Saying these words hurts more than hitting a child

In the past, some people believed that \”beating is affection, scolding is love\” and they inflicted verbal and behavioral violence on their children and called it \”love\”. Nowadays, everyone knows that this will hurt children, but as everyone knows, sometimes adults feel that they are not malicious, making children feel more scared than being slapped! 01 \”Mom won\’t want you if you keep doing this!\” Mothers often threaten their children like this when their children cry or have a tantrum. And it seemed to be very effective. The child immediately stopped crying and started to move away. So after repeated attempts, I got used to saying this. However, in fact, this is taking advantage of the child\’s dependence on himself to harm the child. When a child hears this, he will fall into extreme fear and anxiety, and because you are the most important and familiar person in his life, he will not dare to leave you. Therefore, threatening the child over and over again is tantamount to depriving the child of a sense of security again and again, leaving a lingering shadow on his psychology. 02 \”Let me give you to XX\’s family to be a child.\” Adults like to joke with each other, such as \”Give you to your aunt\’s family to be a child.\” Children can\’t understand the jokes between adults. He can only understand two points. : Mom doesn’t want me anymore; I can’t go home anymore and have to go to my aunt’s house. Then a voice will appear in his heart: Does my mother not love me anymore? The more I think about it, the sadder I feel. But the adults enjoyed it so much that they even pointed out a \”new mother\” to the child in person and asked the child if he wanted to. The child looked around at a loss. Everyone, including his own mother, was smiling. , the inner pain became even heavier. 03 \”Why are you so stupid?\” The most taboo thing when talking to children is labeling. By labeling your children \”stupid\”, you seem to be standing on the commanding heights of truth and can give orders as you please. However, what parents have not thought about is that their intention is just to call the child \”stupid\” in this matter, or at a specific moment, and they do not intend to completely deny the child, but in fact the message received by the child It\’s \”Mom/Dad says I\’m stupid.\” There are two consequences: 1. The child thinks he is stupid, starts to feel inferior, and even gives up on himself. 2. I feel that my parents hate me, and then I start to hate my parents. Why did I make myself so stupid? No matter what the situation is, it is not conducive to the healthy development of the parent-child relationship and the child\’s mental health. 04 \”If you don\’t even know how to do this, what else do you think you will do?\” It is obvious that these words spoken by parents have almost no meaning, but are purely to vent their emotions. This kind of thing is too much even if it is said to a peer, let alone a child who is absolutely disadvantaged. No one is born knowing what to do. Even if he has taught his children before, it is not an unforgivable sin if he no longer knows how to do it. If parents do not have enough patience, it will be difficult to cultivate their children\’s confidence. 05 \”Forget it, let me do it.\” Sometimes it is really difficult to teach children something, but once you have agreed to let the children do it by themselves, you must stick to it. For example, when teaching a child to wash the dishes, but the child does it very slowly, seeing that the rice is almost ready and the dishes haven’t been washed yet, he quickly says, “Forget it, I’ll do it.” thisThis interrupts the child\’s learning process and makes him lose the opportunity to exercise again. It will aggravate the child\’s self-doubt and feel that he can\’t do anything well. Often a character with low self-esteem is accumulated from such small things. 06 \”I\’ve been so tired all day just because of you.\” As soon as I say this sentence, it kidnaps the child\’s emotions. First of all, parents must work hard every day because of their children, and this kind of overly absolute expression puts a heavy burden of guilt on the children. It seems that I am guilty of causing my parents to suffer so much. At the same time, you may also feel confused: Why did I suddenly become a sinner? In fact, if you want to express your thoughts, just change it. For example, \”Mom has worked all day today and has to cook before taking a break. She is really tired. Can you come and help sweep the floor?\” Telling the child specific wishes and possible actions is far better than scolding them directly. The effect is much better. Psychological research shows that the influence of childhood family will follow the child throughout his life. Therefore, when talking to children, always be clear that children also have dignity, and parents and children are equal in personality. Moreover, parents are faced with a child who is much weaker than themselves, and the real harm caused to the child by his rude words is hundreds or thousands of times more serious than they expected.