Sensible children run away from home: Don’t let your efforts become pressure on your children

Last month, my circle of friends exploded. Everyone was discussing the fact that Sister Jing’s son Niu Niu ran away from home. In our eyes, Niu Niu is an excellent and obedient child who rarely lets his parents worry about him. He is so well-behaved. Why did your child run away from home? It\’s also confusing. Someone accompanied Sister Jing to the police station to watch the surveillance, someone helped put a missing person notice in the media, and they all sent messages about looking for Niu Niu in WeChat Moments. However, it was also this runaway that made us realize that the seeds of Niuniu\’s running away from home were planted two years ago. At that time, Niu Niu was admitted to junior high school, and Sister Jing quit her job to accompany her son. She wanted to give her son the best care. She took over all the housework and did not let Niu Niu participate. When her grades fell a little, she blamed Niu Niu for not studying hard, and even Niu Niu did his homework. Every time, she would stand by with fruit in hand. From Sister Jing\’s point of view, this is her meticulous care, but from the child\’s point of view, this is more like strict supervision, which makes him completely suffocated. The relationship between mother and son worsened, and it was not until he finally resisted by giving up his studies and running away from home that Sister Jing realized that she was pushing too hard. She said that as long as the child came back, everything would be easy to discuss. Faced with the child\’s strong resistance, she chose to compromise. Niu Niu took the initiative to contact his father on the third day after he disappeared. He asked his father to live on campus. He really couldn\’t accept the life of being monitored by his mother intensively. What\’s worse is that he has been living under his mother\’s care. He couldn\’t be independent and couldn\’t hold his head up in front of his classmates. He was always laughed at. He didn\’t want to live such a life anymore. When Sister Jing heard these words from her husband, her first reaction was anger. She felt that she had given so much but failed to get the recognition of her children. However, in order not to lose her children, she could only agree to Niu Niu\’s proposal to live in school. There are many parents like Sister Jing around me. Some parents must plan their children\’s lives and intervene in their children\’s lives again and again for your own good reasons. Some will use various reasons to deceive their children who are far away from home. Go home just to let them find a stable job; some intervene in their children\’s love and marriage as elders, and those who are not satisfied with it can\’t do it… Parents who are unwilling to let go will only break their children\’s flying wings again and again. But he turned around and blamed the child: Why can\’t you fly? Last year, Aunt Mei\’s daughter went to study abroad, and people always asked her what she should do when she wanted to have children. Aunt Mei’s answer was very domineering: What can we do? Find something to do by yourself. Aunt Mei is different from many parents. When all parents are particularly anxious, she is relatively calm. She rarely imposes her own ideas on her daughter. She and her daughter have the intimacy of mother and daughter. feelings, but at the same time maintaining appropriate boundaries, each has its own independent life and circle. I said I really envied her willingness to let go, but she said that she had been anxious a long time ago. After her daughter graduated from elementary school, she signed up to take the provincial key junior high school admissions exam. She shared the good news with her parents only after passing the exam. Aunt Mei was both happy and worried at the time. What was great was that her daughter knew how to carve out a path for herself at a young age. , what worries me is that to study in a provincial key junior high school, I will have to live a boarding life, and I will have to leave my hometown. Aunt Mei was veryChang hesitated whether to let his child fly or stay with him. After careful consideration, he decided to follow his daughter\’s own ideas and let her leave her hometown to study. After the child left her side, Aunt Mei went through a long and uneasy process. However, when she saw that her daughter was getting better and better, her doubts were gradually dispelled and she accepted the fact that her daughter was gradually becoming independent. Of course, when her daughter was confused and needed help When the time comes, she is never absent. Aunt Mei said that it is precisely because children have chosen their own path that they will cherish their choices more and know how to take responsibility for their own lives. Now that my daughter is studying abroad, she has applied for a full scholarship based on her excellent grades, which does not increase the burden on the family. Now that she sees her daughter living a smooth life, she is happy that she did not block her child\’s path to flying. The poet Gibran once wrote in a poem that your children are not actually your children. They are children born of life\’s desire for itself. They came to this world through you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. Parents cannot feel that they have ownership and decision-making power over their children just because they have given them life. Children have to live their own lives. What parents can do is provide more possibilities and become their invisible wings, allowing them to fly. higher. Parents all hope that their children will be excellent, but children must walk step by step on their own path to excellence. Instead of carefully protecting the wings from wind and rain, it is better to let the children fly by themselves. I was reading Long Yingtai\’s book before, and was touched by this passage: The so-called father-daughter, mother-son scene only means that your fate with him is to watch his back drift away in this life. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him. Don\’t chase, choose to let go, it seems easy, but it is also difficult. Letting go properly does not mean letting go freely. Each stage of growth of a child will have its own unique age characteristics. Parents must know what principles they should understand at what age and what kind of things they can do. Parents must understand and provide guidance according to the corresponding age characteristics. When they are young, you can gradually cultivate your children\’s sense of independence and give them the freedom to choose themselves in small things, such as going to school by themselves and doing homework independently. After consciously forming a sense of independence, you can gradually let go and give your children freedom in other aspects. More freedom. Only when children gain freedom and have the right to make independent choices can they have the opportunity to further learn to be self-conscious, and it will be easier for children to preserve their own nature. When facing the confusion of choosing a variety of choices, actively guide the children in the process of independence. There will definitely be many opportunities to make their own choices, but the variety of choices will also cause trouble to the children. Parents should not directly help their children make decisions, but they can make decisions for their children. Analyze the possible consequences of various choices, actively guide the child to make his own decisions in the future, and let him bear the consequences himself, so that he can better understand the meaning of responsibility. When facing difficulties and setbacks, please be more patient. As your child becomes independent, he will definitely encounter many difficulties. Don’t rush to help him remove obstacles. You can take a step for him, but you cannot help him. he goesThroughout a lifetime, the difficulties that have been eliminated now may appear in another way in the future. Perhaps what you thought was a shortcut will turn out to be a detour for your child. Let children learn to face difficulties on their own, and exercise their ability to handle things when dealing with difficulties. They can also exercise perseverance, grow through setbacks, and fill their wings to fly high in the future.