Reasons and solutions for children’s procrastination

When children are growing up, when faced with procrastination and dilly-dallying, it is not about urging them, but to guide them in the right way so that they can form good habits. A few days before kindergarten started, there was often a rush scene in our house. My husband always said, hurry up, hurry up, he will be late soon. I thought that Dabao had already gotten up, but he still stayed in bed and refused to get up. For this reason, in the first few days, I was often angry because of the urging. Later, I realized that this was really not good. If the children were not happy, we would not be happy. Finally, I was thinking about why I couldn’t get up. Children are often urged and threatened. Although they take action, they only passively accept it and are not willing to act from the bottom of their hearts. To put it simply, there is no voluntary and spontaneous driving force. At this time, what needs to be done is not to urge or threaten the children with authority, but to let the children take the initiative to take responsibility for their own actions. Let children bear natural consequences. When children grow up, the reason why they procrastinate and dilly-dally is often because they have never taken the initiative to take responsibility for their own actions. Most of them are passively urged by their parents, and sometimes they are even lectured and threatened by their parents when they can\’t wait and their anger is high. These are the driving forces from the outside world, and the child will subconsciously feel that this is what you asked and forced me to do, not what I wanted. On the contrary, if the child can proactively adjust his behavior to cope with the needs of the moment and make reasonable responses, it will produce intrinsic motivation. Only if the child is mentally prepared and able to accept it, will it be more acceptable to the child than preaching, threatening, urging, and other behaviors. The book \”Parent Challenge\” once said: Instead of parents, urging, preaching, and threatening, it is better to let children learn to experience natural consequences, and let children take responsibility voluntarily and voluntarily. At first, Dabao was always dragging his feet, causing him to be late for school. After arriving at school, I was always afraid that Dabao would be criticized by the teacher, so I would always explain it first. But I found that the result of what I did was that Dabao began to treat being late as a habit, and even felt that being late was okay. I realized this was a serious issue, even affecting elementary school. I stopped urging her and told her at the same time, after arriving at school, you should explain and communicate with the teacher yourself as to why you were late today. She asked me to talk to the teacher, and I said, this is your own matter, you should talk to the teacher yourself, and you will be responsible for your own actions. When I made up my mind and stopped explaining to the teacher because I felt sorry for her. Dabao began to bear the natural consequences of being late for his own behavior. Although being told by the teacher made her unhappy, he would take the initiative to restrain himself when necessary and do what he should do. For example, now that school is over, you don’t need me to rush you. When you get home and have something to eat, you start to take the initiative to complete the homework assigned by the teacher for the day. But remember, letting children bear natural consequences does not include submission and humiliation. Instead, we use the initiative to take responsibility and let the children take responsibility for their own actions. This also includes the fact that parents are sometimes appropriately cruel. This kind of cruelty seems to make the children feel wronged, but in fact, it allows the children to be tempered and grown in the true sense with appropriate cruelty. Create opportunities for children to take responsibility for their actions. Instead of constantly threatening and intimidating children on their growth path, it is better to create opportunities for children to take responsibility for their actions. exampleFor example, Dabao didn’t put away the toys he was playing with. I no longer said angrily, why didn’t you put away the toys again? If you don’t put them away, you can’t play. Instead, create opportunities to let her understand the importance of organizing her toys. For example, I will specially take her to the supermarket and walk around the toys. At this time, she would tell me, Mom, I want to buy a toy like this. I said of course, but you must first learn to put away the toys at home. If you put away the toys at home every time you play with them, then we You can continue to add new toys. Because I like my home to be neat and tidy. Therefore, after creating two opportunities, Dabao began to develop the habit of storing and organizing. Even if he occasionally forgets, he will take action as soon as he is reminded, and he is no longer angry about collecting toys. If you don\’t put them away, I won\’t buy you toys. Of course you want toys, honey, but you have to sort out the toys at home first. The former is punishment, and the latter is to allow children to experience the importance of doing something and being responsible for their own actions in the opportunities created by their parents. Good children are encouraged. Good children are encouraged by their parents. The more children are encouraged, the more motivated they will be, because blaming and complaining will not make children better. They will also start to give up on themselves and question themselves because of their parents\’ accusations. Therefore, encourage and praise children more in life, and praise their inner drive. Just like Dabao didn\’t like to write math before, but when she did math correctly seriously, I would praise her, baby, how did she solve this problem. Teach your mother, she has been thinking about it for a long time and has not figured it out. How do you think about it? After hearing this, the children feel that they are very powerful, and they will be very confident and patient in explaining this question to me. At this time, I will draw inferences and ask questions. Let the children continue to get in-depth thinking and exercise on this question. At the same time, the children will also become confident and powerful because of my encouragement. By praising children with a growth mindset, children will become more and more motivated and at the same time more willing to challenge the impossible. When doing math problems, you will no longer feel afraid of difficulties, and you will even feel that you are a thoughtful and patient person. The book \”Parent Challenge\” once said: On the road of children\’s growth, parents\’ words are used to inspire, motivate, and help their children, rather than to suppress or offend their children. Therefore, what we have to do is not to supervise and urge our children all the time, but to let our children develop the habit of self-discipline and responsibility for themselves from an early age. Only in this way, when the child grows up, he will grow into an independent, responsible and responsible individual because of his own responsibility and responsibility.