tiesheng. Because his legs were paralyzed, his temperament became irritable and unstable, and he was depressed all day long. But his mother always protected him with tender love, resolved his pain with her gentle temperament, and finally successfully \”saved\” him. Only by learning to be calm when encountering problems can you become the guide for your child\’s spiritual world. Once your child makes you angry, learn to be \”calm\” and stabilize your own emotions first before you can provide effective support to your child. Parents who know how to control themselves will be admired by their children. Learn to be \”slow\”: teach children not to be impatient. Taiwanese educator \”Hei Xiaolong\” has a successful career and is respected by others. However, three of his four children were \”problem teenagers.\” Fighting, getting into trouble, being tired of studying, and getting zero marks in exams. Later, after his careful training, these four children turned out to be very successful. When talking about education, he said two words: slow education. He said: teachDon’t be too anxious when raising children, don’t seek temporary speed and efficiency, don’t judge children based on their current performance, and respect the differences of each child. He mentioned that when the second child was in junior high school, his grades were very poor and he even scored zero in the exam. He was anxious but encouraged the child to do what he liked. Later, when he entered high school, the second child became obsessed with wrestling again, and he still supported him as always. The children feel respected and gradually understand their parents\’ painstaking efforts. From then on, he began to study hard and became a doctor of medicine in a famous university. There is a phenomenon in psychology: parents attack their children at a subconscious level. For example: When there is a problem, parents want to solve it immediately without giving their children time to buffer. Or, you try your best to stop what your child wants to do and let your child do it at your own pace. This kind of attack is subconsciously telling your child, \”You are weak, you need help, and you can\’t achieve great things.\” The essence of education is to guide children to generate inner driving force and do things proactively and consciously. Therefore, parents must learn to \”wait\”: wait for the child to discover his problems on his own; when the child is dawdling, you must learn to wait for him to experience the consequences; when the child makes a mistake, please wait and let him bear the consequences; in everything Don\’t be too anxious. Give your child time to grow up, and the freer his life will be. Be \”weak\”: Use softness to overcome strength and conquer your children. I once saw a netizen complaining about his \”perfect mother\” on Zhihu. Growing up, no matter what he did, his mother would take the initiative to do it for him. Even if he is sick and uncomfortable, he still has to get up in the morning to make breakfast for him. When he had minor conflicts at school, his mother would rush in front of him to resolve them for him. Later, he became more and more dependent on his mother. When he got to college, sometimes when there was a conflict, he would ask his mother \”what to do.\” We always feel that if we do more for our children, their growth will be easier. However, \”powerful\” parents actually trap their children in a cage, causing them to lose the opportunity to express themselves. In a program called \”Super Brain Youth League\”, Dang Yitong, a young boy born in the 2000s, showed his amazing talent in programming. Later, when talking about his educational experience, his mother said: \”Dang Yitong has been very capable of doing things since he was a child, but this is because we have cultivated his ability since he was a child, which is that I like to show weakness and let the children solve problems by themselves. \”To educate children, we must learn to let them accumulate experience in solving problems. Shen Yifei, a professor at Fudan University, once said: \”The more powerful a parent is, the more he or she must learn to fold their wings, because our powerful adults will become a ceiling for our children\’s development.\” Therefore, parents should learn to \”overcome rigidity with softness\” and use retreat to advance. Inspire children to have more power and responsibility. When parents are \”weak\”, children will become strong. We need to give our children opportunities to show their value. The greater his value, the greater his ability. Learn to \”listen\”: Give your children a chance to speak. In today\’s parent-child relationship, \”listening\” has become the biggest obstacle for parents: when a child fails an exam and comes home crying, the parents don\’t listen to the reason and think it\’s a big deal; when a child gets into trouble, the parents don\’t ask why. Beating and scolding children; children say they are a little stressed, and parents scold them, \”I think you want to be lazy\”… These children are often \”rejected to speak\” by their parentsSons, they are actually very painful inside: it is useless to talk to their parents, because they will never get understanding; they will feel that they will not be scolded if they keep it in their hearts, so they grow up depressed and painful. Carnegie, the master of relationship science, said: If you want to be a good talker, you must first become a good listener. \”Listening\” is not simply listening. Its deeper meaning is: giving the child the opportunity to express; understanding his dilemma and his inner thoughts. Respect him and love him. One netizen said: When he was a child, he was called a nickname and he was very angry. So he would hit anyone who called him a nickname. Later, the teacher discovered his behavior and called him to the office. He thought the teacher was going to criticize her and was too scared to look up. Unexpectedly, the teacher said to him: \”I know you don\’t usually hit others. There must be some reason why you do this. Please tell the teacher.\” He said: That was the first time I felt deeply accepted. A feeling, she made me feel like I wasn\’t a bad kid. Research shows that parents who are good at listening are of great significance to children\’s growth: on the one hand, children can vent their emotions and are less likely to be depressed; on the other hand, children will trust their parents and are willing to share their concerns with them, which is conducive to establishing a good relationship. parent-child relationship. Therefore, parents must learn to give their children the right to speak and let their hearts come closer to you. I once read a passage: \”Why do doctors tend to be more Buddhist when raising children, while teachers are more strict when raising children?\” \”Because teachers have seen the best children, and doctors have seen the most regretful parents.\” Children only grow up once, So we try not to let the child live in too much pain, otherwise you will regret it for life. Really powerful parents will not use brute force on their children: if they love themselves more, their children\’s world will be more warm; if their emotions are more stable, their children\’s personalities will be sounder; if their parents are \”weaker\”, their children will be stronger; The more \”tolerance\” you give your child, the faster he will grow. If you want to grow up to be a good parent, then please be both your child\’s source of energy and his harbor.