Regardless of whether you have money or not, you must be generous to your children in four aspects, otherwise your children will be prone to low self-esteem throughout their lives.

School started two days ago, and Lele, a neighbor\’s child, was in the same class as her son. Through the window, he lowered his head and hunched his back, looking timid and not as lively and cheerful as he was last semester. Lele\’s daily summer vacation routine appeared in my mind unconsciously. He comes from a very good family, his parents are doing business in other places, so he has lived with his grandmother since he was a child. Every time when the child helps to carry the bag when he goes out, his grandma will immediately say: \”You can\’t carry it, don\’t lose it.\” When playing downstairs in the community, the grandma next to him is always discouraging him: \”Oh! Look! You have bad grades and bad sports. What should you do in the future? \”Lele wanted to try new things with her son during the summer vacation, but her grandma said, \”This kid has no patience for things. I think it\’s better to forget about it!\” She didn\’t like to play with him, so Lele was kept at home by her grandma every day. The next time I saw him was when school started. His eyes seemed to have lost their light, and his whole person looked submissive. I have read something Freud said: What determines a person\’s happiness in life is whether he has low self-esteem in childhood. The more confident and cheerful children are, the more likely they are to turn danger into disaster and walk out on the bright road; the more inferior and cowardly children are, the more depressed they will be and make their lives a mess. However, no child is born with low self-esteem. Most of the reasons why children have low self-esteem stem from improper family education. So, how to raise a confident and bright child? No matter what the financial conditions of the family are, smart parents know how to be generous to their children in these four aspects. Don’t be stingy with praise. Some time ago, physician Li Xin told a true story. A mother came for consultation with her sophomore daughter Li Nan. The mother said that her daughter suddenly stopped going to school and spent all night playing games or eating, drinking and sleeping at home. She beat and scolded him, but the child just refused to go to school and even said that he was a good-for-nothing waste. After some inquiries, Li Xin discovered that the cause of the child\’s illness was her mother. Ever since she was a child, her mother would criticize her daughter constantly if she made any small mistakes: \”How can you be worthy of my efforts?\” Once, Li Nan accidentally forgot to write the homework assigned by her mother. Before she could explain, her mother would criticize her. When I drove out of the house, it was already very late. There are too many such things, which seriously consume Li Nan\’s energy and energy. After repeated confrontations and doubts, she gradually felt that she was really bad, and she only felt a sense of frustration and powerlessness in her heart. There is a concept in psychology: positive authority expectations. This means that if you want a person to become bad, keep suppressing and denying him; if you want a person to become better, then keep affirming him and encouraging him, and he will develop in the direction you expect. So, how should parents affirm their children and let them blossom into self-confidence? First, when praising the process and hard work of their children for their progress or achievements, many parents will say: \”You are so smart\” and \”You are awesome.\” A better way to express it is: \”This time was great. I worked hard and took it very seriously. Mom and Dad can see it. I hope you will keep up the good work.\” Praise them for their diligence and persistence, rather than their innate ability. talent. Second, praise specific details. The more specific the better, and the more specific the more effective it is. Some time ago, my son drew a picture at school and showed it to his father and me. His dad said: \”It\’s great, this painting is beautiful! You are so awesome!\” I said: \”The color combination of your painting looks really good! How did you come up with the idea? \”After my son listened to what I said, he was obviously happier and recognized my words more. This is praising the details. The more targeted the praise, the more convincing it is, and the child will know where to work hard. There is a lesson in not stingy companionship in education. A well-known \”scissor effect\” means that the longer parents spend with their children when they are young, the easier it will be to educate them when they grow up. \”Queen of Diving\” Guo Jingjing is a good example of this. She and Huo Qigang have always believed that companionship cannot be spared. Both of them are very busy at work, but they still find time to spend time with their children during the holidays. They will take their children to travel, see art exhibitions, see the scenery, and hold family gatherings at home. I take my children to make lanterns and learn to bake. On weekends, a family of five will stay together to play cards, cook, and do crafts… Guo Jingjing once said: \”Taking care of children cannot be left to others, only me. Only then can she leave the best to her children.\” Therefore, during the childhood stages of several children, she almost gave up all her work and devoted herself to growing up with her children. Huo Qigang also said in the interview: \”The work is indeed very busy, but I I insist on getting up early every day and have breakfast with my son before going to work. If you don\’t cherish this time, your child will grow up quickly. I read a passage from writer Liu Yong: \”The most important thing in family education is companionship. From childhood to adolescence, we must accompany the children to share happy times, laugh with them, and grow together.\” \”After all, there is no repeat of education, and a child only grows up once. Love your child well and accompany him to grow up. We will find that with high-quality company, they become confident and cheerful, full of energy, and full of energy. Full of longing and yearning for the future. Not stingy with educational resources. In the past two days, Zhang Xuefeng and his daughter Zhang Wei (nian) Han jointly recorded a variety show – \”Winter and Summer Vacation\”. He himself also became popular with his excellent educational concepts. Circle. Zhang Xuefeng said: \”My daughter, you can do whatever you want. As a parent, I will always be your strong support. \”How did he do it? Zhang Xuefeng planned a sharp and practical path for his daughter to enter higher education since she was a child. In elementary school, he sent his daughter to a public school in Suzhou; in middle school, he sent her to an international school, so as to avoid being included in the high school entrance examination; waiting for college At that time, he planned for his daughter to go to the University of Hong Kong and pursue a master\’s degree. He also took care of her daughter\’s hobbies. Zhang Xuefeng liked painting, so Zhang Xuefeng opened an art school for her and let his employees\’ children attend classes for free. : \”The trip must be first class, five-star hotel, I have prepared more money for her than she can spend in a lifetime, and she can do whatever she wants. \”Even on a variety show, Zhang Xuefeng racked his brains for his daughter, and even used his \”connections\” to write a letter to the host Wang Han. The letter only had three words: Please. I hope this friend can help take care of him. Zhang Xuefeng’s approach of sparing no effort in choosing the learning path that best suits his children based on his in-depth understanding of their personality is really enviable, although we ordinary families may not be able to provide the same education for their children. Too much financial support for him.The saying \”parents provide support and allow children to grow freely\” applies to all parents in the world. What can we do? 1. Discover children’s interests. Children’s interests are the best teachers. The first rule of educating children is: rather than blindly following trends, it is better to spend time observing your children and understand their needs and hobbies. Is it an animal or a plant? Is it astrophysics? Or literature or art? Once the child\’s interest point is found, parents do not need to do anything else. They only need to provide corresponding resources and help around this interest point, so that the child can learn naturally driven by interest. 2. Provide diverse learning methods. Family education is not a competition, but a journey of making progress together with your children. In the era of information explosion, children\’s learning methods are not limited to books and cram schools. It could be the library, an online course, a field trip, or even a home experiment. In short, respect your children\’s rhythm and guide them to overcome unknowns and challenges. In diversified learning, children can also build a more comprehensive knowledge system, so that they can be confident and calm in future life tests. Don’t be stingy about social experiences. In life, have you ever seen this type of child: always having conflicts with classmates and not being able to resolve conflicts; being a “lone ranger” who doesn’t like to talk to others, has a timid personality and is afraid of showing off; and can’t always make friends. Even when seeing friends, I don’t dare to stand on the podium. I stutter and blush when I speak… There are too many such cases in life. This is the case for the neighbor kid Xiaojie. Before the age of five, Xiaojie\’s mother felt that her child was still too young, so she rarely took her downstairs and almost never played with friends in the community. Later, when I went to kindergarten, I discovered that my son had not learned to speak fully. Whenever there were people around, he liked to hide behind her. Look at other children of the same age who are generous and confident. Xiaojie\’s mother regretted it very much. So, she asked us for advice on how to make children generous and cheerful, and how to cultivate children\’s social skills. Parents of Niuwa in the community have enthusiastically come up with suggestions: attend more family gatherings and take their children downstairs to play with their peers; if conditions permit, they can take their children to participate in summer camps and volunteer activities to exercise their children\’s courage; of course, the most important thing is to exercise People are still setting up stalls in night markets, communicating with all kinds of people, children\’s thinking will become more active, and their face will naturally become \”thick\”. I have seen Principal Qian of Beijing No. 4 Middle School share an educational perspective before: a child or a person must be constructed in four aspects. The first is biological construction. In other words, people must be able to adapt to changes in the environment, respond quickly to dangers, and have the ability to survive. The second is the construction of personality. A person needs to have character, cultivation, humanity and faith. Again, it is the construction of sociality. It is manifested in interpersonal relationships, moral cultivation, social rules, artistic aesthetics, etc. Finally, there is the instrumental construction. That is, knowledge, abilities, skills, etc. Among them, sociality and sociability run through the whole process, affecting children\’s personality development and the cultivation of knowledge and ability. As Carnegie told us: Success = 15% professional skills + 85% interpersonal relationships. In the future society, good social skills will enable children not to be afraid of any situation and are an indispensable soft power for children.. Therefore, now, rich social activities should also be the first lesson for children to enter society. I would like to encourage all parents and hope that all children can grow self-confidence from the bottom of their bones.