She did not hesitate to fall out with her parents-in-law, just for the most precious ability of her child

During the holiday a few days ago, I took my children out to eat. The couple sitting next to me kept making a lot of noise. The sound was so loud that I couldn\’t avoid it even if I didn\’t want to listen. It probably means that the mother wants to bring her kindergarten child back from grandma\’s house, pick her up, drop her off, and educate her herself. This means that the time of the young couple will be infinitely compressed. Needless to say, it\’s hard work. What\’s important is the mother\’s reasons for letting her husband explode. Li Mao: The reason for picking up the child is that the child is about to become a young master, and he always imitates his grandfather and instructs people to do this and that. My mother kept talking for a long time, and I probably understood some trivial things – my grandparents have lived with me all my life, my grandfather has always had clothes to eat, and my grandmother has been serving the whole family like a servant. For example, my grandfather loves to smoke. If he sits on one side and cannot reach the lighter on the other side, he will scream for grandma to run over from the kitchen and hand it to him. Under the influence of the family, children also have a \”young master style\” – as soon as they sit down to watch TV, they ask their grandma to pour water and get snacks; after finishing the rice in their own bowls, they naturally let the adults pick it up. He didn’t even say thank you; when he played with his parents at his parents’ house, he would collect the toys by himself, but at grandma’s house he would always say “grandma collect them for me”; when I brought the small schoolbag to and from school every day, I would ask grandma to help me with the excuse that I couldn’t carry it. Holding my back… Even if the thing is right next to me, I will coquettishly let my grandma hand it to her. The father thinks that these are all trivial matters and cannot \”take back\” the child just because of these, while the mother thinks that as time goes by, the child will have more and more bad habits, and she would rather fall out and take the child back. Before the two of them could come to the conclusion of their discussion, we finished our meal and continued to go out to play. I supported my mother in my heart. Not only because when Zhe first entered the kindergarten, the teacher made it clear that children should do things themselves, such as carrying school bags, putting on shoes, getting dressed, and sorting out toys. No matter how slowly they did it, they had to persist. Let them do it. More importantly, no matter adults or children, once a behavior becomes a habit, it is difficult to change. When my friend first married her husband, he liked to sit on the bed and play with the computer. As soon as he sat on the bed, he would start shouting: Wife, help me get the USB flash drive; Wife, help me get a pen and notebook to write down something. ; Wife, can you get me a glass of water? When a friend expresses his unhappiness, her husband will still shamelessly say: Wife, I promise this is the last time I call you, please help me get it on the sofa. Get a cushion, this is too uncomfortable… There are many similar things – not checking whether there is a bath towel before taking a bath, not bringing clean pajamas to the bathroom, asking friends to hand them to him again and again; going to the trunk to get them But he forgot to take the car keys and was too lazy to go upstairs to get them again, so he asked his friend to put the keys down on a rope. When he went to get a haircut without his membership card, his friend had to run five or six hundred meters to the commercial street to give it to him. Because of these trivial matters, his friends often quarreled with him, but with little effect. Until after giving birth to the child, my friend’s husband saw that the child learned to shake his legs because he occasionally shook his legs. Because he often smoked with the range hood at home, he learned to imitate his smoking. Because he saw him often bossing his wife around, he learned to let others help him at every turn. Only then did I make up my mind to get rid of those bad habits I didn’t take seriously. Not numbDon’t bother others, do your own thing, just 12 simple words. If parents can’t do it, it is likely to have a profound impact on the child’s life. Because self-care is the most valuable and most useful ability for children throughout their lives. Once, a classmate complained to me about something. She showed off the pajamas she bought for her children in a group of mothers in the community. Two other mothers liked it, so she posted the purchase link to the group. One mother thanked her and didn\’t ask any further questions, while the other mother started asking in a series of questions that afternoon: Is the material good and is it comfortable? (You don’t know how to read reviews yourself!) How tall and heavy is your daughter? What size did you buy? Is the attire appropriate? (I’m not a customer service person, so don’t I ask the customer service staff about the size?) Do you think so many good reviews are just a result of brushing up? (Forgive me for not checking the authenticity of the positive reviews) Is this store the lowest price on Taobao? (Sister, can’t you check it yourself if it’s the lowest price?) After she sent the screenshot with this mother, she said: “I really regret telling her the link, it seems like I have a lot of It\’s the same as free time.\” Appropriate help from relatives, friends or acquaintances is the glue of emotions. If the problem can be solved by yourself, it is better not to trouble others. I often don’t like to check routes when I travel. Most of the time, my father will check it for me and send it to me on WeChat. Before WeChat existed, he would send it to QQ. Before I had children, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with this. Anyway, I just talked about where I wanted to go the next day, and my father looked up directions on the Internet. But as the children get older, the negative effects become more and more obvious. For a while, whenever I ask where to go to play on the weekend, the children will say: Dad, have you found the route? Don\’t go the wrong way! That tone, that tone, was a carbon copy of mine – because he had observed his mother doing this all the time, he took it for granted that checking the route was his father\’s business, not the collective action of the three of us. In order to let him understand that travel is a matter of three people, we later changed to a division of labor model: this time, my father checked the route, I packed the things for the trip, and he was responsible for packing the snacks in his small backpack and putting the car keys on the hall cabinet; Next time, it will be my father who packs things, I check the route, and he packs the clothes, toys, supplies, etc. for his trip. These little things not only made him feel more involved, but also allowed him to experience the truth of not bothering others while doing things himself.