See how smart parents change their children’s stubborn temper

Many parents will wonder: What is the reason that turns a child who should be youthful and energetic into a stubborn and resistant \”cold-faced man\”? The book \”Cultivating Children with High Emotional Intelligence\” points out: \”The way parents communicate with their children emotionally determines the development of their children\’s emotional intelligence.\” If parents are used to ignoring their children\’s dignity and dealing with them in a coercive way, this will bring about The harm will not only damage the parent-child relationship, but also raise a child with low emotional intelligence. The more \”hard\” the parents are, the more \”rigid\” the children will be. There is a type of child who will be like an irritable hedgehog when facing their parents, and will \”prick\” people from time to time. He uses every possible means to fight against his parents, and his emotional intelligence becomes more and more worrying. Methods and techniques for managing children\’s emotions. Parenting books: How to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence. Ultra-clear PDF. Irritable, loses temper, yells frequently, has very weak emotional control; is rebellious, stubborn, and unable to accept other people\’s opinions. Many times, I have to defend myself when I am unreasonable. Although children may be kind, caring, and have good academic performance, their shortcomings in character make them seem somewhat unpopular. There is a warning in the parenting world: \”Children\’s problems are all adults\’ problems.\” The reason why children show low emotional intelligence lies with their parents. Some parents always impose orders on their children from a high position and use coercive methods to crush their children\’s self-esteem, self-awareness and feelings, step by step intensifying their children\’s inner sense of resistance and defensive psychology. The strong communication method and imitation are replicated in the children. Finally, the \”hardness\” of adults creates the \”hardness\” of children. There is a boy named Kunpeng in \”Interviews with Liangzi\”. His father\’s military stick was his nightmare growing up. If the test scores were not high enough, he would be beaten; if he tried to persuade his father not to be educated with sticks, he would be slapped in the face… The causes planted by his father would eventually bear bitter fruits. Kunpeng suffered from mania and depression when he was in junior high school. His mental state was extremely poor and he also developed violent tendencies. There is no doubt that parents love their children deeply and hope that their children can go on the right path. However, if they cannot change their way of thinking and give up the communication mode of challenging their children, it will only intensify this \”vicious cycle\” of mutual harm. The \”softer\” the parents are, the more \”docile\” the child will be. Bad communication methods can destroy a child, but good communication methods will save a child. After listening to Dong Yuhui\’s story about \”maternal love and a bowl of chicken soup\”, I realized that the \”softness\” of parents can heal the \”thorns\” of children. At first, Hui\’s mother was more aggressive. She would talk back to her son no matter what she said. The mother and son would quarrel over the smallest things. The angry mother even beat her son with a stick. Later, in the summer of his sophomore year in high school, Dong Yuhui was injured and stayed home from school. In order to help his broken leg heal quickly, his mother tried every means to make him nourishing soup to supplement his nutrition. But Dong Yuhui, the ignorant \”picky boy\”, sometimes thought there was too much tangerine peel, and sometimes said there was too much pepper, but refused to drink the soup. This time, Hui\’s mother did not argue with her son, but quietly took the soup away, wrapped all the seasonings in gauze, and made another pot of soup. Dong’s mother no longer “face-to-face” with her adolescent son, but insteadA softer and more powerful approach opens the door to the child\’s heart and allows him to feel a warmer family relationship. It was the sudden awakening that summer that made Teacher Dong a dual-business, humorous teacher. The more parents compete with their children to win or lose, the more they blind their children and turn the family into a fighting arena. In every fight, there is no winner. Parents know how to \”submit softness\” and solve problems calmly. While setting a good example, they also let their children learn to control themselves and feel love. In this family atmosphere, everyone wins. I think of a college classmate I once had. She was always kind and smiling to everyone. Even when she had minor frictions with others, she could negotiate with them very decently and calmly. Later I learned that her emotional stability stemmed from the influence her family had on her. Her parents had a peaceful personality and respected each other. Children from such a family would naturally be good. This high emotional intelligence has won her good popularity and marriage, and her life now is very comfortable. There is a saying that says: \”Emotional quotient can affect a person\’s achievement more than IQ.\” Compared with those children who talk like guns and carry sticks and have big mood swings, allowing children to have emotional self-control, a positive attitude and good communication skills will help them Become the cornerstone of your child\’s lifelong happiness and success. Three paragraphs of the Heart Sutra on Parenting to Be Smart Parents In fact, children\’s emotional intelligence is like a business card. If you want to make this business card sparkling and popular, parents should use a brush to outline more beautiful lines instead of adding mistakes. In this regard, here are three parenting suggestions to help parents change the \”hard\” communication mode and raise their children in a different way. You may wish to refer to it. 1. Use more \”non-violent language\”. The so-called \”violent language\” refers to statements that contain negative emotions such as accusations, ridicule, and belittling. As the saying goes: \”A kind word warms three winters, but a bad word hurts someone in six months.\” A common language habit that parents need to change is to convert irritating \”evaluative language\” into non-violent \”objective description\”, so that It can put an end to the phenomenon of labeling and avoid arousing children\’s resentment. For example, when your child hasn\’t cleaned up his desk, you can say: \”There are three books and five pens on the desk.\” Instead of scolding: \”Why are you so lazy? The room is dirtier than a pigsty.\” The previous line is Tip, the next sentence becomes an attack. The same thing, but different ways of expressing it, will bring about different feelings and coping modes for children. In addition, ask your children more about their thoughts, listen to their voices, and encourage them to express themselves instead of always ordering them. This accepted emotional link will make parent-child communication warm and smooth. 2. Learn to apologize to your children. When Li Xueqin was in high school, she was texting a male classmate one day. When her class teacher saw it, she told Li Xueqin’s mother and reminded her to check her daughter’s phone. In the evening, when Li Xueqin came home from school, her mother solemnly said: \”I want to apologize to you. After I opened your phone, I clicked on the message icon. I felt very guilty. I promise I didn\’t see a single message.\” Until Now, Li Xueqin is still moved to tears when recalling this past event. She also admitted that she has a very good relationship with her mother and they are very comfortable together. The mother let go of her parental authority, but gained the child\’sRespect and trust also lay a bright foundation for the child\’s character. Parents are not perfect. When we behave inappropriately, we apologize to our children in time and say \”I\’m sorry\”. This will not damage the dignity of our parents, but will win the inner respect of our children and soften the thorns in our children. 3. Put the brakes on negative emotions in time. Some time ago, I was tortured by my daughter’s homework. She was a bit procrastinating and careless in her homework. I couldn\’t help but lose my temper and get angry in a hurry. My daughter was not to be outdone and always quarreled with me. I was exhausted physically and mentally, but because of an epiphany of my own, I finally turned the situation around. Last night, my daughter\’s homework was difficult and heavy. She was so sad that she started crying. I was so angry that I wanted to scold her right away: \”It\’s useless to cry. You have to finish writing even if you cry.\” But I gritted my teeth and held back from having an attack. He sat quietly with her and said \”against his will\”: \”Forget it if you don\’t want to write, let\’s have a rest today.\” The daughter\’s cry subsided and she shook her head gently: \”I want to write Finished.\” Then, she calmed down for a moment and started writing again. This incident was very subtle, but it had a strong impact on me. It made me realize that everyone can be the master of emotions, not the slave of emotions. When you find that negative emotions are spreading, stop them by introspecting, pausing, diverting attention, etc. As long as you have awareness and the will to change, you will find that it is not that difficult. Only when parents truly achieve emotional stability can they have more energy to tolerate, accept, help their children regulate their emotions, and stimulate their own introspection. Freud once said: \”Although a person\’s childhood experiences will gradually be forgotten as time goes by, and even disappear from the conscious level, they will stubbornly hide in the subconscious mind and have a lasting impact on a person\’s life. The influence of childhood.\” Childhood is short, but the duration of childhood is long. EQ Gate: How to Cultivate Children with High Emotional Intelligence [US] Shapiro, Shi Meihua PDF download To educate children, it is not necessary for one party to suppress the other, but to use bit by bit demonstration and influence to bring them from the inside out. Transformation and growth. On this stumbling journey, what children need most is not a cold tyrant or a domineering overseer. What they desire most is a firm companion and gentle supervisor. The former brings fear and resistance to children, while the latter allows children to draw unlimited strength and courage. As parents, we must position ourselves well and \”soften\” ourselves first before we can melt the ice and cold in our children\’s hearts and turn their childhood into colorful candy colors.