Self-control is the key to affecting a child\’s life. By learning these methods, you can train your child\’s self-control at home.

Everything you want to know about self-control may be here. Recently, I have received a lot of messages related to self-control. A mother said that her son was so irritated by his homework that he had to write for 5 minutes, daze for 10 minutes, and play with toys for 15 minutes. Some mothers also say that when their daughters are not satisfied, they lose their temper, cry, and even act out. Some mothers said that their children want to buy everything they see. There are a lot of toys at home, and they still want to buy them. They are all worried, what should they do if their children lack self-control? The famous marshmallow experiment introduced before is about self-control. Dr. Walter Mischel of Stanford University found that children who were able to restrain themselves from eating the first marshmallow and wait longer for the second marshmallow had significantly better academic performance than children who waited shorter. Their SAT scores were an average of 210 points higher. In addition, they also show obvious advantages in other aspects, such as stronger social skills, higher body mass index, etc. Excluding academic and career achievements and looking only at the small things in life, it is easy to find that people who lack self-control are often stuck in the quagmire of obesity, chanting slogans about losing weight while gnawing on cream cakes; Spend a boring night, and then go to work exhausted the next day… Self-control is related to all aspects and can affect our lives, even beyond IQ. -One brain, two selves-In fact, self-control is something we are born with. Self-control (willpower), simply put, is the ability to control one\’s attention, emotions and desires. We use this ability to harness the three forces of “I will,” “I won’t,” and “I want.” There is a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. Professor Robert Saborsky, a neurobiologist at Stanford University, believes that its main function is to make people choose \”harder things.\” This is the direction that self-control wants. The prefrontal cortex is divided into three areas, which respectively control the three powers of \”I want to do\”, \”I don\’t want\” and \”I want\”, and then respectively support people to complete boring and difficult work, resist temptation and persist in themselves. The goal. Children\’s prefrontal cortex is always in the process of development, and their self-control is immature. They cannot sit still, cannot concentrate for a long time, cannot resist the temptation of candy, and give up on doing things halfway. It is normal. But why do we, as adults, still find it difficult, even extremely difficult, to control ourselves? Because, although we have one brain, there are two selves in the brain: one is the impulsive self, greedy for pleasure; the other is the restrained self, long-term and far-sighted. We are always wavering between two selves. There is a discount in the mall, and the impulsive self thinks that we should stock up on the bargain, but the restrained self insists on not buying unnecessary things. When children do homework, it is a similar battle between heaven and man (think of us when we were children). On the one hand, the \”impulsive self\” told him to watch cartoons; on the other hand, the \”restrained self\” warned him that he should do his homework well. Once the impulsive self overwhelms the restrained self, the child loses self-control and cannot concentrate on homework. -Like a muscle, it can be exercised – but fortunately, self-control isLike a muscle, willpower can be enhanced through exercise. We can help children gain stronger willpower through conscious training (including ourselves, of course). First, help your children recognize their emotions and figure out why they are out of control. Ogawa would be angry with himself because Lego was not as good as he wanted. Sometimes, he would beat his chest and complain about \”why he is so stupid.\” At this time, I would try to communicate with him like this to help him recognize his emotions: \”The Lego is not built well. Does Xiaochuan feel a little frustrated? So he is angry with himself? This is normal. Mom can\’t write articles well. Sometimes, I feel sad and depressed.\” Then, we work together to devise ways to get rid of the bad mood and regain a good mood, such as changing the idea of ​​​​Lego, or playing with other easier toys. By figuring out why something is out of control, kids (and we) can actually fix it. If the bad mood is allowed to develop, Ogawa may mistakenly think that Lego is the cause of his anger, and gradually stop playing with it. Secondly, exercise. It may seem weird, but scientists have indeed discovered that exercise is a great way to improve self-control. Neurobiologists have found that physical exercise can promote the production of more gray and white matter in the human brain, thereby promoting connections between brain cells. As a result, the brain becomes fuller and operates faster, which in turn helps the development of the prefrontal cortex. Exercise can also increase children\’s heart rate variability, allowing them to lower their heart rate, focus on staying calm, and control impulsive behavior when facing stress and temptation. Scientists also say that it doesn’t take much, just 5 minutes a day, “green exercise” of walking outside and returning to nature can be effective. In the game, let the children learn to control themselves. Hide and seek is a magical game with many benefits, including exercising children\’s self-control. When playing hide-and-seek with Ogawa, I would sometimes deliberately pretend that I couldn\’t find him and let him hide for a while. This is actually not easy for children. The younger the child, the easier it is for them to lose their composure and run out on their own. We have to tell him that the longer he hides, the greater his chance of winning, and slowly, the time he can wait will become longer. Similar games include wooden figures; Xiaochuan and I also played \”see who doesn\’t talk for three minutes\”, \”doesn\’t blink\”, \”doesn\’t smile\”, etc. Also, let your children learn to wait. Now, Xiaochuan asks me to play together. Sometimes I will deliberately ask him to wait for a while: \”Mom is busy, can you wait for 5 minutes? Can you play by yourself for a while?\” At the beginning, he would \”take it away\” \”Mom, Mom, come quickly!\” Later, slowly, he learned to wait, and now he sometimes says to me: \”Mom, you will come over in a while, but don\’t worry, I can do it first Play with yourself for a while.\” – Like a muscle, it has its limits – but self-control, like a muscle, has its limits, and it will gradually tire after use. Have you ever noticed that children often have emotional outbursts after restraining and forbearing themselves for a long time? Children are more likely to lose their temper and lose concentration when they are hungry, sleepy, or tired. That\’s because using self-control requires energy. Restrain yourself for a long time, stay focused, resist temptation, control your emotions, and the energy in your body will decrease.When it drops to a certain level, the brain will refuse to provide enough energy for the child to maintain self-control. Therefore, when a child has an energy crisis or reaches the limit of self-control, just let it go. If he is very hungry, give him some cake if he wants to eat; if he is sleepy and dozing off, practice the piano for a while less and let him rest for a while… When he regains his strength, his self-control will come back. -Self-control is contagious-Finally, there is another important point: self-control is contagious. Christaski of Harvard Medical School and Fowler of the University of California, San Diego found that obesity, alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. can all be transmitted among family members and friends. And these bad behaviors are more or less related to the loss of self-control. And children have even lower immunity to infections. Therefore, to improve children\’s self-control, we need to start from ourselves, teach by words and deeds, and \”infect\” good self-control to him. Recently, Xiaochuan and I set up an emotion control competition, \”He controls himself not to cry, and I control myself not to lose my temper.\” Every time Ogawa is about to lose control of his emotions, I will remind him of the existence of the game. Ogawa would immediately restrain himself and calm down, and I would discuss with him the reasons for losing control and think of ways to relieve or release his emotions. The effect is obvious, Xiaochuan\’s crying frequency has been greatly reduced. But I won’t tell you that I lose my temper less often.