Seven major behaviors of adolescent children that parents should know

What is the most difficult aspect of raising children? The answer is: adolescence. Adolescence is like a thunder buried in the road of growth. If you are not careful, it will explode at the touch. But at the same time, experts on adolescent psychological issues also pointed out: \”Adolescence is a remedial period for early education defects.\” Adolescent children are like a flower growing on the edge of a cliff, with strong vitality and full of unknown risks. Whether children can grow up healthily in adolescence depends on whether parents understand their children\’s 7 voices. \”Please don\’t criticize me in front of my friends.\” Lu Kun, a scholar in the Ming Dynasty, once proposed that children have \”seven irresponsibility\” for making mistakes, the first of which is \”not taking responsibility for others.\” Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scan PDF version download. An important feature of adolescent psychological development is that the source of children’s self-worth recognition has slowly changed from the affirmation of parents and teachers to the recognition of peers. It can be said that adolescent children grow up relying on the evaluation of their peers. Only by relying on the people around them can they know \”who they are.\” Children who are restless, sensitive, and have strong self-esteem are likely to take extreme actions that harm themselves or others once they lose \”face\” in front of their peers. Remember the 14-year-old boy who jumped off the building after being slapped in the face by his mother in the school corridor? No one knows what kind of avalanche he went through in his heart during those two minutes of silence before he jumped off the railing. A comment under the news expressed the thoughts of all children: \”Has this mother ever thought that when your child is beaten and scolded by you at will, he has his friends and classmates beside him. You trample a child to pieces. His self-esteem was crushed by his mother.\” Zheng Yuanjie once said: \”If you want to destroy your child, you must first destroy your child\’s self-esteem.\” A child\’s face is their \”lizi\”. Maintaining children\’s self-esteem is the most important lesson that every parent of adolescent children should learn. \”Please don\’t speak to me in a commanding tone.\” Many parents know this well. When communicating with adolescent children, they can only speak softly, not forcefully. The more you order him and control him, the more he will fight against you; the tougher you are, the more repulsive and rebellious he will be. Just like a spring, the child will bounce back and resist as much pressure as the parents exert. On the contrary, as much tenderness as parents give, children will return as much kindness as possible. In the TV series \”Little Joy\”, high school student Fang Yifan has a completely different attitude towards his parents. His mother, Dong Wenjie, gave him a \”command education\” and liked to shout around in everything. He either pretended to be \”deaf\” or obeyed in secret. His father, Fangyuan, treated him as an adult. He spoke softly and had a gentle attitude. He could not only listen to , can also be put into the heart. The effect of communication will be different if the tone of speech is different. The tone of parents’ tone determines the kind of children they shape. Use a respectful tone more often, and children will know how to respect others; use a more consultative tone, and children will learn to communicate as equals; use a more trusting tone, and children will have confidence and self-improvement; use an encouraging tone more often, and children will not be afraid to face challenges; use an appreciative tone more often. , the child will always be born towards the sun. A kind word is worth a thousand pieces of gold. The way you talk to your children hides the path your children will take in the future. \”Please don\’t compare me with other children\” almost every timeIn the growth process of every child, there is an old enemy that is indispensable, that is, \”other people\’s children\”. The parents\’ original intention may be to motivate their children, but in the eyes of the children, what they convey is: \”You are terrible\” and \”I am not satisfied with you.\” Such denial is likely to cause adolescent children who are seeking and constructing their own self-worth to fall into the abyss of endless self-doubt and even self-abasement. There was a 13-year-old boy in Nanjing who ran away from home in anger because his father always compared him with other children with better grades. When the police found him, the boy cried: \”My father thinks I am not good at this or that, and he often compares me with other children. He doesn\’t like me.\” The biggest pain for adolescent children is that their parents never recognize them. The sentence \”Look at other people\’s children\” is like a shackle that binds many children for their entire lives. \”Please respect me as an adult,\” said a psychological expert: \”When children enter adolescence, we must change all education models and treat children with respect as their colleagues.\” The deterioration of the relationship between many adolescent children and their parents is due to It starts with disrespect. Do you still remember Wang Meng, a talented scholar from Peking University who wrote a 10,000-word indictment and blackmailed his parents for 6 years? He has been controlled by his parents since he was a child. Even when he went to high school, his parents had to approve his friends. He wanted to learn the Mathematical Olympiad, but his parents wouldn\’t let him. He wanted to study abroad, but his parents refused. Even the color of his clothes had to be decided by his parents… Parents who know how to respect are a disaster for adolescent children. Richard Taylor, the author of \”Minimalist Parenting Rules\”, once mentioned in the book the story of getting along with his adolescent son. Once, he asked his son to go out with him to do errands, but his son was watching TV and refused to leave despite any words. In this regard, he did not get angry, but asked the child the reason very seriously. After learning that this program was his son\’s favorite and that he had been waiting for two weeks for it, Taylorp discussed it with his son, recorded the program, and went out together. Telep said the matter worked out because the child felt respected. Respecting children as adults is the most powerful language to communicate with adolescent children. \”Before rejecting, listen patiently to my point of view.\” I once read a passage: \”The big reason for the tragedy of adolescent children is not that their parents don\’t love enough, but the way of communication is wrong. Compared with nagging preaching, They need to listen sincerely.\” There is a question on Zhihu: When did you no longer want to communicate with your parents? Gao Zan replied: \”When I was full of joy and shared the interesting things of the day with them, but was poured cold water on me again and again; when all my ideas were completely rejected by them just after I said them; when I was in junior high school for the first time. When I got 92 points in the Chinese language test, they turned around and threw the spatula at me… From then on, I learned to shut up.\” Educationist Pamela Drucker said: \”Even if the child does something wrong Where possible, parents also have the responsibility to listen and understand their motives.\” Frank and uncritical listening is the prerequisite for effective communication with adolescent children. Don\’t focus on preaching, try to close your mouth; don\’t rush to deny, learn to open your ears. parents listening, is sending a message to the child: you allow me to express my feelings, you respect and accept all my emotions, you love me, and I am worthy of being loved. Listening is the best gift parents can give their adolescent children. \”When I rebelled, I actually just wanted to gain your understanding.\” Some people say that there is destined to be a war between adolescent children and their parents – one side frequently provokes, and the other side desperately suppresses it. Rebellion in adolescence is nothing more than a scourge in the eyes of parents. But in fact, many times, behind children\’s rebellion is a fragility that we cannot imagine. They are like a hedgehog, covered with sharp thorns, seemingly baring their teeth and claws, just to gain attention and understanding. The more rebellious a child is, the more he craves the warmth of a hug. Adolescent expert Josie Shipp wrote in \”Decoding Adolescence\”: \”During adolescence, physical and mental mutations are like a violent storm. Every child who seems rebellious and unapproachable needs strong parental support. support.\” Josie, who grew up in an orphanage, was also adopted and returned to foster homes several times because she was too rebellious. Later he met Rodney, an adoptive father who was as tolerant and accepting of him as ever, no matter how much trouble he got into. After being arrested for drunk driving, his adoptive father said something to him: \”You see yourself as a trouble, but we see you as an opportunity.\” This sentence changed Josie\’s life. The rebellion of adolescent children is a process of emerging from a cocoon and becoming a butterfly. As a parent, what you have to do is not to suppress, but to let go of your anxiety, accept him, understand him, and let him accumulate strength in his own way. At the same time, we must catch his temptations and attacks and let him firmly believe that no matter how bad he is, his parents love him. Only when this is confirmed can children get out of the \”pains\” of adolescence and achieve real growth. \”It\’s actually not that difficult for me to handle. Patience and trust are enough.\” Adolescent children are like a lock, and patience and trust are the keys to unlock it. Some people say that adolescence is actually the process of children striving to be themselves. They seem strange, changeable, violent and dangerous. But in fact, it is not that difficult for them to communicate, as long as their parents give them patience and confidence, accept him, accompany him, wait for him, and adapt to him. Children who are trusted by their parents are the most powerful. Because they have the support of love, they will never shrink back no matter how much setbacks and storms they encounter. Being a parent of adolescent children is difficult because many times, our efforts seem to be in vain. Decoding Adolescence free full text reading pdf+epub+azw3 However, although we are not perfect, we can give our children complete love: respect and freedom, rules and bottom lines, tolerance and trust, praise and recognition. As the writer Mai Jia said: \”Adolescence is a danger, it can go to heaven or earth, it can be a knife or a flower. As elders, we have only one choice, help him become a flower, Smooth out the tough areas; help him get through the most unstable and time bomb stage.\” Adolescence is a hurdle, and passing it is growth. Let us help children together and transform with them. When the child removes the sharp shell, the heavyThe moment of newfound softness is the moment when we are most fulfilled as parents.